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Game Info:

Please Don't Touch Anything
Developed by: Four Quarters, Escalation Studios
Published by: Bulkypix, Plug In Digital
Released: March 26, 2015
Available on: Android, iOS, Linux, Nintendo Switch, macOS, Windows
Genre: Puzzle
ESRB Rating: Teen (blood, gore)
Number of players: 1
Price: $4.99 

My kids were interested in adding to their library on their Android tablets. Looking through my Humble Bundle library, I saw that I had this game, “Please, Don't Touch Anything.” The trailer looked innocent and amusing enough, so I went ahead and installed it on their devices.

I probably should have looked the game up on TV Tropes earlier. Generally, when a game has an entry listed in the “Nightmare Fuel” section, it's a sign to me that it needs a bit more investigation....

“Please, Don't Touch Anything” is a simple game with an easy to understand premise. You are visiting a friend at work, who needs to take a bathroom break. He asks you “Please, don't touch anything,” as he leaves. You are in a room with a viewscreen of a city, with a large panel with a single red button and a reset lever. When the player presses the button, a switch will appear. By pressing the button and playing with the switch, more buttons, switches and even tools will appear. The player is encouraged to experiment with the different combinations in an attempt to find all the game endings, the majority of which result in the destruction of the city on the viewscreen. As the different endings are discovered, posters appear on the wall to mark your progress.

Please Don't Touch Anything
Highlights:

Strong Points: Quick, amusing gameplay; numerous endings
Weak Points: Short
Moral Warnings: Satanic imagery; blood, including taking a hammer to a fetus; cartoon imagery of a pooping dog

It's the several endings to the game that can lead to some of the concerns. Some of the endings lead to Satanic imagery appearing on the screen, as well as one of the posters on the wall. In fact, one of the endings requires the player to sketch a pentagram. The number “666” is written on the console, which may be a bit of foreshadowing towards these endings. One of the endings also leads to a bloody fetus emerging from the console, and you have to play a “whack-a-mole” type game with bloody cysts that also appear on the screen, as blood flows downward toward the reset button. Finally, if the player can find the “black light” device, they can find a crude picture of a dog pooping on the console as well.

Had I known about the Satanic imagery in the game, I wouldn't have installed it on my kids' devices. In my opinion, that's one of the reasons why this Web site is such a benefit. We can learn about the moral concerns about various video games before we – or our children – play them. It's one of the reasons I decided to write this review in particular after my experiences.

Please Don't Touch Anything
Score Breakdown:
Higher is better
(10/10 is perfect)

Game Score - 74%
Gameplay - 14/20
Graphics - 7/10
Sound - 6/10
Stability - 5/5
Controls - 5/5

Morality Score - 61%
Violence - 2/10
Language - 10/10
Sexual Content - 10/10
Occult/Supernatural - 0/10
Cultural/Moral/Ethical - 8.5/10

Although the game is amusing, it also is rather simple. It isn't very long, either – most of the solutions can be discovered fairly quickly. Those that aren't quickly obvious do require a bit of additional knowledge, such as Morse code or what the Fibonacci sequence is.

In addition to the original game, Steam also sells a 3D version of the game, with the original endings plus more, that is compatible with various VR devices. A “remastered” version of the game was released for the Nintendo Switch in 2018 as well. As entertaining as this little game can be, I can't recommend it because of the moral concerns I've mentioned above. If Satanism and mutilating babies don't bother you though, you might find some entertainment in touching things in “Please, Don't Touch Anything.”

About the Author

J. Todd Cumming

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Christ Centered Gamer looks at video games from two view points. We analyze games on a secular level which will break down a game based on its graphics, sound, stability and overall gaming experience. If you’re concerned about the family friendliness of a game, we have a separate moral score which looks at violence, language, sexual content, occult references and other ethical issues.

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