A weatherman was standing on a open field when he said,"I'm going to be struck by lightning."
Cumulous-nimbus cloud: "Are you sure?"
Weatherman: "I'm positive!"
You probably didn't get this little joke. But if you did, good for you!
The Joke Thread
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ActiveRedStone
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Here is a funny weatherman joke I made up. I don't know if any of you guys will get it, but here is how it goes:
A weatherman was standing on a open field when he said,"I'm going to be struck by lightning."
Cumulous-nimbus cloud: "Are you sure?"
Weatherman: "I'm positive!"
You probably didn't get this little joke. But if you did, good for you!
A weatherman was standing on a open field when he said,"I'm going to be struck by lightning."
Cumulous-nimbus cloud: "Are you sure?"
Weatherman: "I'm positive!"
You probably didn't get this little joke. But if you did, good for you!
II Timothy 2:15
Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
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LegoFan560
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I get it! Funny!
A man walked into a pizza store and ordered a 14" pepperoni pizza.
The cashier asked him, "Do you want that cut into 8 slices or 10?"
He replied,
A man walked into a pizza store and ordered a 14" pepperoni pizza.
The cashier asked him, "Do you want that cut into 8 slices or 10?"
He replied,
Spoiler:
@Cheryl: Thanks for a wonderful community. It is a pleasure and honor to be a part of it.
"Well then, carry on chaps."
-Deepfreeze32
"it's not malware guys it's linux ;)"
-ccgr
"Go play outside. That's what I'm going to do now."
-ccgr
"Well then, carry on chaps."
-Deepfreeze32
"it's not malware guys it's linux ;)"
-ccgr
"Go play outside. That's what I'm going to do now."
-ccgr
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TheDad
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One day in Assembly Programming, the class was studying base-16 numbers. John, however, kept saying the equivalent number in base-10. When asked why he wasn't using base-16, he simply stated.... "I don't want to be hexcommunicated."
All spheres of thought, be they Science or Philosophy or Religion, require a step of Faith.
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IronMcFly
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I remember few jokes as worthy of retelling.
What comes to mind is almost more of a riddle-proverb:
A man walked into a bar...
the man took a drink,
then the drink took a drink,
then the drink took the man.
True, i know
What comes to mind is almost more of a riddle-proverb:
A man walked into a bar...
the man took a drink,
then the drink took a drink,
then the drink took the man.
True, i know
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LAVA89
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Wow...really killed the mood!IronMcFly wrote: A man walked into a bar...
the man took a drink,
then the drink took a drink,
then the drink took the man.
True, i know
LOL
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TripExistence
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Also, what's green and has a bunch of wheels?
Spoiler:
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ccgr
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"Woman stops gator attack with a small Beretta pistol."
This is a story of self control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?
A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.
Here is her story:
While out walking along the edge of a bayou just below Houma, Louisiana with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator suddenly emerging from the murky water and charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus ... the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was more than worth the purchase price of the gun.
This is a story of self control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?
A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.
Here is her story:
While out walking along the edge of a bayou just below Houma, Louisiana with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator suddenly emerging from the murky water and charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus ... the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was more than worth the purchase price of the gun.
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Orodrist
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Ouch.....
I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do - Robert A Heinlein
Courage ~ Discipline ~ Fidelity ~ Honor ~ Hospitality ~ Industriousness ~ Perseverance ~ Self Reliance ~
Courage ~ Discipline ~ Fidelity ~ Honor ~ Hospitality ~ Industriousness ~ Perseverance ~ Self Reliance ~
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ArcticFox
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Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous.
They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew if any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys
were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he
would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent the 8-year-old in the morning, and the older boy was to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher then shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,
"WHERE is GOD?"
The boy screamed, bolted from the room, ran directly home, and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time! GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew if any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys
were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he
would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent the 8-year-old in the morning, and the older boy was to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher then shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,
"WHERE is GOD?"
The boy screamed, bolted from the room, ran directly home, and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time! GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
"He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool."
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
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Chozon1
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This? Yeah, beyond hilarious. XDTripExistence wrote:Also, what's green and has a bunch of wheels?
Spoiler:
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Isabella202
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Whats the difference between a writer and a park bench?
Answer: A park bench can support a family
Answer: A park bench can support a family
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ccgr
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baconisgood23
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Warning: This joke contains traces of intense corniness. Viewer discretion is advised.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Spoiler:
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should've been more specific." -Lily Tomlin