Christ Centered Gamer

So in the past week I have learned to drive, and taken it up almost daily from...monthly. If that. I started college, which considering it's around 36 miles away and I enjoy showers, entails getting up at 5 AM. Normally, I went to bed at 5 AM.

Basically, my life has become a soul-sucking vortex of pain and annoyance. Much of my time is used for studying (and the inevitable nap from exhaustion), and I feel like recycled death warmed over. I despise having things hanging over my head in the form of assignments. Despise it.

Everyone in my family is like "Give it a semester. YOU'LL ENJOY IT AND IT WILL BE GOOD FOR YOU AND YOU'VE ALREADY PAID FOR IT AND YOU'LL BE DISAPPOINTED LATER IN LIFE IF YOU QUIT NOW". So yeah, making me actively wish to die is good for me now. No wonder most adults are in a bad mood all the time, not to mention opinionated. Not to mention I discovered coffee is actually a diuretic earlier today when half a cup nearly made me rupture my bladder. I haven't used a public turlet since last December. I remember the day, since it's such a rare event. Before that, it was years. Not to mention I think I'd only be disappointed in myself if I quit college in order to play more video games, as opposed to quitting it and finding a computer trade school of some sort.

Not to mention my blood chills over every time I consider that the info I'm paying $2000 for can be found on the internet and a library for free. And they don't require waking up at unholy hours and combating the desire to say "THE BLEEPS TO YOU, SIR COLLEGE" and going back to bed. Basically, by the end of four semesters I'll have put myself thigh deep in debt for a little piece of paper that says "This kid actually knows some stuff", when there's probably some random dude on the internet who put less time and effort (and moolah) into it that knows just as much, if not more, than I do. Yet I'd likely get a job sooner than him since I'm certified with a degree. How is that fair?

Keep in mind, I really don't mind the computer stuff. I know a lot of it already, so it's fairly easy, at leas the first week. The only challenging thing so far has been programming logic, and I'm still not sure I understand psuedocode in a practical manner (But it's the weekend, and I don't give a rip). What I mind is the prerequisites. I despise even the concept of them. "You must study English, cooking, Spanish and obscure 13.5th century history in order to get a degree certifying you can code, repair, build and use computers in an effective manner." There is...nothing so senseless as that. I don't even want a dirty degree, just the compy knowledge. But apparently they don't do that. -_- Not enough money in it, I think.

I don't even mind my teachers so much. There's one I feel fairly certain I'm not going to get along with, but after my security class, I'm not even going to name him/her or the class since I know there's really no effective way to guarantee that info doesn't get back to him/her.

Basically, that's where I've been, and the idea of two years of this drives me to despair. The idea of Monday drives me to despair.

Chozon1 wrote:The idea of Monday drives me to despair.

Welcome to adulthood. Even if you skipped college and got a job, this would still hold true.

As for everything else: College is about the paper, yes. But it's also about networking. It's not just your skill set that gets you jobs, it's the people you know. You can find people to do fun projects with, people who have jobs at awesome companies and can get good words put in for you.

Just give it time. Once you get used to it, it really isn't that bad. Sure beats high school, at any rate. Besides, learning on the interwebz is one thing. Having someone who can answer questions and actually forces you to do work is quite another. It's a better way to learn for most people.

Well, that's not true. I like Mondays. It's the idea of having to go to school again that makes me despair. For that matter, I'ma get a job that I don't dread doing. It's pretty much the only way for me, I think. So I rebel against your ideas of adulthood. Hipster or not.

you've joined the land of the living

Also, the piece of paper gets you jaerbs for moar monies, so at least there's that. be thankful you aren't going to grad school like many of us--at least, that's what I think I remember you saying. if you said anything about it. Whatever XD at any rate, best of luck to you. We're all in this craziness together XD

Why do people keep saying stuff like that? It's like...they justify how terrible this form of living is by claiming it's 'real life' or 'adulthood'. Can you not see how you're all in denial? XD It's in books, magazines, TV shows, even those 'encouragement' books. "This is a step towards adulthood' and all that garglemesh.

I have rarely felt this tired, depressed or had as many death wishes even on my darkest day pre-college. I am, I think, only in 'the real world' for a little while. To dip my feet in, as it were, and taste the water before moving on. I refuse to spend the next 60 years on this planet in this state, and I hope and pray I don't become so numb to it that I consider it 'real life' or 'adulthood'.

I feel like you're the one in denial, since I've tried your sleep schedule before and hated it.

Probably just need to overcome the equivalent of jet lag. Try not eating for twelve to sixteen hours before you are supposed to wake up. Then eat a really good breakfast when you do.

It's quite effective at resetting your body's clock. At least in my experience.

Nah. I've held this schedule for about two weeks now, basically. I tried to 'reset' that a week ahead of time since I knew that'd be a difficult adjustment to make. Still is, and really if it weren't for the beautiful dawns (which I enjoy), I'd consider most of the daylight hours simply the stars and moon needing to have a rest each day. I mean, that would've been handy info awhile back. XD

But it's the lifestyle more than the wake up times, even if I have had to pretty much entirely reset my body rhythm. Busy all the time, paying money for info that's otherwise free (except I can vocally ask questions instead of Googling them or reading a book), working for nothing really...what's the point? I had more meaningful, encouraging experiences simply laughing and talking with my family for three hours than I did in an entire week of schooling.

Plus, college students (no offense) tend to have nonsensical, inflated ideas of themselves and the world around them. I swear, the first time some punk tries to use Freud on me, I'm literally, vocally, going to laugh at him. It's not all about them, or me; I know I'm whining here, and I'm man enough to admit it. Heck, I even know that the sum of all my problems and confusion don't equal half of what other people are going through in the world; some of which I know.

The point is...Western life is pleh. And I am fairly certain this type of 'life' and 'adulthood' is centralized to the western world.

It is "real life" because most people have to either do what you're doing or work, so they can't stay up until 5 am

Chozon1 wrote:Busy all the time, paying money for info that's otherwise free (except I can vocally ask questions instead of Googling them or reading a book), working for nothing really...what's the point? I had more meaningful, encouraging experiences simply laughing and talking with my family for three hours than I did in an entire week of schooling.

Busy all the time? What are you doing? How many units are you taking?
I did full time school and 20 hours a week working and I still had some time to relax.
And how long have you been there?

And college is mostly about connections and that piece of paper (although some of the knowledge is pretty good). Honestly, it's about getting it done so you can convince employers that should pay you for doing things that you actually want to do in life.

I think I fall into a rather unique place on the college spectrum. I hate school and it has little to offer me because I have few marketable talents/interests, so I kicked and screamed until I finally decided that a two-year associate's degree would be enough for what I want. But thing is, what I want doesn't even rely on a degree. Most people need a degree to get a job. If I have kids and they want to get into architecture or something, I'll do everything in my power to make sure they get that degree. But I want to make movies, and nobody in the film industry gives a rat's butt about your degree. I've bordered on ditching college altogether because of that.

As it turns out, however, I have free education with Washington State because of my life situation (home schooled and lacking most official education). It's a pretty good deal and one that shouldn't be shrugged off. So I decided, what the hey, college life has things to offer and I'm going for it. I'll learn how to work cameras and I'll learn another language. It'll be good. Two years is better than four years (or eight, for all our medical friends @__@ ).

That doesn't change the fact that it's brutal. I don't know what your sleeping schedule has been like, but I'll be amazed if it's as bad as mine. My mom's sick and has insomnia, so from childhood I've lived on her schedule. I'm not used to living in the day... at all. Going to school goes against my entire life structure up to this point, and it sucks. It's hard as eff. But there are two reprieves: One, the occasional evening class, and two, coffee and/or exhaustion. Two weeks isn't enough time to readjust the schedule in my experience. Try a month. You'll be so exhausted that you'll collapse after school and just fall asleep normally. It should carry on from there. That's not the most preferred method, but for nighthawks like you and me, there isn't always another option. And coffee is something that I bitterly hate to use, but sometimes you can't avoid it. Drink a cup or two, pee all day, and get through it. Eventually you'll get to where you don't have to rely on it because you'll be living a reasonable, structured day.

Trust me, man, I know where you're coming from. I've walked three miles to school and three miles back on one hour of sleep many, many times. I have to study at home afterward, and in the coming years I'll be working a job on top of it all. That's no way to live, and I agree with you. The bright side is that it isn't forever, and the misery is filled with many moments of relief and relaxation. Like Matthias said, we're all in this together. It's not so much that we're in denial of how much it sucks; we just know that it's the darkness before the dawn. Granted, getting a job is a misery in and of itself, and working it always has its downsides, but if you love it and you've worked to get it, all should be well.

And don't make the mistake I've made of pitching a fit every time I have to learn something I'm not wild about. Yeah, I'd wager that you're like me and you can't even feign interest in something that bores you. That's not something you get over, and I don't think I ever will. I do everything in my power to avoid math classes. But sometimes I have to take them, and when I do, I come out the better for it. In the grand scheme of your education, one or two English classes isn't a big deal. I personally believe Spanish should be a required study out of respect for our neighboring country, but that's... arguable, I guess. America is phenomenally lazy compared to Europe in that regard; look at freaking Scandinavia. They speak English better than most Americans. And if you say English isn't important (and I know we probably differ on how important we think it is ) despite the fact that it's the only way we as American human beings are able to communicate with each other and much of the rest of the world, I will sock you. It's like saying math isn't important. I hate math, and I would never encroach upon suggesting it doesn't matter. It all matters, and having at least a moderate understanding of it improves our life. That said, there's no shame in taking the basics and getting the heck out of there when you're done.

As Travis said, it's probably jet lag. It's long and persistent. I guess what it comes down to is whether or not you think living life constantly at home, at night, on the computer or the television or with family, without contributing much to society, is the ideal of way of living. It's the most tempting way of living, and it's normal to feel that way. I want it every day I go to school. But it's all the sweeter when you get it after working your butt off for something that matters, and whether or not you see it now, education does matter. I mean, yeah, you get the degree, but the experience is the most valuable thing. I've had to have this drilled into me and I feel weird saying it to someone else, but it's what you make of it.

For myself, I've broken it down to three options: Work hard at school, work hard at life, work hard at what you want, work hard and be tired at the end of the day. Or stay at home, relax, avoid the excessive responsibilities and business that society forces upon you, and achieve nothing. Or drop everything and travel the world and be a hobo.

But there's a hidden fourth option, and that's to be smart and balance all three of those options so that you work hard and, after achieving things, relax at home and enjoy life, and take moments to drop everything and take a trip, do something special, get some perspective. That's what I'm shooting for, and it won't come easy, but nothing good is handed to you.

ChickenSoup wrote:It is "real life" because most people have to either do what you're doing or work, so they can't stay up until 5 am

Oh, I agree that it's "real life" if you throw those quotes in. Still not sure why the idea of a majority having their lives be farts should make it the standard, though.

ArchAngel wrote:Busy all the time? What are you doing? How many units are you taking?
I did full time school and 20 hours a week working and I still had some time to relax.
And how long have you been there?

And college is mostly about connections and that piece of paper (although some of the knowledge is pretty good). Honestly, it's about getting it done so you can convince employers that should pay you for doing things that you actually want to do in life.

First week. Most of the classes have, in fact, been orientation type deals, with only the second iterations requiring actual course work. I'm doing 19 hours, and usually too tired to do anything but sleep but at the end of the day. It's an hour commute either way though, and that plays a major part in it. Though I'll admit (And have) that I'm mostly just being a pansy here.

And if college is about the connections and the diploma, I'm doubly not sure I see the point of it. I can forge connections anywhere, and get a diploma off the internet for about $35. Seems like a large waste of money. -_-

CK, you'd probably be surprised at how similar we are in some respects. Though in my experience, two weeks is fine for a schedule change. I've done it overnight before; it's not jet lag that's bothering me, it's the cumulative effects of getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night for a week. Also, your words on coffee would be more effective if 8/10 adults I knew weren't addicted to it. XD Pretty sure a large portion of America is, actually. Sorry amigo, but I think you're wrong there. So I'll take my caffeine in soda and mint form, on which I can go a good 8-10 hours without a turlet stop. So...No. I won't drink a few cups. TAKE YOUR DEVIL FLUID AND DRINK IT

Also, I really don't think getting a job is a misery. I honestly don't understand where you're coming from with that claim. Miserable moments? The bleeps yeah. But those happen every day. If the job I want to get is a misery to me, I'll go herd sheep in Andalusia or something, because that's not the way it's supposed to be.

And I'm good at feigning interest, but If I weren't going to be studying a magazine for the next semester, I'd probably love English comp. Reading and writing are my chicken strips and grape jelly. I love them. And I would love a deeper grasp and higher skills of and in those things; even if English is an over rated language. It's the concept of prerequisites that I despise. I don't want a basic education, I want to know how to program and fix/build computers. I got a basic education in grade school. The Bleeps, I got a basic education by 7th grade. If I know how to read and write and communicate (and I does), then English smarts is not required for what I wants to do. Not even hazily. They'd be more sensemake if they did throw in a math course, actually, since that's more related.

And quite honestly, I don't give a rip about contributing to society. Unless I'm contributing to its downfall. I'm doing this because I don't think God wants me to just sit around all day, since 'if he will not work, let him not eat' or whatevs. It's a matter of principle for me that I try to find something to work on, and since I don't think I could land a job in my preferred field without a magical piece of paper...

But be it Wal-Mart, McDonalds, programming for a big business, or a compy repair shop, they're all of equal worth, I think. I don't care to 'achieve' anything, and I'm not out to make it big. Just trying to find what God wants me to do until I get to leave this planet.

And probably enough money to support my chicken strip habit.

Yeah, dude, you need over 6 hours a night. It's really hard living with sleep under that. And coffee isn't sleep replacement, it just helps you perk up when you are drowsy.
If it's your first week, you need to give yourself more time to adjust. It's more than just a schedule shift, you're moving into a new mode of life. Your mind need to adjust. It differs for each person.

CK, you'd probably be surprised at how similar we are in some respects. Though in my experience, two weeks is fine for a schedule change. I've done it overnight before; it's not jet lag that's bothering me, it's the cumulative effects of getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night for a week. Also, your words on coffee would be more effective if 8/10 adults I knew weren't addicted to it. XD Pretty sure a large portion of America is, actually. Sorry amigo, but I think you're wrong there. So I'll take my caffeine in soda and mint form, on which I can go a good 8-10 hours without a turlet stop. So...No. I won't drink a few cups. TAKE YOUR DEVIL FLUID AND DRINK IT

Man. I try staying up all night and go to bed super early to readjust my schedule, but I always go right back to bed at dawn. I don't know if I've gone even two weeks without eventually staying up until at least 3:00 AM in years. WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR ME HURRR

Yeah, I see what you mean. I... I begrudgingly drink coffee. I'm pretty good about controlling it, but then again, I've made sure that I only have to go to school two times a week (very, very long days, but I prefer that over the entire week). If I had to go every day, I'd be addicted to coffee and a genuine mess. So I don't blame you in the least. Maybe living in a place where there are Starbucks on every block has affected me. @__@

Also, I really don't think getting a job is a misery. I honestly don't understand where you're coming from with that claim. Miserable moments? The bleeps yeah. But those happen every day. If the job I want to get is a misery to me, I'll go herd sheep in Andalusia or something, because that's not the way it's supposed to be.

Well, I meant more the process of getting a job. Maybe it's easier once you have a degree or experience to show, but job searching is one of the most stressful things I've experienced. Granted, I've only applied for hourly wage jobs, which are pretty tough for everyone these days. I'm almost constantly flat out told that I won't get a job because I have no experience, though. It's the conundrum of trying to get experience, but needing experience to get it. I can only hope professional jobs are a bit more forgiving.

And I'm good at feigning interest, but If I weren't going to be studying a magazine for the next semester, I'd probably love English comp. Reading and writing are my chicken strips and grape jelly. I love them. And I would love a deeper grasp and higher skills of and in those things; even if English is an over rated language. It's the concept of prerequisites that I despise. I don't want a basic education, I want to know how to program and fix/build computers. I got a basic education in grade school. The Bleeps, I got a basic education by 7th grade. If I know how to read and write and communicate (and I does), then English smarts is not required for what I wants to do. Not even hazily. They'd be more sensemake if they did throw in a math course, actually, since that's more related.

From that standpoint, I don't disagree at all. In fact, I probably came off as more persistent than I actually am; I've ditched... so many classes at this point in my college career, mostly out of a lack of interest and/or skepticism of their usefulness. I quit going to one college altogether because half of the degree was in things that didn't help me. I've been criticized for it, but I feel good about it, mostly for the reasons you mentioned. Prerequisites have made the process of getting a degree infinitely more difficult for me, and I kinda resent that. Luckily I've been able to find some loopholes, and my degree can't legitimately require a lot of things (at the end of the day I'm just learning how to take pictures), but I don't know what I'd do if I was going into a science or something. I'd probably do nothing, because I'd be incapable of it.

This is an issue I have with schools in America (and probably across the world, in all likelihood) and you can catch me ranting about it pretty frequently. They're treated like a factory more than anything else. Students aren't nurtured for their skill sets; they're presented with an entire array of classes that will go right over their head, but that doesn't matter, because they're "required" if you want to make it in the world or understand your chosen degree. Both of which, in many cases, are entirely untrue.

And quite honestly, I don't give a rip about contributing to society. Unless I'm contributing to its downfall. I'm doing this because I don't think God wants me to just sit around all day, since 'if he will not work, let him not eat' or whatevs. It's a matter of principle for me that I try to find something to work on, and since I don't think I could land a job in my preferred field without a magical piece of paper...

But be it Wal-Mart, McDonalds, programming for a big business, or a compy repair shop, they're all of equal worth, I think. I don't care to 'achieve' anything, and I'm not out to make it big. Just trying to find what God wants me to do until I get to leave this planet.

I think this is the only place where we really differ. For all the bitterness I have towards society (and believe me, I have much), I still feel that its goodness overwhelms its wrongness. But that's more of a personal journey I've been on than anything else. My own bitterness was festering to a very dangerous degree, and I became agoraphobic and resentful of my own existence as a human being. I'm glad to see you're not in that place in life, though, even if we do have differing opinions on society itself.

Regardless of that, your reasoning is admirable by my standards. I should note that I didn't mean to communicate a general need to "reach for the stars," which is good advice but usually kind of slanted towards having immense power or fame or wealth, which I disagree with. Work is good, and it's healthy, and it's necessary for us as human beings. The important thing is to find what work you love, and do it. As far as I can tell, you're being smart about that. Unfortunately, it will take some compromises, especially in the education field. But I wouldn't worry about having to live an existence that you find disdainful for the entirety of your life. Heck, computer-related jobs are in such high demand, you could start your own business after college and work on your own terms. It'll require a lot of irritation to get there due to how we have things set up these days, but I can almost guarantee it's worth it.

This is a bit irrelevant, but I had the notion of learning styles hammered into me during my initiation into college. There are three learning types: Visual, Aural, and Kinesthetic. Kinesthetic is where you need to be hands-on and moving to truly learn. I came out overwhelmingly Kinesthetic in nearly all of my tests, or tied with Kinesthetic and Visual. My Aural results were almost nonexistent. I literally zone out when information is being relayed to me vocally. Given that college consists almost solely of lectures, that kind of screws me over. Therein lies my fundamental problem with school, I guess: inflexibility. The burden of flexibility is on us as students, and we've got to be really dang flexible to get through it. It sucks, but there's no way around it until it's reformed.

it's worty noting that soda is not hetter for you than coffee >_>

I prefer Tea for hot morning beverage. Or a Chai Tea Latte.
...dangit, now I need to go buy some mixes before school starts.


Riley's got many good points. His advice is wise.