Do they really mean it?
Because as much as I'd love to tell my sister her new boyfriend is a jerk, she's being unintelligent in general, and doing the exact same thing her friend did five years ago (whom she scorned because of it), and that calling and saying "hey, I'm fifteen minutes away from the house with said boyfriend. See you soon guys!!!!!" when everyone is either sick or sleeping is...unwise, at best, sounds like a perfect thing to say, I'm not sure she really wants to hear it.
@_@
Now, to figure out how to say "stop being an idiot; you're better than this" without actually saying "stop being an idiot; you're better than this".
When someone says "be honest"
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Chozon1
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ccgr
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Did she ask for your opinion? If so, give it.
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Orodrist
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I treat all questions from women as them asking, "do these jeans make my butt look big?"
The correct answer isn't yes or no, but you tell them what they want to hear.
The correct answer isn't yes or no, but you tell them what they want to hear.
I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do - Robert A Heinlein
Courage ~ Discipline ~ Fidelity ~ Honor ~ Hospitality ~ Industriousness ~ Perseverance ~ Self Reliance ~
Courage ~ Discipline ~ Fidelity ~ Honor ~ Hospitality ~ Industriousness ~ Perseverance ~ Self Reliance ~
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ArcticFox
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Yeah I agree, very rarely does someone actually want you to be truly honest when they ask you to "be honest." If they didn't suspect you had an opinion they wouldn't like, they wouldn't phrase it that way in the first place.
What they want is to be told their fears are unfounded, and that they really would like your opinion, that your opinion would validate them.
If they ask: "Be honest, am I being paranoid?"
They don't want to hear you say "Well yeah, since I'm being honest, you kind of are." What they want to hear is "No, not at all." And they can trust that because they encouraged you to "be honest."
What they want is to be told their fears are unfounded, and that they really would like your opinion, that your opinion would validate them.
If they ask: "Be honest, am I being paranoid?"
They don't want to hear you say "Well yeah, since I'm being honest, you kind of are." What they want to hear is "No, not at all." And they can trust that because they encouraged you to "be honest."
"He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool."
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
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Emwok
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I don't know... If your sister asked for your opinion, I think you should give it even if it's not exactly what she wants. Sometimes you need to be honest and not just tell them what they want to hear. Not that you should always be honest, but if it's a problem then you should probably let her know that it is a problem.
Spoiler:
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Chozon1
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I ended up being halfway honest. Which is say, I answered her question regarding why we seemed a tad grumpy at her for bringing some random guy over when no one was conscious or healthy, but kept silent on "your BF is a jerk sis".
I essentially got a "no u I DID NO WRONG".
So there's that.
Now I have to decide how to handle certain other family member(s) who are just being a twerp(s).
I should just call this thread "Days of Chozon's lives" and call it a day.
I essentially got a "no u I DID NO WRONG".
So there's that.
Now I have to decide how to handle certain other family member(s) who are just being a twerp(s).
I should just call this thread "Days of Chozon's lives" and call it a day.
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WedgeA13
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I always respond by asking " do you really want me to be honest?" to give an implied truth without saying anything about it. glad to hear it all worked out.