Christ Centered Gamer

All,

This prayer request is extremely difficult as my situations are sort of multilayered in nature.. but I just happened across this part of the forum and I know (from experience) that prayer works.

Where to begin.. about 10 years or so ago I was dating someone (not my wife) and was very involved in a non denominational church. I typically disliked these churches because I felt the getting up and dances and hopping around was a bit much.. (a bit disrespectful maybe..) but I was going there because my girlfriend went there. We ended up traveling to a church in another city, with a group of friends, which was known for prophecy. Growing up baptist I never really had dealt much with it but my heart was open if God wanted to use it.

Well, I sat down with the prophetic ministry people (three of them) and really told them nothing about myself.. They prayed for a bit and started telling me things about the future. Well, alot of folks were writing stuff down like crazy, but I chose to just let God bring it all back up IF it was truly him talking through the people. Well.. HE DID.

Everything single thing they said to me, save the one this post is about, has come to pass... and when it did I struggled and asked why why why.. and in a small still voice I was reminded of the words of prophecy.. This built may faith up and I started getting more active in the church (the one mentioned earlier) Things were going good, but within a very short period of time it all fell apart.. The music minister, who was training me moved out of state.. my job changed and I had to go to an office further away, hence I couldn't meet with my mentor who was helping me understand the word... AND (big one here) my girl friend lost her job (boss died) and couldn't find work.. her parents begged me to let her stay with me for a bit (bad idea right..) I had an extra room and she was to get a place and move out pronto! mainly because I was starting to lead bible studies for our group there..

She didn't move.. and I ended up having to move out and force her out on her own and it pretty much put a halt to my leadership.. with her living with me.. Moving on a bit...

The last prophetic thing they had told me was related to my music.. For years I had played guitar and sang and was always singing and listening to music.. I was starting the beginnings of a music studio (like in my house/apartment) and I feel like it all came down crashing around me.. I ended up splitting up with her later and not too long after that I met my wife.. (sorry this is a long story but it's a 10 year or more thing..)

For years after that I felt my self obsessing with what they said.. here goes.. "You will be a shooting star for God, with your music.. This will not happen until you get alone with God... BUT it will happen.."

So I found myself, over the years, having more stress, in that relationship and other things, and slowly.. sadly.. lost my song..
For years, I have steadily fell further away from Churches.. feeling that every church I joined .. that I just didn't belong there..

My wife and I got a new house (couple of years after getting married and staying with family) and I invested in more equipment and would sit down and struggle to come up with anything musical.. This has gone on for many many years.

not too long after my first son's birth.. I lost my job and was without work for roughly a month and a half.. I started reading the word and every morning I saw my son.. just looking up at me with a smile.. he had no idea what was going on.. but he had the faith of a child.. I started reading the book of Hosea, then Job, and even a bit of proverbs and Ecclesiastes. ( I know some happy reading there right? but it was sobering..)

I ended up getting a job about 45 minutes away.. and I started listening to Christian radio.. I've been doing this for years and I have been really learning a lot and have been convicted to change many of my ways.. But the change is slow going.. Which worries me in these dark times..

I have been praying, although not nearly enough, and I have been crying out to God (but I read one portion of the word that said something like "they wail in their beds but do not cry out to God.." and this perplexed me as to how this could be.. but I think i'm starting to understand it.

I also have been thinking a lot about what it means to get alone with God.. (sorry this is a multi layer issue heh) So I have been trying to get up early in the morning, which is very very hard for me.. all my life i've gotta 8 hours of sleep but never felt rested when I got up.. never. I have a really hard time getting up so I've tried to plan readings later on but i'm always so tired after work..

I come home and I play video games to relax. So here are my issues..

1) I feel like I've already lost my talents..
2) I am doubting my salvation.. I was saved when I was like 8 or 9, and I knew what it meant and took it seriously.. but what does a child know... I've seen so much seen then and I see what I am.. a sinner..
3) I know God can save. He can change me, he can use me, and his grace is sufficient.. But I'm the problem.. I cannot make my self collapse under the weight I have on me now. I was raised not too.. I have to keep going to take care of my family..

4) I have repeatedly tried the method of "get off your blessed assurance and do something.." but it's not working.. again. I begin to doubt I'm even saved.. Some of the good people I listen too (James Macdonald, Michael Youseh, david jeremiah, and alister begg all seem to be saying the same things it seems.. one who is saved will get closer to God.. day by day.. not further away..

5) I am feeling VERY burdened by God to give up video gaming all together.. I see us all slipping into our entertainment, even on a Christian site, and hardly ever discussing God in the video games we play together.. However, My wife is a gamer and it's part of how we met and it's something we do together.. how can I quit it...?

6) I am feeling like it's too late for me and "my music".. like it's pointless to even try.. I use to come up with full symphony arrangements in my head while driving home from work.. Every part of it. each instrument.. It's all gone now..

7) My wife and I love the church near our house and the people are wonderful wonderful people. Hearts that work for and listen to God, but I cannot bring myself to darken the doorway.. I have tried over and over and I will make it on a Wednesday night.. then maybe on a Sunday and then not make it back for months..

8) We have four 9-10 year old cats who we got early on.. since then my wife, and son, have come down allergic to them.. they are like family but we have to get rid of them.. We have tried and tried but cannot find them a home.. and I in all of this feel i'm breaking down to the point I can't even take care of them.. They have to go. but where? no shelters open.. no homes. nothing..


I feel like God is working on me, and using all the things above, but I feel like i'm being stubborn and the scripture "God will not strive man forever.." keeps coming to my mind.. also, "it is a terrible thing to be in the hands of the living God".. (not sure if that's the exact way it's said..)

I feel like I am not changing fast enough and soon.. it will be too late.. But I cannot make myself change.. All I can do is cry out to him.. Lately, I have been asking him.. HOW.. how can I get right with him and all I'm hearing is pray, pray, pray.. but I have an issue.. I easily get caught up in all the work, home, and other parts of life and honestly forget to pray..

When I was young.. I prayed to God more times a day than I think I could have counted.. It was just what I did.. But now I feel like I've fallen away.. I cry out constantly. wailing from my bed, but am I truly crying out to God? Or am I wailing because of the knowledge of my sin, but knowing I am unwilling to change.. or is it unable...

I have since gotten a hold of a book. that I heard about while listening to allistar begg. I believe that I am starting to understand more about salvation.. slowly.. The book is called "The anxious inquirer after salvation directed by "james, John Angell"...

the book is very old but I managed to find it on amazon for my kindle app.. (android) it's a very challenging book and I think I'm starting to realize that I cannot save myself, but my hopes are in God.. that if I go after him.. he will not turn me away.. That If I ask for wisdom and discernment.. that he will give it. but I keep falling.. I keep forgetting. then I get in my car each morning and realize that I wasted the prior evening/day and didn't pray much.. didn't read the word..

I feel like my very soul is crumbling.. and yet my body has to still stand.. part of me believes that this crumbling is God tearing me down.. bit by bit.. so I can be made new.. the other part of me believes that I am fighting him.. (a losing battle, which I need to lose) but I can't make my self give up..

I am really sorry for such a long winded post.. but this is all on my heart every second of every day.. and I have a houseful of people/animals (Lord, the animals...) that depend on me.. but I feel my very health starting to slip (and I'm only 38) and I'm not sure where I stand with God. If I was truly saved, wouldn't I be sure? and wouldn't I be doing something more? How can a child of age.. who understands the words read to him.. walk the isle.. accept Christ.. pray to God for years after that (going to church, etc.) and then fall away in his 20's.. later wondering if that child like faith truly saved him at all..

Please pray for me.. I am not really sure where this is all leading, but I want to believe God is using it.. because I can't make a single bit of it budge.. in any direction.. Job, life, pets, etc. I can't change any of it.. I'm trapped.. But in this could God be working and is my thinking of fast change wrong? I read where some of the mighty men of God (most of them) had major issues.. some taking many years to go through.. am I in that situation??

- Graej.

Graej,


I'll be praying for you brother. A couple of thoughts you sure sound saved to me and please keep in mind that once you are saved, God won't let you go. The enemy loves to plant seeds of doubt. I too sometimes feel that I am on auto pilot myself so I can relate. This year our church but forth a challenge to fast once a week. I found it a good way to focus on God. We needs to establish a pattern. I read the Bible every day but my prayer life is sporadic.

Interesting on the prophesies that came true. My personal experience is that if God wants something from you, He will pursue you. This site is here for a reason....I wasn't that big of a gamer or web developer before...

That sounds like a good book you're reading, keep at it. Praying!

Yeah, Satan likes us to think that out salvation depends upon what we do, and that God stand only a little bit away, waiting for us to come to Him. He also likes to kick us when we're down, violently trying to get us to believe we're defeated. And sometimes, we do need to change our lives.

The reality of it is...Our salvation depends on Jesus, not us. If we ask Him to save us, He does it. He's promised to. For that matter, if God stood waiting for us to run to Him, he'd be waiting forever. He pursues us, runs to us, and catches us when we fall. In the parable of the sheep, it was not the sheep that stumbled blindly back into the shepherds arms, but the shepherd that hunted down the sheep.

There's also the fact that God guides our steps, and our very lives belong to Him. "I know, O Lord, that a man's life does not belong to him, it is not for man to direct his steps". Even in the valley of the shadow of death.

The short version is that our salvation doesn't depend on how we feel at the time, but on Jesus sacrifice and resurrection. If those happened (And I believe that they did) and if we ask Him to save us, then He does, feelings aside. Emotions are so easy to manipulate. If we ever wonder if we're saved, we can look to his own words to prove it. For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, so that whoever believed in Him would not perish, but have everlasting life.

The shorter version is...Praying for you bro. God has His hands on you and will not let you go.

Wow. Yes, we will pray for you.

That being said, I want to say, I can relate. My husband and I have been in the same rut for 10 years also. As much as I have tried to help him with bringing in an income, nearly ALL of my efforts have failed, and the ones that didn't fail altogether, didn't bring in enough for us to get out of these circumstances.
I finally, after some reading, have come to the conclusion that God wants us just where we are for His own reason, and NOTHING we do will change our situation until it is God's will that we do something different. All I can do is to ask God to continue to bless my work when I sit down work, ask him to continue to provide our daily bread. That much we continue to receive. I have even ventured so far as to ask for other Wants of things in my life that are not necessary to live, but am seeing the beginnings to an answer of that prayer. He showed me a door and it's up to me to use it. I have to follow through on my own.

He is at work, but you just have to trust that your answer will come, but it will come on God's time, not ours. If you still have that long commute, why not use that time in the morning and evening to pray? How about before bed? Can you pray with your family before bedtime? We pray together as a family (Lord's Prayer), and then we have time for Special Prayers, for specific things we need(health, courage, etc), giving thanks, praying for others.

Some other things to think about:
Give up your talents to God, ask Him to show you how to use your talents to bring glory to Him. He gave you your talents, they are His.
Surrender your Will. Stop trying to push in any particular direction. Ask Him to show you the right path.
Wait on Him. If you do not get an answer right away, do nothing. Just wait for His answer.
Start going to church on Sunday. (I really have to fight the devil on this one EVERY Sunday, also.) I read a great comment somewhere about how it is not just important for you to go church for you, so you can hear the word of God, but to be there for OTHERS who need a Christian neighbor to help them keep standing up with God as well, and to give THEM a helping hand, a kind word, etc. So go. Not for you, but for them. Start looking for ways you can help those at church.

Be sure to post back and let us know how things are going. And of course, we will pray some more.

Thank you all for your replies. I am still sort of in limbo on all this. But I have started regularly thanking God for the breath he gives me and for my family and the blessing I have. I have started praying and stating that no matter what happens, I know he is still God. Please keep me in your prayers.. A man's heart is not quick to change.. I am a bit afraid of what might be coming, but I know that's not from God.

I have started really looking at others and there situations and realizing that the times when I am most happy is when I am helping someone else.. I have been trying to build up others who are in rough times (Christian and non Christian).. I think God is trying to show me .. it's not all about me.. It seems the only time I am happy is when I am lifting up someone else. But I can't seem to get myself to do that all the time. It's tiring.. and I'm so tired right now. so very tired..

Thank you all again.. I know something's happening and I know God still God.. I just don't want to do like the kitty in a tree calendar.. "hang in there".. I feel the Christian life isn't suppose to work that way.. In his time, I will see what he has in store.

God bless,

Graej

Thanks for the update, glad you're helping others in the meantime. Paying for strength, patience and wisdom

Graej,

I will PM you, but publically here:

My wife and I have consistantly prayed for you since November of last year. I didn't read your post about what was going on with you until just now. But, I knew something was up, and so I asked in my PM to you. Funny how God does that... quickening us to the needs of others so that we can do something about it. In this case, I pray, but I will offer my advice privately, as the advice I give is of a more personal nature.

I love you as a brother to a brother,
Cantore

5) I am feeling VERY burdened by God to give up video gaming all together.. I see us all slipping into our entertainment, even on a Christian site, and hardly ever discussing God in the video games we play together.. However, My wife is a gamer and it's part of how we met and it's something we do together.. how can I quit it...?

I would suggest that you take a month off, rather than quit cold turkey - just like Paul talked about with sex:

1 Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

but in this case, make it a time of focus on other things, then come back to rebuild your gaming time with your wife step by step, in line with the amount of time, and the other priorities in your lives.

On the rest of your post, I think you'd be surprised at how much of your story I relate to very personally - I in my 30s and know very much how you feel. I'm learning to get back into living the life God called me to live, after a period of about 10 years where I definitely faltered and wasn't really listening to Him. (I got divorced, and am now remarried - don't do this... its the worst, both at the time and for the rest of your life).

I can definitely say God has been with me through everything, and has patiently waited for me to be ready to seek Him again. Now I'm in a place I can rebuild my life and He is here with me, in every way. Struggles in life that have come through my past mistakes, He's been there, preparing me to come through, and comforting me as I needed it. My wife now is my greatest blessing from Him, and I am genuinely happy with my life.

The other piece of advice I can't help suggesting, is that your salvation comes from what Jesus did, not what you do now. You are saved, and you can always praise God for that. The things He asks you to do now are generally for your benefit - if you forget to pray for a day, just try something new to remember the next day - God isn't angry at you for trying.

I'm praying for you too

God bless,

Don
have a great day