Christ Centered Gamer

Cuz' he wanted some milk.

Seriously though, he really, really wanted milk.

Then he walked up to the guy running the store and said "Hey, got any grapes?"

and the guy be all, no man we aren't like that here

And then he asked for glue. Or something like that...

"Ew, you gross, man!" said the other dude with a ring through his nose. "You want manicotti?!"

Sam then paused, arriving at the point of realization of what this man was truly asking of him. He then pulled out his $35 mastersword replica and attacked this nose-ringed menace yelling: "FOR NARNIAAAAAA!!!!!"

The menace just stood there, staring blankly: "Waaaaaaaiiit..... isn't that the movie with the talking lion and the goat people? I didn't see it."

The nose-ringed dude then casually meanders away, leaving Sam to run screaming into a wall.

Which asploded before him, sending him careening, sword in hand (which had mystically started to glow) into a 4-way traffic light.

Sam was then forced into a loss of consciousness. He woke several hours later tied to a wooden chair. The room he was in was lit by a single light that shone directly into his eyes. "Where is he?" a Russian voice asked, his voice like molasses.

And Sam was like "...wut..."

On the other side of the sphere of death that is our world, a man walked through a town at night. The town's inhabitants thought they lived. Indeed, the traces of signs of life still littered the ground. The sounds of playing children assailed the air, but were thrown about by the wind. They all thought they were alive, but in the town only two lived. The small brick house on the end of the last street on the left was the only one inhabited. In it slept a corpse, sleeping endlessly in communion with Cybele.

Cybele, of course, was his pet goldfish

And then Sam was like "wait, I'm best friends with batman, soooooo..."

The Russians didn't buy it.

Then, in a small corner store in Kosovo, a bearded Oro (he had recently been lost at sea, and you always get a beard when that happens) limped, dripping and ready to kill the world, into the back corner of the corner store. In a voice that would have made dry gears jealous, he wheezed out the few words that would change Sam's life forever:

"The Eagle...wars with Beanpole".

Then the Russians were all like "So if you're friends with batman you know his secret identity. What is it?" And Sam was all like "Damien Wayne."

This got them really angry because apparently they were actually batman fans.