The Joke Thread

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jacklaster
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby jacklaster » Fri Jan 12, 2018 9:17 pm

A mother took her little boy to church.
While in church the little boy said, “Mommy, I have to pee."

The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee’ just tell me that you have to ‘whisper’."

The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, “Daddy, I have to whisper.“

The father looked at him and said, “Okay, just whisper in my ear

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Cloaking_Ocean » Sat Jan 20, 2018 2:04 am

@Deepfreeze32 I love computer programming jokes xD.

Here's one I know:
99 bugs in the code
99 bugs in the code
Take one down
and patch it up
117 bugs in the code...

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Nixnax786 » Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:28 pm

Where was tennis first mentioned in the bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second.
Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants
and the Angels were rained out.

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby EccentricPickle » Sat Feb 03, 2018 4:40 pm

What would a chemist call his homie?

BRO-MINE

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby kittycathead » Tue Feb 06, 2018 12:55 am

Where was tennis first mentioned in the bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second.
Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants
and the Angels were rained out.
XD :lol:

Which state in the USA is the most welcoming?

O-HI-o

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kittycathead
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby kittycathead » Tue Feb 06, 2018 1:15 am

Why was six afraid of seven because seven eight nine
Why did seven eight nine?

Because you're supposed to have three squared meals a day.

:lol:

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby BlockHeadLewie » Sun Feb 11, 2018 12:02 am

Why was six afraid of seven because seven eight nine
Why did seven eight nine?

Because you're supposed to have three squared meals a day.

:lol:
Oh that's cute!
:clap: :lol: :clap:
If God is my Pilot and fully in control of the flight, I guess that makes me a Steward on the plane. How may I serve you?

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby MrFixit » Fri Feb 16, 2018 3:53 am

What do you call o factory that sells good products?
A satisfactory.


What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby BlockHeadLewie » Mon Feb 19, 2018 2:31 pm

Something cute that actually happened while I was babysitting just HAS to be posted!
As the 12 year old boy finished getting ready for bed I asked him if he wanted help saying his prayers. He declared his independence and knelt beside his bed. He began The Lord's Prayer:
"Our Father who is in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread..." Then after short pause he says: "And please don't forget the peanut butter and jelly!"

(What makes this so cute is I've heard about kids who said this, but never actually thought it was true until I heard it myself!)
:lol:
If God is my Pilot and fully in control of the flight, I guess that makes me a Steward on the plane. How may I serve you?

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby kittycathead » Tue Feb 20, 2018 9:53 pm

Something cute that actually happened while I was babysitting just HAS to be posted!
As the 12 year old boy finished getting ready for bed I asked him if he wanted help saying his prayers. He declared his independence and knelt beside his bed. He began The Lord's Prayer:
"Our Father who is in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread..." Then after short pause he says: "And please don't forget the peanut butter and jelly!"

(What makes this so cute is I've heard about kids who said this, but never actually thought it was true until I heard it myself!)
:lol:
wow xD

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Grandewhopper » Sun Feb 25, 2018 8:09 am

Why did was the Number 8 scared
Because 7 ate 9? nope
Because 7 is a prime number and prime numbers are very scary D:

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby kittycathead » Tue Feb 27, 2018 2:33 am

"Keep an eye on the time!"

What about T, M, and E? :P

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gpirchy » Sat Mar 10, 2018 7:21 pm

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven.

As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie." "Whose clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life." "Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked. "Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby kittycathead » Sun Mar 11, 2018 12:44 am

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven.

As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie." "Whose clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life." "Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked. "Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
ROASTED!!!!! :P :wink: :lol:

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Sstavix » Sun Mar 11, 2018 5:47 am

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven.
HA HA HA HA HA!

... oh wait. The joke wasn't over....


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