Ugh
Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2012 9:17 pm
Hey guys, I have just had a terrible month. I've been overextended for as long as I can remember. Now I'm applying to 30 residency programs having to put together the entire application package (letters of recommendation, personal statement, etc.), studying for the second medical licensing board exam -- the hardest most in depth thing you can imagine. Not on a thinking physics type hard but a rote memorization of 1,000,000s of facts and apply them appropriately hard. That test is next saturday. Then the following monday I start up on a surgery rotation which basically means I work from 5:00 AM to 5:00 PM daily AND have to study for the medical licensing clinical skills which I take next Thursday. This month was supposed to be a vacation of sorts, but with all the studying and traveling and my wife traveling and drama from every which way -- it's turned into one of the lowest points of my life.
Today I was taking a standardized clinical test that is monitored by a doctor via video feed. At the end they critique you and tell you about your performance. Well it turned out to be a professor that I had had a run in with last year. She's a total witch. Her and her colleague lambasted me for over an hour. I was patronized and she even told me that she was trying to be harsh intentionally (to benefit me or something). Normally, I stand up for myself no matter what, but if I say ANYTHING it could be used against me (early concern notice) and severely limit my future career. So, I just had to take it all the while my head was filling with steam and my world was turning red.
I've just been so stressed and depressed lately, unable to drag myself out of bed during my supposed vacation that's really just a study get things done month. And then this happened? I can't remember hating life as much as I hate it right now.
And, it shows. I was straight edge barely drank and didn't curse at all until medical school. This beast has destroyed me, probably more my fault but I give the system some blame. (I'm not going into details about the despair and denegration that is medical school). Now, I basically drink too much and can barely say a sentence without cursing. Especially today.
God, I hope none of my family sees that part, but I need serious prayers if I ever needed them. I did blast out a notice of appeal for the grade I received today, we'll see how that goes. But, man I could use a little let up ya know. Just anything would do.
Today I was taking a standardized clinical test that is monitored by a doctor via video feed. At the end they critique you and tell you about your performance. Well it turned out to be a professor that I had had a run in with last year. She's a total witch. Her and her colleague lambasted me for over an hour. I was patronized and she even told me that she was trying to be harsh intentionally (to benefit me or something). Normally, I stand up for myself no matter what, but if I say ANYTHING it could be used against me (early concern notice) and severely limit my future career. So, I just had to take it all the while my head was filling with steam and my world was turning red.
I've just been so stressed and depressed lately, unable to drag myself out of bed during my supposed vacation that's really just a study get things done month. And then this happened? I can't remember hating life as much as I hate it right now.
And, it shows. I was straight edge barely drank and didn't curse at all until medical school. This beast has destroyed me, probably more my fault but I give the system some blame. (I'm not going into details about the despair and denegration that is medical school). Now, I basically drink too much and can barely say a sentence without cursing. Especially today.
God, I hope none of my family sees that part, but I need serious prayers if I ever needed them. I did blast out a notice of appeal for the grade I received today, we'll see how that goes. But, man I could use a little let up ya know. Just anything would do.
