I'm Decaying Inside
Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 7:04 am
Hello everyone, it's been a while since many of you have heard from me, as many of you know or have noticed, I haven't been active on the forums on ccgr for a while now and haven't played on the Minecraft server for a while (for a few reasons). I miss everyone but still do not feel I am ready to return yet. I've been studying the Sermon on the Mount these past few weeks with my college Bible study (Matthew 5:1-7:29) and trying to understand and learn a little more of God's Word more and more daily.
This is not why I am posting this to you, I am posting this because... I feel my faith is in a danger zone. I no longer believe in God but rather I know for fact God is real and alive and loves us all! However, I feel like my faith has become all words now, and no action, nothing to show, nothing to reflect. I fear that I have become deaf to what God has to tell me and have become what is described in Matthew 7:22-23; "Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you men of lawlessness!'". I feel I don't have a relationship with God.
I want to know God, I want to hear is beautiful voice I've heard so long ago, but I'm deaf now to His voice. Either I am unable to hear Him, or I do hear Him but only hear the same command since He last spoke to me, "to wait". I don't know what this means. I'd really appreciate someone to talk with on this because I'm losing my mind. "Wait." Wait for what? Wait for who? Wait till when? I am scared! Has my opportunity to serve came and passed and I've missed it?! I am scared!
Please, I am begging one of you to hear me.
I love you all, and may God Bless the steps you walk, for you all not to stumble as I have, and for those who are laying down in pain to know that you are redeemed, that you are valued and God does hear you! He wants to know you as you know Him!
This is not why I am posting this to you, I am posting this because... I feel my faith is in a danger zone. I no longer believe in God but rather I know for fact God is real and alive and loves us all! However, I feel like my faith has become all words now, and no action, nothing to show, nothing to reflect. I fear that I have become deaf to what God has to tell me and have become what is described in Matthew 7:22-23; "Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you men of lawlessness!'". I feel I don't have a relationship with God.
I want to know God, I want to hear is beautiful voice I've heard so long ago, but I'm deaf now to His voice. Either I am unable to hear Him, or I do hear Him but only hear the same command since He last spoke to me, "to wait". I don't know what this means. I'd really appreciate someone to talk with on this because I'm losing my mind. "Wait." Wait for what? Wait for who? Wait till when? I am scared! Has my opportunity to serve came and passed and I've missed it?! I am scared!
Please, I am begging one of you to hear me.
I love you all, and may God Bless the steps you walk, for you all not to stumble as I have, and for those who are laying down in pain to know that you are redeemed, that you are valued and God does hear you! He wants to know you as you know Him!