A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God. While he was praying, he asked God, "How long is 10 million years to you?"
He replied, "1 second."
The next day the preacher asked God, "God, how much is 10 million dollars to you?"
And God replied, "A penny."
Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, "God, can I have one of your pennies?"
And God replied, "Just wait a sec."
The Joke Thread
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jamesgrinchishin
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"God helps them that help themselves"
-Benjamin Franklin
-Benjamin Franklin
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Orodrist
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Descartes walks into a bar and has a beer. The bartender walks up to him and asks, "would you like another?"
Descartes replies, "I think not," and disappears
Descartes replies, "I think not," and disappears
I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do - Robert A Heinlein
Courage ~ Discipline ~ Fidelity ~ Honor ~ Hospitality ~ Industriousness ~ Perseverance ~ Self Reliance ~
Courage ~ Discipline ~ Fidelity ~ Honor ~ Hospitality ~ Industriousness ~ Perseverance ~ Self Reliance ~
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ArcticFox
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Not to nitpick, but "the Mormon church, the church of the Latter Day Saints" are one in the same. 
Carry on.
Carry on.
"He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool."
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
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ArchAngel
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To nitpick, there are Mormon fundamentalist sects outside LDS. Like, southern Utah Mormons still practicing polygamy and such. There are Mormon churches who are not LDS.
But yeah, The Church of Latter Day Saints is pretty much The Mormon Church.
But yeah, The Church of Latter Day Saints is pretty much The Mormon Church.
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sjbc2003
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Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Answer: Because he was too chicken.
Answer: Because he was too chicken.
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ArcticFox
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I'm betting his joke wasn't making that distinctionArchAngel wrote:To nitpick, there are Mormon fundamentalist sects outside LDS. Like, southern Utah Mormons still practicing polygamy and such. There are Mormon churches who are not LDS.
But yeah, The Church of Latter Day Saints is pretty much The Mormon Church.
"He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool."
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
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Chozon1
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I could've told you that without the insurance papers and fee. >_>
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ArchAngel
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ArcticFox
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"He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool."
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
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Chozon1
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I would be offended, but you just handed me your grammar nazi card on a silver platter.ArchAngel wrote:Haha, you're Mom could have told me without the insurance papers and fee...
Actually, yeah, I probably should apologize to her. I wasn't so nice...
And thus, vengeance is had.
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ArcticFox
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It's like watching a tennis match...
"He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool."
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
—Brigham Young
"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens
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Khoppa
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I'm sorry, the only jokes I know are.. pretty bad....
Here's a blonde joke I guess. (I have nothing against blonds, I am in fact a blond, but this is the only joke that is terrible that comes to mind.)
So the blonde young lady was always getting teased by the guys at work. They would gather around the coffee pot and make blonde jokes. So one day, she walks over to them and puts her foot down.
"Alright, guys" she says, standing akimbo, "I'm tired of being the laughing stock of the coffee pot crowd. I'm gonna go home and memorize the capitals of all fifty states of the U.S. Tomorrow when I come in, you can quiz me."
The men all agree, and when the young blonde gets home, she stares at a map of the U.S. for hours, citing the capitals to herself in chant. The nest morning at the coffee pot, she walks up and says: "Ok, guys. I'm ready for your quiz."
One of them asks her. "Alright, what's the capital of Texas?"
She thinks for a while... and thinks...
and thinks...
and thinks...
Then she almost yells: "T! the capital of Texas is 'T'!"
Here's a blonde joke I guess. (I have nothing against blonds, I am in fact a blond, but this is the only joke that is terrible that comes to mind.)
So the blonde young lady was always getting teased by the guys at work. They would gather around the coffee pot and make blonde jokes. So one day, she walks over to them and puts her foot down.
"Alright, guys" she says, standing akimbo, "I'm tired of being the laughing stock of the coffee pot crowd. I'm gonna go home and memorize the capitals of all fifty states of the U.S. Tomorrow when I come in, you can quiz me."
The men all agree, and when the young blonde gets home, she stares at a map of the U.S. for hours, citing the capitals to herself in chant. The nest morning at the coffee pot, she walks up and says: "Ok, guys. I'm ready for your quiz."
One of them asks her. "Alright, what's the capital of Texas?"
She thinks for a while... and thinks...
and thinks...
and thinks...
Then she almost yells: "T! the capital of Texas is 'T'!"