And now it's songs...

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Re: My poetry. Or Poo-etry, if you don't like it.

Postby Pheonix » Thu Nov 20, 2008 12:58 pm

No offense Chozon. That's one strange song. :wink:
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Re: My poetry. Or Poo-etry, if you don't like it.

Postby Orodrist » Thu Nov 20, 2008 2:15 pm

Classic.
I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do - Robert A Heinlein

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Re: My poetry. Or Poo-etry, if you don't like it.

Postby Chozon1 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 2:52 am

No offense Chozon. That's one strange song. :wink:
None taken. I'm more than a bit surprised myself. O_O

Thanks to you, Orodrist.
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Re: My poetry. Or Poo-etry, if you don't like it.

Postby Orodrist » Fri Nov 21, 2008 7:04 am

For what?
I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do - Robert A Heinlein

Courage ~ Discipline ~ Fidelity ~ Honor ~ Hospitality ~ Industriousness ~ Perseverance ~ Self Reliance ~

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Re: My poetry. Or Poo-etry, if you don't like it.

Postby Chozon1 » Sat Nov 22, 2008 2:23 am

Classic.
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Re: My poetry. Or Poo-etry, if you don't like it.

Postby TripExistence » Mon Nov 24, 2008 4:32 am

Good stuff.

From a critical perspective, I would maybe not add so much repetition of the chorus.

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Re: My poetry. Or Poo-etry, if you don't like it.

Postby Chozon1 » Mon Nov 24, 2008 5:10 am

I had wondered about that. also, I'm changing "slugs" to "sludge" as it makes more sense. :oops:
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Re: My poetry. Or Poo-etry, if you don't like it.

Postby Chozon1 » Wed Dec 31, 2008 3:16 am

I raise this yet again from it's murky grave. To post my latest song. Which I'm stil working on a chorus on. Maybe. I may just use the first part. Let me know what you think.

The wiles of time.

I fear the future.
Lack of faith.
I fear the grief
I am to face.

How to fight the darkest night?
My deepest fears begin to wake.
I cannot run, I cannot hide
from that thing that lives inside.

The monster deep inside myself
Begins to scream “what if you fail?”
I’m stuck within a little shell,
Feel like life’s worth...never mind.

No reply from the light.
Can it be I just don’t hear?
No reply from the light.
To busy listening to fear.

Fear of failure, paralyzed.
Fear of change, of pain of time.
fail to plan, plan to fail.
Yeah that’s a great help.

I’ll have to trust, I’ll need some faith.
I am promised His perfect grace.
Then why so worried,
I don’t know. Mind’s blurry.

I fear the death, I fear the grief,
I am doomed to feel one day.
But why do I fear what I do not know?

I fear the losing of my loves
I fear the future, lack of faith.
I fear the pain of future times.
I fear the badness of this rhyme.

I am promised strength and grace.
for whatever I may face.
I am promised love and hope,
Fear the future? That’s a nope.

I refuse to sit and shake
over future I can’t change.
Love and mercy will be mine,
and everything will turn out fine.
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Re: My poetry. Or Poo-etry, if you don't like it.

Postby Obibear » Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:07 pm

That was...quirky. Is the rhyming great? It's okay. Is the pace alright? Yeah. It's alright. Not fantastic or anything. But there's a sincerity and honesty there that I think makes up for it. You let me see quite a bit of yourself and how you feel in your words. You captured your fears quite well. Good stuff, Choz. I'd like to see more from you. ;)
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Re: My poetry. Or Poo-etry, if you don't like it.

Postby Chozon1 » Sun Jan 04, 2009 2:14 am

Thank you. ^_^

That's the main thing I try to get across. But I should probably take a lot more time on rhyming and flow too.
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Re: My poetry. Or Poo-etry, if you don't like it.

Postby Chozon1 » Fri Sep 11, 2009 1:42 am

BUMP to...well, BUMP it.

Edited the first post.
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Re: My poetry. Or Poo-etry, if you don't like it.

Postby TripExistence » Fri Sep 11, 2009 1:48 am

Screams the man at the edge of death.

By far my favorite line, amidst many other great ones.

Have to say, I don't really care too much for that last verse. It just doesn't seem to fit. I guess it's different when you're reading it instead of hearing it, but now I wish I could.

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Re: My poetry. Or Poo-etry, if you don't like it.

Postby Chozon1 » Fri Sep 11, 2009 1:53 am

Thanks. I'm working on that last line, still. And some music for it. :X
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Re: And now it's songs...

Postby Chozon1 » Sat Sep 19, 2009 6:12 am

Posted new stuff.
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Re: And now it's songs...

Postby Chozon1 » Sat Sep 26, 2009 4:16 am

This is a Christmas song. I got to thinking about what Keero said, that it wasn't BABY Jesus that saved us. Which...is kinda a double negative, since you have to be a baby for you can be a man...anyway, still a good point. I took that and tried to work it into a song. It's not the greatest Christmas song ever, but I actually wrote music for it. XD

Child of God.

Peace on earth, good will to men!
This child will take away our sins.
Sent from Elyon out of love.
Sent to grant his holy blood.

This child as man will save our race
not with sword, but blessed grace
Son of man, we praise your name.
Please take away our guilt and shame.

Oh come let us adore Him
This child of God, so soon to die.
Oh come let us adore Him
Baby Jesus please don’t cry

As a child He knew His voice
Made, so soon, the painful choice.
Even then, He knew the price.
The innocent child, a sacrifice.

Oh come let us adore Him
With tears raining from our eyes
Oh come let us adore Him.
One day soon, you’ll save our lives.

God most High! God most High!
You gave your son, for Him to die.
And so we celebrate the day,
He came to Earth, a weakling babe.

Oh come let us adore Him
Baby Jesus please don’t cry
Oh come let us adore Him.
One day soon, you’ll save our lives.
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