I've been thinking about this a lot lately.46 “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you? 47 Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: 48 he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built.[c] 49 But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great.”
Some of you may know of my history on this forum, and the struggles that I've been going through. I've been having some rebellion issues, and lost sight on what is really important. I've been living more carnally than I have been since I first gave my heart to Christ, and I've been purposely ignoring the beautiful things that have been happening to me in the past year. Miracles, even.
It's weird. As much as I can admit that He is there, and He is watching over me, I struggle to accept that He loves me. Maybe it's insecurity or guilt, but I think it's mainly because I'm afraid to give up on the things that give me pleasure. Overeating, lack of exercise, drinking, hate, judging, lust, bullying, escapism, isolation, etc feels safe to me.
I know that it's because I'm too afraid to make any serious changes to my life. I feel like fear is literally killing me every single day. I know how to manage it, and I know what will make me overcome it, but I don't give myself that push to make a difference. I'm living in a bubble.
Though, to give some praise, I have learned a lot from this struggle.
I woke up this morning feeling very sad. Like, reality actually has hit me. Every night I'd say a quick prayer asking God to forgive me for what I'm currently doing, as well as begging him to save me. Of course, what good is that when I just sit around and continue living for the world?
That's what I did and that's what happened to me, and I was confused and startled when it did.49 But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great.”
I've been thinking long and hard about everything. This website, my friends, my family, my job, my lack of going to Church and reading the Bible... EVERYTHING.
I've come to realize that the real issue is that I originally didn't build my faith on the rock. I've instead decided to live my life MY WAY with the benefits of Christianity, and then I'm surprised that suddenly all of it came crashing down once it didn't go my way. It's weird because I was the one who would usually spout this towards others. I would be the one judging others for nitpicking the Bible to please themselves. Funny how I was being a hypocrite that whole time. I'm afraid to change because I don't WANT to change.
I want to continue living for God. I want to start building my faith on the rock.
Please pray for me and well as direct me towards any audio or video sermons that may help me understand this better. I'm not sure where to begin. All I know is that I'm very excited!