Help. . .

[rrlmine12]

I've been struggling with depression lately. I think I know the cause but there isn't much I can do to stop it.
It's not like I am contemplating suicide but I am just really frustrated and a little more than just sad.

I have a very difficult time talking to new people in person. Thing is though, I hate being alone with no one to talk to. I mean, sure I have God to talk to, but I mean as in people, like classmates.

I can't stand being alone but I panic when I am surrounded by strangers in class. I know their names, but I can't talk.
It's different when it's online with you all, but, I am a coward and afraid when outside.

I have friends, (well more of a friend) that I am really close to and I can chat with. I only see him, however, on Wednesday nights for youth group. I have "friends" on Facebook, but when I message them, post something, or talk to them in person, I am pushed aside as though a tool not needed for the moment.
I say that because, well I excel in almost all of my classes (except Government), and people only come to me for aid, assistance, thoughts, answers, etc. But when it comes to talking outside of that or hanging out, I am nothing but garbage to them. In Church I am just plain unnoticed.

The so called friends I do have in school are complete jerks; inconsiderate, crude, and so on. Completely mock my beliefs and choices. I have, literally, no support in any shape or form from these "friends".

When I talk to people from Church like by texting, I am ignored. When I talk to them in Church (not during service), I am glanced at but meet nothing but an empty gaze.

I know as the Bible says (I don't remember exactly where or what the exact text was) "As you grow closer to Him, your ties to the world become bitter" and "a servant cannot serve 2 masters for he will love one and despise the other or he will praise one and kill the other". I'm not saying that a social life is a master to me, but isn't a Church a place to support each other, help each other out, and build stronger ties? Aren't friends supposed to help one another, have each other's backs, or even support them in a tough decision?

If not then what I have for a home has been feeding me nothing but filth!!!
You guys are friends to me, but I don't know you.

My true friend is normally busy (not God but an actual buddy I know who might actually join this server btw) and I hardly ever have the chance to talk to him.

This isn't much of a prayer request but more of a plea for someone to talk to. My name is Randall Lawrence, please take notice of what I have to say.

[ccgr]

praying you find true friendship, willing to listen if you want to talk

[rrlmine12]

I just get really tired of having no body there most of the time.

When I get home, no body is there.
Dead silence.
Free time is practically all the time, nothing to do, no body to talk to, no body to hang out with.
Your "friends" are out doing stuff without you. Your "friends" are having a blast, without even considering you.
Your "friends" don't even acknowledge that I can talk.

At school, no body notices and the ones that do always require something or want to be complete jerks.
No true friends to back you up, or help you out. Only to tag along and mock as well.
Strangers know of you; the smart kid that can help me out for free and afterwards can be thrown out when the bag is empty.
People you know can come up, look you dead in the eye, and don't care if there is something wrong: even though it is plainly obvious.

In Church, no body cares what I am or what happens to me.
For all they know, I am a drug addict with a mental disorder.
An atheist in the wrong place because his parents dragged him along.

So, lets try meeting new people. . .
Well, I don't know what to say to new people.
At least without annoying them, without making them angry, without freaking them out. . .
Silence escapes your mouth.

So lets try and avoid people at school. . .
You need to help your classmates out, you need to just deal with it, you need to just suck up your thoughts and throw them out because what your personal thoughts mean are nothing because you are a tool.

So lets go to a new Church. . .
What do I say to these people?
Lets let them talk to you this time. . .
Where is everyone?

So lets just stick with the people you have now. . .
"sorry man I would love to hang out this weekend but im busy"
*pictures on facebook and talk of the party from the previous weekend*
"oh man, I invited you, don't you remember?"

and this is only the tip of the iceberg.

[Jorgmeisterwork]

rrl, just pray to God that he will show you some friends, and for sure He will listen. Maybe you have to wait. Longer than you wish. But He will listen.

[JOJ650s]

Wow, you remind me quite a lot of myself in the past.

I'll be praying for you, also feel free to talk to me whenever.
Oh and if you have a Steam account, then by all means tell me your username.

[Jorgmeisterwork]

But have in mind, that its rare that everything got fixed by the day. It will often take time and patience, but after a while You see that God was by your side all the way, and he will for sure get you through problem after problem. As long as you seek him.

[Kwan]

Hey man, I'll be praying for you. I don't really use the MC server, but if you want someone to talk to or want to play something on Steam, just let me know!

[BallisticRapture]

Hey my name is Dalton Osborne and I know where you are coming from I have been where you are. First off let me say you are awesome! As i read the post one word came to my mind and that is Humbleness. You seem as though you are very humble. Humbleness is the greatest attribute I believe anyone could have.I know first hand what it is like to not have friends. Being that I just recently graduated high school a few years ago, I fought with some of the same struggles that you do now. I had a few friends but I could not speak to people either. I was shy and would just walk away. That is a struggle we all go through and even now that I am married and working I still go through that trial every day. I will say this it does get easier as you get older. They best way I have found for me to meet new people and make new friends is surround my self with people who have similar beliefs that I do. I myself believe in Jesus. I surround myself with people who believe the same and friends come naturally because they are all looking for the same thing. They all are seeking friends just like yourself and I. A friend will stand with as we say here in Tennessee " through thick and Thin"! The most important thing is to believe in yourself and your beliefs. If god is with us who can be against us. I hope this helps! God Bless.

[UsagiGlen]

You gave your full name, so I may as well give you mine: Glen Timberlake. No, I'm not related to Justin.

Reading your posts pains me because I have felt similar things before. I know what it's like to cry each night from sheer loneliness. I remember feeling that all the smiles and handshakes in church were superficial. I don't really form friendships usually because I kind of gave up on the idea that people would actually stay friends for life. I strongly suspect that I have avoidant personality disorder. I'm no professional, so I can't diagnose anyone really, but I guess if you care you could look it up and see whether you think it might describe you. Then again, it might really just be depression, anxiety, or whatever. I suppose it could be a combination of factors. Like I said, I'm no expert.

I pray that you find some brothers and sisters in Christ you can be close to, some people who will truly be family to you and be involved in your life deeply. But as the Bible says, it's rather useless to tell someone, "Go, be fed," without handing him some food. I'm kind of new here. So far I'm planning to focus on the Minecraft server, probably trying to get a church group together in game for Bible study, prayer, worship, etc. Do you play Minecraft? Where can I find you to talk? I'm willing to use some external chat app to talk if that would work better. I suppose forums, emails, etc. work also, but I find that kind of communication to be rather slow. It just doesn't make me feel like there's the same level of interaction. I'd prefer to not use voice chat or video chat if that's ok though. I'm not really comfortable showing myself to anyone. Even though I said I don't form friendships usually, I can't ignore you because I've felt similar things as what you've felt. I'm here if you want.

And, I hope you can forgive those around you who are insensitive. I don't think the majority of people in the world are intentionally trying to mistreat you or me. Perhaps some people intentionally try to take advantage of you, but I think most of them are just thoughtless. I can't say, since I haven't met them of course. I think these days, most people are used to superficial relationships that form and dissolve as easily as puffs of smoke, instead of lifelong friendships. That's especially true of most people on the internet. People lose friends when they move to college, or when jobs take them to other cities, when they start dating, etc. On the internet, friends move on as soon as a new game is released, or someone falls behind in leveling up, or a guild/clan forms or disbands. Unfortunately it happens in the culture we live in. I don't like it either, but maybe a few people are different. I'm not saying the way people treat you is right, or good. I just don't think they're trying to be horrible monsters. When you're alone and hurting though, I know the pain can lead to blame and bitterness very easily. I've done that far too many times, and probably would do it again as soon as I feel hurt and alone because of relationships.

[Praise]

While still trying to learn how forums work, I saw your post. My son struggles with depression and anxiety. He has become slightly agoraphobic. He hates the world. Even though I know him very well, I can't fully understand what he is going through. He's asked for prayer at church.
It breaks a mom's heart not being able to fix a problem or explain why prayer didn't take care it. I just have faith that God has a bigger plan that will be to His glory, whether we ever know what that plan is or not.
Hold on to your faith no matter what an know that people don't understand but do care. I will pray for you.