Christ Centered Gamer

I am in a really really bad place. I dont know what to do about my heart. I feel numb to God. I know I have been extremely disobedient to God. I want to be sorry. I am sorry, but more for the wrong reasons than because of sinning against God. I am selfish in my thinking and fear out of selfishness.

Im so far off I dont know if im God's or not.

I dont want to just move on from the sin like nothing happened, but at the same time it almost looks like the only road to go down. I thought I repented of this before, but I dont think I truly did because otherwise I wouldnt have fell into it again. It wasn't easy this time. I switch constantly between guilt towards God and no guilt.

The only way I know how to deal with this is by prayer and reading the bible. Its just hard cause its like nothing gets through. Its just words again and most of my praying is selfish at the root.

I want an experience God again. I dont know if nothing is standing in the way or my heart is. Maybe I should just stay in prayer, worship, and bible.

praying for you.

When I pray I try and follow the ACTS method

Acknowledge - realize who you're talking to, God, praise him (Hallowed be thy name)
Confession - Get right with God before going any further, confess your sins here
Thanksgiving - Give thanks for the blessings you have....so many people are without so we are truly blessed
Supplication - Insert prayer requests here

We can't repay God for all the times we mess up and sin against Him--if we had to, we'd all be doomed. That's what Jesus did on the cross. He paid for all of our sins, past present and future. When he forgives us, he doesn't just forgive of us the stuff we did before we met Him, He forgives for everything. The crazy thing is, aside from trying to make reparations if we can (knowing that it's the right thing to do, not to 'regain' your salvation), the only thing we can do is repent and move on, trusting God to forgive us and walk with us.

Two, just because you fell back into something, I do not think it means you never truly repented of it. Satan knows that if we fall for something once, we're likely to fall for it again. It should work the opposite of that, and some people say it does: we fall in a trap, learn from it, and don't do it again. But in reality...I've never found it to be so. Alcoholics know not to pick up a bottle again, regardless of if they currently don't drink.

So I'm praying for you dude.