The Joke Thread

[MyNinjaPenguin]

Famous old proverb:

He who runs in front of a car gets tired, he who runs behind a car gets exhausted.

[sunsplace]

This is a short one, i had to look it up, I'm not really from the jokes

Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut?


.....




He just needed some space.

[CuteRainbowElsa]

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?







…..




A can’t opener!

[ThoseFromHeaven]

Seeing as I'm a dad, perfect time for a dad joke:

I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying.

I can also tell when they're standing!

[kittycathead]

A communist joke isn't funny unless everyone gets it.

[kat2288]

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

[kittycathead]

I got fired from the bank today, because an old lady asked to check my balance and I pushed her over

[lukider]

I was at my new house with my friend and he asked "What's up stairs?"
and i responded "Stairs don't talk"

[alexnsteve]

why did the chicken cross the road? To get on GOD'S side, BOOYA!

[TigerElla7]

I don't know many jokes but I love puns. The books of the Land of Xanth by Piers Anthony has lots of puns in there, some not too clean. It has one about a plaque with felines posterior on it. and a Tree with toilet paper on it called a toiletry and a lake ogrechobee like lake Okeechobee in Florida but of course its surrounded by ogres. anyway I will retreat to the corner before I start getting rocks thrown at me for my bad puns.

[somebodysmom]

My daughter's favorite joke:

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale/bail...

[sarna]

Polish politics
sadly this is one big joke

[CommunistToad]

No. (Sorry)

[pjakeh]

Here's my joke...

The 2019 New England Patriot's playoff run defense...

Wrecked...