I love Chuck Norris facts, so I thought we could get together and share our favorites here for those of you who also love this meme...
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
If you can see Chuck Norris he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may only have seconds to live.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity.... twice.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into pre-production. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favorite coffee mug.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris runs Windows 7 on his Etch-a-Sketch.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris Facts
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ArcticFox
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"He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool."
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
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Emwok
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When Chuck Norris got bitten by a poisonous spider, they had to take the spider to the animal hospital.
Spoiler:
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LAVA89
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Two of my favorites:
One time Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
Chuck Norris was born in the house he built.
One I came up with:
The "Rambo" movies are actually a biography of Chuck Norris, but as an attempt to show his more sensitive side.
One time Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
Chuck Norris was born in the house he built.
One I came up with:
The "Rambo" movies are actually a biography of Chuck Norris, but as an attempt to show his more sensitive side.
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Adrilaron
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When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't pushing himself up - he's pushing the earth away.
Chuck Norris died 10 years ago... seriously! Death just hasn't had the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris CAN judge a book by its cover.
Chuck Norris died 10 years ago... seriously! Death just hasn't had the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris CAN judge a book by its cover.
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captinbloks
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Nice. I've heard the first one before and it's funny!
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Dynim
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I love the second one... "Born in the house he built"LAVA89 wrote: Sat Apr 19, 2014 7:56 pm Two of my favorites:
One time Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
Chuck Norris was born in the house he built.
One I came up with:
The "Rambo" movies are actually a biography of Chuck Norris, but as an attempt to show his more sensitive side.
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kittycathead
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Chuck Norris is the reason ninjas hide.
Pedro voted for Chuck Norris.
Godzilla is Chuck Norris's pet lizard.
Chuck Norris once struck Thunder.
I can't post another Chuck Norris fact or he'll kill me. Go figure.
I don't know why he hasn't killed me yet!
Pedro voted for Chuck Norris.
Godzilla is Chuck Norris's pet lizard.
Chuck Norris once struck Thunder.
I can't post another Chuck Norris fact or he'll kill me. Go figure.
I don't know why he hasn't killed me yet!
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funnyman766
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All of them are hilarious!
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kittycathead
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Chuck Norris was born on May 6, 1945. Nazi Germany surrendered on May 7, 1945.
Spoiler:
Last edited by kittycathead on Wed Sep 04, 2019 10:30 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Jivesucka
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When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?"
It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?"
It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
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Joshua19
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Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
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Jarvis
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Since this is here, does anyone remember the Chuck Norris World Of Warcraft commercials?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKaIlT_lK1s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKaIlT_lK1s
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Joshua19
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I remember playing WoW when this commercial first came out.Jarvis wrote: Wed May 29, 2019 3:18 pm Since this is here, does anyone remember the Chuck Norris World Of Warcraft commercials?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKaIlT_lK1s
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kittycathead
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Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.