Christ Centered Gamer

For reasons I cannot Identify, I'm dealing with some really horrible mental stuff right now. Thoughts that make me nauseous, but I can't seem to control them and I hate my life and myself because of it. I've actually started wondering if I'm mentally ill, or just very depressed, or if it's just some stupid mental game or demonic attack. I'm at a loss, and rather terrified.

Anyway, please pray for me. I've never faced anything like this before. I believe it's depression, as it'll hit for a moment, or an hour, and then go away and I'm fine until it happens again.

I'm sorry to hear that Chozon... I'll definitely be praying.

Praying and here if you want to talk.

Praying, buddy

Thank you all. I really appreciate your prayers, and just...being there.

I think, or at least at present, I've decided that's it's a wicked combination of fear, serious depression, and despair...It was a really hard day, but it's getting better now...still disgusted at my own mind, and still in trouble, but...better.

I'll be praying for you man.

Go get yourself a bottle of Jameson and some ammo and find somewhere quiet to go postal man. It helps.

The problem is, I don't want to find a way to let go, I want to be healed, or locked away. I can't go on living like this. It's like being trapped in a nightmare. I'm deathly afraid that I'm going to harm someone and make one of the thoughts a reality.

I've asked my parents for help. I can stare at the mirror all I want and tell myself that I don't want to do any of these things, that I never will, that it's just depression and fear, but in the end, I'm terrified that some part of me actually does want to, and will take over.

I realize that sounds theatrical, but yeesh...I'm kind of stunned at the depth of all this. I have no idea where it came from.

Praying

I've been there, man. Stay strong, and I'll be praying for you!

I know you mentioned you talked to your parents; please don't be afraid to ask someone you know for help if you need it, or to seek professional help. I've been there, there's no shame in it. And if you ever need to vent, feel free to send me a message.

Thanks Bruce. I went for a few days OK, then had two really hard ones. I called a counselor at Bellevue earlier and set up an appointment on Wednesday, and I 'spose I'll see where it goes from there.

Hopefully, things look begin looking up soon. They will, but hopefully sooner.

Prayin, let us know how it goes.

Counseling went good...Feel a little more hopeful, a little more at peace. Not to be unserious, but part of me was hoping for a "SHABOOZY I'M CURED" moment, which didn't happen. But...I'm more hopeful, more at peace. A little less afraid. God has been blessing me, and helping me.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. I'll update this as I scootch along, I 'spose.