The Joke Thread

[kittycathead]

I think you should recommend this to other members.

[kittycathead]

What says "ooooooooooooooooo"?

Answer: A cow with no lips!

[kittycathead]

The ooooooo joke is really funny. Gotta go. Bye!

[MikeC]

Have you heard about the magic tractor? It went up a hill and turned into a field.

[ccgr]

From 'The Villages, Florida ...

I was out driving in my golf cart the other day. I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:
" I miss Chicago . "

So, I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires,
"Hope this helps.”

[NeverLickATazer]

a frenchman, an englishman, a texan, and a mexican are on an airplane when the pilot comes out and says "listen, were out of fuel. the plane is going down. there are only two parachutes, and I'm taking one. you four fight over who gets the last one. the pilot grabs the parachute and jumps out of the plane. after a moment of silence, the frenchman jumps up and yells "FOR THE DUKE OF FRANCE!" then he jumps out of the plane without the parachute. inspired by his noble action, the englishman yells "for the queen!" and jumps out of the plane. Keep in mind, that there is no one more patriotic then a texan. The texan is all exited now, and in a burst of patriotic pride yells "REMEMBER THE ALAMO!" then he grabs the mexican and throws him out of the plane.

[DALEKATOR]

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

[DALEKATOR]

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

[underhillfamily]

10. What does a nosy pepper do? its jal-ap-eno BUSINESS!

[ccgr]

The people at Starbucks managed to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the
Vatican. After receiving the papal blessing, the Starbucks official
whispers, "Your Holiness, we have an offer for you.
Starbucks is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the
Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day
our daily coffee.'

The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the Lord.
It must not be changed."

"Well," says the Starbucks man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For this
reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."

"My son, it is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord, and it
must not be changed."

The Starbucks guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Starbucks respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer: We will donate $500
million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great Catholic Church if
you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily
bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.' Please consider it." And he
leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.

"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news. The good news
is that the Church will come into $500 million.

"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.

"We're losing the Wonder Bread account".

[LegoFan560]

A man was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking space. Looking up to heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking space, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking space appeared.

He looked up again and said, "Never mind; I found one."

[supersaiyanscooby]

For some, I am used to get around.
I never even touch the ground.
Sometimes I fall and sometimes I float,
If I’m in the air, then take note.

What am I?

Spoiler:

a boat

[OhioFiveOh215]

so a blonde and a red head are on a plane and the red head says to the blonde wanna play a game? the blonde says whats the game? the red head says i ask you a question and if you get it right i give you 5$ if you get it wrong you give me 5$. the blonde says no and goes back to reading her book. later the red head ask's again but the blonde says no again, then the red head says how about this i ask you a question and if you get it right i give you 500$ if you get it wrong you give me 5$ the blonde think oohh i can get some money off this so she says yes, the red head ask's her a question (i forget what it is) but she gets it wrong so she gives her 5? then its the blondes turn, so she ask's what walks on four legs in the morning 2 in the evening and 3 at night? the red head has NO idea what the answer is so she gives the blonde 500$ later the red head asks so whats the answer? the blonde pulls out 5$s and gives the red head the money!!

[awesomerandomgamer99]

Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.

[faithwalker909]

One day, a squirrel was giving a hunter some advice on how to hunt better.

"Hey, Buddy, wanna know how to catch a unique rabbit?" said the squirrel.

"You bet!" exclaimed the hunter.

"That's easy," the squirrel replied,"U-nique up on it."


(Ba Dunt Dunt. LOL)