Why couldn't the little boy go to the theatres to watch the Pirate movie?
Because it was rated "ARRR"
The Joke Thread
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CRCBrony
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Fumbles2012
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A man is talking to God. "God, how long is a million years?" God answers, "To me, it's about a minute." "God, how much is a million dollars?" "To me, it's a penny." "God, may I have a penny?" "Wait a minute."
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KoalaKyle
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Wow! Two hours to read.
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ArcticFox
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And I bet 1.5 hours of that was to read the joke about the guy and the snake in the desert...
"He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool."
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
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codemanwessels
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Q.what do you call a cow without legs
A.Ground beef
A.Ground beef
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foalan258
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A Blonde dyes her hair brown and is driving through the country side, she goes up a hill and comes upon a farmer with his sheep and she asks,"If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I take one?" The farmer agrees so the blonde thinks a while, then says,"384" The farmer is shocked and keeps his word and lets the blonde choose her sheep. The blonde chooses the cutest animal on the hill and the farmer then says,"If I can guess the real color of your hair may I have my dog back?"
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shaqi1
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Why can't a blonde call 9-1-1? 
Because she can't find the eleven button
Because she can't find the eleven button
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haleyboppers02
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Q: What do you do when its raining cats and dogs?
A: Make sure not to step in a Poodle!
haleybopppers02
A: Make sure not to step in a Poodle!
haleybopppers02
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travmanwessels
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knock knock. Who is there? orange! orange who? orange you gonna let me in its cold out here!
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Sstavix
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A slight - and equally hilarious = variation here.foalan258 wrote:A Blonde dyes her hair brown and is driving through the country side, she goes up a hill and comes upon a farmer with his sheep and she asks,"If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I take one?" The farmer agrees so the blonde thinks a while, then says,"384" The farmer is shocked and keeps his word and lets the blonde choose her sheep. The blonde chooses the cutest animal on the hill and the farmer then says,"If I can guess the real color of your hair may I have my dog back?"
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Dabuddah453
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(There are 400 posts, so forgive me if this was done before...)
There was a man who was selected to be part of an Astronaut program. He was thrilled, his family ecstatic! However, he felt he needed to talk to his girlfriend about it. See, he knew that the mission, while having a relatively high success rate, could still go terribly wrong and he didn't want his girlfriend to be able to move on in case the worst happened. So, he called her up and she, of course, did not like this idea. She begged and pleaded with him to wait until the launch to determine if he really would.
He accepted her terms, he prayed on it. He went to training. Days became weeks, weeks became months and before they knew it, the launch day was here. The families were there to support the space-adventurers and the man saw his girlfriend, holding back tears -- she didn't know what he was going to say to her. He walked up to her, slightly nervous, scratching the back of his head and he said...
There was a man who was selected to be part of an Astronaut program. He was thrilled, his family ecstatic! However, he felt he needed to talk to his girlfriend about it. See, he knew that the mission, while having a relatively high success rate, could still go terribly wrong and he didn't want his girlfriend to be able to move on in case the worst happened. So, he called her up and she, of course, did not like this idea. She begged and pleaded with him to wait until the launch to determine if he really would.
He accepted her terms, he prayed on it. He went to training. Days became weeks, weeks became months and before they knew it, the launch day was here. The families were there to support the space-adventurers and the man saw his girlfriend, holding back tears -- she didn't know what he was going to say to her. He walked up to her, slightly nervous, scratching the back of his head and he said...
Spoiler:
What is truth?
#FightTheNewDrug
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Cup_Cake_Sweets
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Why did Noah not go fishing a lot?
... because he had only 2 worms!!
... because he had only 2 worms!!
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Dabuddah453
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Who was the best financier in the Bible?Cup_Cake_Sweets wrote:Why did Noah not go fishing a lot?
... because he had only 2 worms!!
Noah because while he was floating on his stock, the rest of the world was in liquidation.
What is truth?
#FightTheNewDrug
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enderdudewessels
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Q;What do you call an elaphent in a phone booth?
A:stuck
A:stuck
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Pog_the_Penguin
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What do you call a squirrel in space?
An astronut XD
An astronut XD