The Joke Thread

[Emwok]

A man walks into a bar. *THUNK*

[MrVertebrate]

Heard this one from Jeff Foxworthy... If you think a quarter horse is the kiddie ride in front of Kmart, you might be a redneck!

[ZappierVirus]

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudan, a Batswanan, a Belorussian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Briton, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakh, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scotsman, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub...

The doorman stops them and says sorry I cant let you in without a Thai.

I saw this joke in a Uncle John's bathroom reader.

[ArcticFox]

Heard this one from Jeff Foxworthy... If you think a quarter horse is the kiddie ride in front of Kmart, you might be a redneck!

... you mean it isn't?

[Lexpeee]

Not really good at jokes, but there's one that I clearly remember.

I used to be an ESL Teacher before. We teach Korean kiddos how to use the English language and related stuff.

So I had this conversation with an 11 year old:

Me: Hello, my name is teacher Alex, and I will be your teacher today!
Student: Hello, my name is (Korean name. cant remember. lol), and I will be your "student" for today!

Yeah, for some reason I lol'ed at it because it's very unusual. That was like the first time I had that sudden conversation with a student, because most of my students get tired of hearing the same opening spiel over and over again.

[Chozon1]

Have you ever heard of the almost famous artist Edward Youf`? His paintings were beautiful, lauded by the critics, and yet he always sold them at prices the everyman could afford. He worked solely for the love of the work.

Unfortunately, a clerical error ruined the opening of his gallery, "Art by Ed Youf." The papers he sent out invited everyone instead to the grand opening of "Youf art, Ed." No one showed up.

>_>

<_<

[ArcticFox]

We need an emoji for a groan.

[ZappierVirus]

Agreed.

[Chozon1]

True story though. The failure of his gallery actually made him ill, so he had to stop painting for awhile. His passionate love of art encouraged him to take up writing during his convalescence however, and he penned an inspiring book about his illness and recovery, and the many people who helped him along the way. It didn't achieve high sales, but I liked it personally.

It's called "Youf, ailed: Self help isn't for everyone" if anyone is interested.

>_>

<_<

[ArcticFox]

A facepalm emoji would be good, too.

[Chozon1]

You don't even want to hear about his cousin, Earl Collin.

It was going fine for him until he joined the military; everyone thought he was joke. That ticked the sergeant off, who took it out on Earl by making him do push-ups until his arms almost fell off; the whole experience left a bad taste in his mouth.

>_>

<_<

[ArcticFox]

[Deepfreeze32]

You don't even want to hear about his cousin, Earl Collin.

It was going fine for him until he joined the military; everyone thought he was joke. That ticked the sergeant off, who took it out on Earl by making him do push-ups until his arms almost fell off; the whole experience left a bad taste in his mouth.

>_>

<_<

I don't get it?

[Chozon1]

I don't get it?

"Calling Earl" means you're barfing. I guess it's a southern thing...

That's why Earl actually changed his name; He was tired of the joke, since it had followed him back to his home in Georgia, and made the rounds so that everyone and their grandmother knew.

Not to go to far into my history, but that's actually how I met the entire strange family. I in Georgia, the home state of the Youf's and the Collin's, and standing in line in the Atlanta courthouse (tax reasons; I don't want to get into it). After several hours of waiting in the dreary place, clutching a manila folder to my chest, I saw and heard a guy run by me shouting happily at the top of his lungs. This doesn't usually happen in a courthouse, so when I finally got to the counter, I asked; "Do you know what made that guy so happy?"

He did; he looked up and stared at me with sagely eyes, and said in a very thick drawl, "Guy that ran out awhile ago? I guess I do. He was Collin, Earl when he went back, but now he's Jess Peachy."

>_>

<_<

[Deepfreeze32]

I don't get it?

"Calling Earl" means you're barfing. I guess it's a southern thing...

Huh. I was raised in Texas, and that expression has never been in my vocabulary (Meaning I've never heard it). Maybe it's a non-Texas southern thing. XD