The Joke Thread

[HankTheCowdog]

That is a good one. But it is true.

[stained4ever]

what kind of cheese isn't yours......?

NACHO CHEESE!!!!! you know, not your cheese...? get it?

[Sstavix]

I've been enjoying coming up with puns for my kids. At least they like my jokes. Here's my latest "gem...."

After Chicken Little grew up, she decided that she wanted to help people to make up for all the pain she caused in her younger days. So she decided to become a "first responder" so she could be the first one to help others. However, she had to give it up because of a horrific accident that still haunts her to this day.

While wandering around the city, she heard a cry for help. Looking up, she saw that the scaffolding of a window washer's had broken, and the washer was hanging on to the edge fifty feet above the pavement. She leaped into action, using her wings to propel herself upward to the place the window washer dangled. She sunk her claws into the man's sleeves and tried, with all her might, to fly him to safety.

However, she couldn't even lift him, since all she had was the strength of a chicken.

The man's fingers began to tremble under the exertion. Desperately, she raised her head and cried out "Help! Help! This guy is falling! This guy is falling!!!"

Yet no one believed her.

[Emwok]

Lol that's pretty funny.

[ccgr]

cute

[ccgr]

When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, there was a professor, whose last name was Peters, who felt animosity for Gandhi, and because Gandhi never lowered his head towards him, their "arguments" were very common.

One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor, in his arrogance, said, "Mr Gandhi: you do not understand... a pig and a bird do not sit together to eat ", to which Gandhi replies, "You do not worry professor, I'll fly away ", and he went and sat at another table.

Mr. Peters, green of rage, decides to take revenge on the next test, but Gandhi responds brilliantly to all questions. Then, Mr. Peters asked him the following question, "Mr Gandhi, if you are walking down the street and find a package, and within it there is a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money; which one will you take?"

Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, "the one with the money, of course".

Mr. Peters, smiling, said, "I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don't you think?"

"Each one takes what one doesn't have", responded Gandhi indifferently.

Mr. Peters, already hysteric, writes on the exam sheet the word "idiot" and gives it to Gandhi. Gandhi takes the exam sheet and sits down. A few minutes later, Gandhi goes to the professor and says, "Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade."

[oneofthebest]

What time does Hitler wake up in the morning?...
nein (german for no)...
lol

[Emwok]

XD

[LegoFan560]

That is hilarious.

[Racks03]

A recent read from a Reader's Digest.. I love their humor sections...

My sister-in-law, a program analyst, was going over a complicated software application with my husband. Turning to my brother, I asked, “Do you understand all that?” “No,” he replied, “I don't have to.” “Why not?” I asked. “I got computer literacy the old-fashioned way,” he answered. “I married into it.”

[amberchick]

A rich man had a bodyguard. One day, the bodyguard said he had a dream that the man would go on a trip and ride an airplane, but it would crash. Since the man trusted the bodyguard, the man did not go on the trip and indeed, the plane crashed. After, the man paid the bodyguard $100 and fired him. Why?


Answer: The bodyguard was sleeping on the job.

[ABright007]

What did one math book say to the other?


You have got a lot of problems!

[xxXCAHSEWSXxx]

yo mama is so fat when God created the light he had to ask her to move out of the way

[ccgr]

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of RSPCA. He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now...

[Emwok]

LOL XD