Felt led to give an update. It does seem rather helpful to get things out in the open, for me at least. Knowing I'm not (really) alone helps even more. I am thankful to you all!
Joanne isn't making much progress with her dementia. Having said that, she don't seem to be getting worse either. She still forgets things easy, even in mid conversation, she still gets confused over some things which never bothered her before and the fear is still present. She is also still taking money for her cigarettes and other useless things. Plus she is still having fall issues sometimes and won't use her knee brace.
This fear is my main concern because it's directed at me mainly. Her past has many uncomfortable parts to it which contributes greatly. What confuses (and yes, scares) me the most is that, so far, ANYONE that I ask "So do you and Joanne talk?" and they usually respond along the lines of "Well she gets lost a little sometimes and does forget, but we have good conversations."
I always have to watch what I say, when I say it, why I'm saying it and how I say it. She don't seem to understand facial expressions or body language as part of the conversation. If we're watching the same TV show and someone says something on the show, I might comment on it and suddenly she thinks I'm talking to her and not understanding it's at the TV. Heck I even have physical problems with my back and if I move wrong it hurts or just gets really tight and I sigh over it, she immediately wonders what she did wrong!
I am in this race for the finish, meaning I will not give up. I've already passed ALL of this marriage unto The Lord, and I am thankful He brought me here to Prism. I am also thankful Prism has brought me unto family again.
If God is my Pilot and fully in control of the flight, I guess that makes me a Steward on the plane. How may I serve you?