Ugh

[brandon1984]

Hey guys, I have just had a terrible month. I've been overextended for as long as I can remember. Now I'm applying to 30 residency programs having to put together the entire application package (letters of recommendation, personal statement, etc.), studying for the second medical licensing board exam -- the hardest most in depth thing you can imagine. Not on a thinking physics type hard but a rote memorization of 1,000,000s of facts and apply them appropriately hard. That test is next saturday. Then the following monday I start up on a surgery rotation which basically means I work from 5:00 AM to 5:00 PM daily AND have to study for the medical licensing clinical skills which I take next Thursday. This month was supposed to be a vacation of sorts, but with all the studying and traveling and my wife traveling and drama from every which way -- it's turned into one of the lowest points of my life.

Today I was taking a standardized clinical test that is monitored by a doctor via video feed. At the end they critique you and tell you about your performance. Well it turned out to be a professor that I had had a run in with last year. She's a total witch. Her and her colleague lambasted me for over an hour. I was patronized and she even told me that she was trying to be harsh intentionally (to benefit me or something). Normally, I stand up for myself no matter what, but if I say ANYTHING it could be used against me (early concern notice) and severely limit my future career. So, I just had to take it all the while my head was filling with steam and my world was turning red.

I've just been so stressed and depressed lately, unable to drag myself out of bed during my supposed vacation that's really just a study get things done month. And then this happened? I can't remember hating life as much as I hate it right now.

And, it shows. I was straight edge barely drank and didn't curse at all until medical school. This beast has destroyed me, probably more my fault but I give the system some blame. (I'm not going into details about the despair and denegration that is medical school). Now, I basically drink too much and can barely say a sentence without cursing. Especially today.

God, I hope none of my family sees that part, but I need serious prayers if I ever needed them. I did blast out a notice of appeal for the grade I received today, we'll see how that goes. But, man I could use a little let up ya know. Just anything would do.

[ArchAngel]

Sorry to hear that, I hope things get better fast.

[ccgr]

Praying that things get better. Keep us posted.

[JOJ650s]

Oh wow,
I am praying for you!

[Nate DaZombie]

I'll be praying for you, but one thing first. I know you're a full grown man, and don't need advice from me, but please, please don't react to anything that's thrown at you. I'll bet my favorite gaming system that you have a lot of pent-up emotion right now, and letting that out at the wrong moment will be disastrous. Try punching a pillow or tree (if you're hardcore like that) when no one is around.

[ChickenSoup]

Brandon, I know you and I mostly converse in disagreements over theology and everything, but I just want you to know that you're my brother in Christ and I'll be praying for you. Here I was wondering how difficult grad school (PT school) would be for me but I know that med school can make most other studies look like Crayons 101.

I hope it gets better for you soon--I know it must be monotonous to see a lot of people say that over and over, but at any rate you'll be in my prayers, brother.


As we said in my old youth group, grace and peace be with you.

[Chozon1]

Praying for you amigo. If you want to scream at someone who won't hold it against you or scream back, just send me a PM.

[DeadManReedeemed]

I pray that God calms your spirit. You're not alone. Believe it or not, I know what it's like to have the world go up against you. I also know what it feels like to receive bad care to an extent.

[brandon1984]

Thanks everyone.

Update: retook the exam and passed. Basically, I just had to sort of "show my work" like math teachers want. Things are lookin way up from the dark day that I wrote the OP. I have applied to residency programs across the US and have interviews at some of the best hospitals in the US.

Praise God for all this!

[ChickenSoup]

Well that's very good indeed

[ccgr]

Awesome! Thanks for the update.

[Chozon1]

Kewl. ^_^