The Joke Thread

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Comotto
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Comotto »

reephn wrote:
Sat May 19, 2018 2:01 pm
Need a boat? I Noah guy!
Love 1 liners! Need separate thread for long winded jokes. :-)

CARZ

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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Abraxun »

Five hundred bricks in a plane. One falls out. How many are left?
Spoiler:
499
How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
Spoiler:
Open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close it.
How do you put a giraffe into a fridge?
Spoiler:
Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close it.
The Lion is having a birthday party and invites all animals except which one?
Spoiler:
The giraffe in the fridge.
Sally wishes to cross a river but it is infested with alligators. She crosses it and lives. How?
Spoiler:
The alligators attended the party, of course.
Sally dies anyway. How could she have possibly died?
Spoiler:
A brick smacked into her dome. Oof!

Marzer
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Marzer »

Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?

Because Noah was standing on the deck.

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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by timedmercury64 »

What did the farmer use to heal the pig from sunburn? Oinkment
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there was a tv with Minecraft on the other side

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ShadowedStarr
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by ShadowedStarr »

mebmatt wrote:
Fri Jun 29, 2012 8:15 pm
Here's a joke my sister came up with (she thinks it's lame) and wanted me to tell it:

What did Harry Potter's godfather say when people thought he was joking about what happened in the Department of Mysteries?



"I'm dead Sirius."
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
"They're shoes... but sharp... But shoes.. But sharp..... I need a moment. I think I'm having some emotions here." ~Stabitha Doogan~

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ShadowedStarr
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by ShadowedStarr »

Ever heard of the dyslexic person who worshiped Dog? Btw I got this joke from my dad Sstavix. I don't find it funny. -_-
"They're shoes... but sharp... But shoes.. But sharp..... I need a moment. I think I'm having some emotions here." ~Stabitha Doogan~

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ArcticFox
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by ArcticFox »

ShadowedStarr wrote:
Thu Jun 21, 2018 1:02 am
Ever heard of the dyslexic person who worshiped Dog? Btw I got this joke from my dad Sstavix. I don't find it funny. -_-
It's a dad joke... You aren't supposed to. :mrgreen:

I get my daughter with jokes like that all the time.
"He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool."
—Brigham Young

"Don't take refuge in the false security of consensus."
—Christopher Hitchens

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Sstavix
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Sstavix »

ShadowedStarr wrote:
Thu Jun 21, 2018 1:02 am
Ever heard of the dyslexic person who worshiped Dog? Btw I got this joke from my dad Sstavix. I don't find it funny. -_-
You didn't tell it right. ;)

Have you heard about the dyslexic atheist who didn't believe in dog?

And since this is the joke thread.... My other daughter asked for some jokes, so I made some up that featured some of her favorite characters from TV... My Little Pony. I won't torment you with all of them, just the best (worst?) ones.

Which pony loves to read vampire romance novels?
Spoiler:
Twilight
Which pony loves breakfast cereal?
Spoiler:
Applejack
Which pony loves HUMAN FINGERS?
Spoiler:
Pinkie

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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Buildhappy3308 »

Why can't you ever hear pterodactyls when they're in the bathroom?

Because they have silent "P"

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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Z_Tank »

Truth to be told I'm not a big person on jokes but here I go

How do you play hide and seek with an ocelot??
Spoiler:
You can't! They are always spotted lol :lol: :lol: :shock:

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TheRealYlias
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by TheRealYlias »

Knock Knock.... Owls.... Yes. Yes they do.

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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Jivesucka »

How many alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Spoiler:
To get to the other side!

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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by EpicCrafter9000 »

Q. Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?

A. Because he knew there was something fishy about it.



Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.

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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by CrazyRandomDOGE »

yeah so I am very bad at jokes but, here goes one. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Boom laugh please...

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BellicosityKit
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by BellicosityKit »

I'm terrible at jokes, so I'll submit a couple funny puns I've seen circulating again...

What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns

What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.

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