The mysterious man on a mysterious island of mystery

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RedPlums
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Barge his way through all of the pig men without being harmed...
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baconisgood23
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And destroy the giant crystal in the middle of the fortress, which deactivated all the Tac Nayns. All the Nyan Cats celebrated and ate rainbow cupcakes.

But, far off on the edge of the galaxy, a Spartan known as Master Chief sought revenge on Garret for stealing his whole power armor idea. He flew off in pursuit of his victim.
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"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should've been more specific." -Lily Tomlin
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Garret was enjoying a strawberry banana smoothie by the pool in a Miami resort when his glass shattered in his hand.

Master Chief growled, he had missed the target and hit his smoothie instead!
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baconisgood23
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By now, Garret was tired of adventuring and wanted a break. He got up, bought two more smoothies, and offered Master Chief one. Surprised by Garret's relaxed response, he...
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"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should've been more specific." -Lily Tomlin
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Said no, and sneered at Garret before walking away.

Garret just sighed and drank both of the smoothies, then he went and got a message...
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baconisgood23
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That he had totally forgotten about the magical mayonnaise he was supposed to have picked up a long time ago. However, by the he got there the magic had worn off, and it was just normal mayo. He decided to make a sandwich with it.

Some of the magic must still have been left in there, because when Garret took a bite, he exclaimed that it was the best sandwich he had ever tasted. The wonderful goodness of the sandwich gave him a new ability that allowed him to...
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"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should've been more specific." -Lily Tomlin
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Turn into a man eating rabbit!
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But master chief wasn't done with him and one dark and moonless night he came back and while garret was sleeping and stabbed him in the throat with an energy sword.
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." - Mark Twain
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Whilst Chief was relishing his accomplishment, he noticed Garret's snazzy rocket-leather boots. He took them, tried them on, and flew too...
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The middle of a red dwarf star.
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." - Mark Twain
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Because, inside this dwarf star, was a secret UNSC base for secret missions.

At the base chief was given the mission to go and help some dudes out of a jail on the planet Grogan.
Chief flew off in his very own specialized pelican and landed in a jungle on the planet...
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cjv
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but little did he know that grogan was a a code name for earth and he had just landed in Jurassic park...
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." - Mark Twain
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baconisgood23
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Wondering what importance people in a normal earth jail would have, he set about doing his job. Once the captives were free, Master Chief transported them back to the base where he discovered they were not simple humans. In reality, they were...
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"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should've been more specific." -Lily Tomlin
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Young female Elites who had been sold as slaves, but they escaped to earth and got human cloaking devices to make themselves blend in.

Chief told them that he would help them get to a safe, slave-free, planet...
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cjv
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But while in transit to the other planet their ship was badly damaged by an asteroid and then....
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." - Mark Twain
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