The Joke Thread

[Asterity]

Where did the cat go after losing it's tail? A retail store

[Smokeyriver]

Why did the student take her math homework to gym class?


She wanted to work out her problems.

[LaughCrafter]

Ok I'll give it a go... Let's see if this one passes the test...

The California State Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the Yosemite and Mammoth areas.

They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bear unexpectedly. They also advise carrying pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of bear activity and know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings.

Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.

Almost there! Is that 2 or 3 posts left?!

[Dr. Gym]

NO....!

[Foxwick]

what does a angry Jalapeno say?

( let me know if you got this joke )

Spoiler:

Jalapeno buisness

[harold5187]

Kent Hovind, told a joke that I thought was funny, and I'll share it with you as best I can...

There was a man driving along a road who fell asleep at the wheel, and the car went over a cliff, and halfway down, the man wakes up, and cries out to God, "God! Save me!"

...The car hits the ground explodes, and the man is unscathed, looking around he notices the car burning and thinks to himself, "Perhaps I should have prayed for the car as well!"

[ZappierVirus]

LOL

[Sstavix]

This one came across my Facebook feed and I just had to share it here.
....

Last Wednesday I was a passenger in a taxi heading for downtown and I leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the living daylights out of me."

Badly shaken I apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."

[Born2BWyld]

Q: What’s the loudest state?
A: Illi-Noise.

[Starfire11]

I would tell a joke about chemistry, but I wouldn't get a reaction!

~Starfire11

[Blaze116]

A scientist and his friend walk into a bar. The scientist says "i would like a glass of h2o please " his friend , thinking himself smart, says "i want a glass of h2o too. Sadly, the man dies soon after.

Chemistry joke

[ZappierVirus]

LOL

[JesusIsLord713]

Lol that's funny.

[Vectorized]

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer - You're in the wrong place."
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the phone and says with a sneer,"So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there. Send him back up."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue!"
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

[ZappierVirus]

LOL