Christ Centered Gamer

Glad you went and are making progress. Stay strong bro!

Glad to hear it buddy.

You've taken that all too crucial first step, so here's to hoping for many more. I will continue praying.

Yeah, I will be praying too.

So I had a major set back today.

I went in to a health clinic to get a physical, since clinical depression and several other mind-influencing things run in my family. They did the general height/weight/blood pressure thing and asked "are you here for a physical, or depression?"

So I was like "Well, I'm here for a physical, to see if there's something that can be fixed as far as the depression goes". So the very nice nurse lady handed me a questionnaire about depression, which I filled out handily and then sent me back to an exam room (where I was expecting things like blood being drawn, urine tests, and other embarrassing things).

The "doctor" (nurse practitioner) came back and started drilling me on various things, like what I did with my friends over the weekend (nothing, because I have none besides my cousins), why didn't I have a job (I don't know. Afraid I guess), what kinds of thoughts was I thinking, ETC. He then asked if I minded whether my dad came back into the waiting room for a chat. I said "sure".

Five minutes later he comes back with my dad, smiling, laughing, and then closes the door and says "Medicine of this sort is closer to an art than a science". OK. Weird. "There's no real in and out cure for this sort of thing". Well OK. "Now I'm not a psychiatrist, but I consider myself fairly smart". OK again. "Now there's more in him" (pointing towards me) "than we're getting out of him, so if he was my son, I'd check him into the local mental institution for a few days. Grab a toothbrush from Wal-Mart, or pick that up later, and head on over. I'll call ahead and tell them to expect you".

Wait, WHAT? So...that stopped me cold. After a few more "reassuring" things, we left. Sans bloodwork, sans any sort of test besides a paper questionnaire, and me filled with nothing but terror and despair. We ended up heading home instead of the institution (Which would be handy, as I know a guy that works there), but now I'm absolutely terrified.

Please pray that one, I won't hurt anyone (because obviously, the NP thought it was possible), and two, that we figure out what to do now. I'd really rather not go into an institution, but certainly I will if I need to...we've got a psychiatrist lined up instead at the moment. Yesterday I actually thought about canceling the appointment since I was doing a little better. Now hearing that apparently I'm certifiable, it's all come back in full force.

I'm just...sort of thrown by this. In four weeks I went from fairly happy if lazy guy to "get him to the local institution and fast". I'm terrified I'm going to hurt someone, even though I don't want to do so, remain in full control of myself, and actively realize the thoughts are wrong and harmful.

Sorry to unload it's just...yeesh.

He handled that poorly, or extremely well, depending on your point of view. It's very possible that he wants to see how you react to some extra pressure; just show everyone that you're not crazy. At least, not THAT kind of crazy.

Remember, we're all praying for you.

Chozon1, hey friend, just wanted to let you know a few things. First, no one can make you go into the psych hospital with a few exceptions. I don't know about minors, but almost everyone else is self-admitted. The only exceptions are court orders. The mental health deputy or police would have to pick you up, or you would have to be in an ED with serious homicidal or suicidal ideation.

Secondly, I want to encourage you to not be afraid of anything. Think seriously about whether or not you think self-admittance could benefit you. Approach it objectively and don't be ashamed of the outcome, no matter what you decide.

Third, I want to say I'm so sorry that you are fighting dark times. You are valuable to us and I'm sure to so many others and we want to see you do well and not have the darkness blasting you.

Last thing. . . I'm hesitant to say this because it makes me seem so presumptuous especially since I don't know your situation. And, I apologize if this does not apply to you in your situation. Something that might help you is to alter your self-perception. What I mean is do not let your mind focus on yourself or your situation or the darkness that is at war with you. The way to do this is to focus everything outward upon how you can give 100% and expect 0% in return. And this doesn't have to be anything drastic, even the smallest of giving is valuable.

I pray that God will send all his love to you for healing.

Praying for wisdom and guidance, always here if you want to talk.

Thanks guys.

Have an appointment with either a psychiatrist or psychologist (I don't know which. XD) on Monday. Which, to be quite honest, I'm rather frightened of. Doing my best not to think about it.

praying and let us know how it goes

Chozon1 wrote:So I had a major set back today.

I went in to a health clinic to get a physical, since clinical depression and several other mind-influencing things run in my family. They did the general height/weight/blood pressure thing and asked "are you here for a physical, or depression?"

So I was like "Well, I'm here for a physical, to see if there's something that can be fixed as far as the depression goes". So the very nice nurse lady handed me a questionnaire about depression, which I filled out handily and then sent me back to an exam room (where I was expecting things like blood being drawn, urine tests, and other embarrassing things).

The "doctor" (nurse practitioner) came back and started drilling me on various things, like what I did with my friends over the weekend (nothing, because I have none besides my cousins), why didn't I have a job (I don't know. Afraid I guess), what kinds of thoughts was I thinking, ETC. He then asked if I minded whether my dad came back into the waiting room for a chat. I said "sure".

Five minutes later he comes back with my dad, smiling, laughing, and then closes the door and says "Medicine of this sort is closer to an art than a science". OK. Weird. "There's no real in and out cure for this sort of thing". Well OK. "Now I'm not a psychiatrist, but I consider myself fairly smart". OK again. "Now there's more in him" (pointing towards me) "than we're getting out of him, so if he was my son, I'd check him into the local mental institution for a few days. Grab a toothbrush from Wal-Mart, or pick that up later, and head on over. I'll call ahead and tell them to expect you".

Wait, WHAT? So...that stopped me cold. After a few more "reassuring" things, we left. Sans bloodwork, sans any sort of test besides a paper questionnaire, and me filled with nothing but terror and despair. We ended up heading home instead of the institution (Which would be handy, as I know a guy that works there), but now I'm absolutely terrified.

Please pray that one, I won't hurt anyone (because obviously, the NP thought it was possible), and two, that we figure out what to do now. I'd really rather not go into an institution, but certainly I will if I need to...we've got a psychiatrist lined up instead at the moment. Yesterday I actually thought about canceling the appointment since I was doing a little better. Now hearing that apparently I'm certifiable, it's all come back in full force.

I'm just...sort of thrown by this. In four weeks I went from fairly happy if lazy guy to "get him to the local institution and fast". I'm terrified I'm going to hurt someone, even though I don't want to do so, remain in full control of myself, and actively realize the thoughts are wrong and harmful.

Sorry to unload it's just...yeesh.

Dude, that guy sounds like a real idiot. He was treating you like a retarded four-year-old. You're an adult, he should talk to you and not talk to your dad like you're not there. And he isn't a psychologist, so he should shut his mouth. Urgh, reading your story burns me up.

First of all, everything Brandon said.

Secondly, I've spent a couple of days in a psych ward. It was really not so bad. I'm not encouraging you to go to one, but if you do feel like you need to go to one, you shouldn't feel afraid or ashamed. And if you don't feel like you need to go to one, then don't let anyone bully you into going there.

Secondly, while I do encourage you to seek help, don't be afraid to walk out of a doctor's office if you don't feel comfortable. I went to a psychiatrist's office once that gave me the heebie-jeebies and walked out. (If you go to a psychiatrist's office and there are more than 50 people packed into the waiting room, it's probably a good idea to walk out, because you probably ain't going to get the attention you need.)

Finally, if you feel like you want to talk to someone, send me a message. I'll even send you my phone number if you'd like. I can't promise you much more than a friendly ear to listen, but there it is.

I hope you feel better soon. Please keep us posted.

Thanks Bruce.

Nervous over tomorrow, but I'm at peace with it.

Diet can have an affect on mood and the brain may I suggest looking into that? also spend some more time with God, reading the Bible and in prayer.

Praying for you.

The appointment was difficult, but overall, I think it went well. I actually had a good day today and most of yesterday (it ended in a rather bizarre episode a few moments ago, but meh. I'm not going to complain).

Have another appointment set for next Monday, but things are looking up.

I'm glad to hear!

glad things are looking mostly up