The Joke Thread

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Howsha
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Howsha » Wed Jun 14, 2017 8:29 pm

What did the number 0 say to the number 8 ?





















































Nice belt :D

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Double_Pixel
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Double_Pixel » Thu Jun 15, 2017 2:04 am

Greetings,

Here's one joke that I like. I usually post riddles at work to get the coworkers thinking a bit more. :-)

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, ''You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?''
The driver is understandably hesitant and says, ''I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that.''
But the pope persists, ''Please?''
The driver finally lets up. ''Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the pope.''
So the pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over. The cop walks up and asks the pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.
Cop: ''Chief, I have a problem.''
Chief: ''What sort of problem?''
Cop: ''Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it's someone really important.''
Chief: ''Important like the mayor?''
Cop: ''No, no, much more important than that.''
Chief: ''Important like the governor?''
Cop: ''Wayyyyyy more important than that.''
Chief: ''Like the president?''
Cop: ''More.''
Chief: ''Who's more important than the president?''
Cop: ''I don't know, but he's got the pope DRIVING for him!''

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Double_Pixel
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Double_Pixel » Fri Jun 16, 2017 3:03 am

Greetings,

This isn't a joke but a question.

What is the best or biggest prank that you have ever done?

For me, it was in college. I was in the dorm room with some friends and, if I remember correctly, one of my friends had groaned. Another asked if he was ok and I had said no, he is turning into a cow. That person had said "Really?". That was all it took to start an impromptu prank. I talked about how his body was changing from his strange condition. My other friends quickly caught up with this and we had a bit of fun. We even had this person believing that he needed to be "Milked". Such was proven when one guy came out of the room with a pail containing some actual milk. We let the victim freak out for a while and then let him know that it wasn't really true. Nobody was turning into a cow. Everybody had a good laugh with it.

I did find it odd though that a college level student could so quickly believe that a person could mutate into a bovine, and even change gender. A cow that gets milked is a female. :-)

So, let's hear what pranks you have pulled that did not result in major damage or causing extreme embarrassment?


Thank you for reading this far. :-)

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Stoney426 » Sat Jun 17, 2017 2:34 am

Character1: Knock knock
Character2: Who's there?
Character1: Dog
Character2: Dog who?
Character1: Dog ate your chip :o

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby boardinmike96 » Sat Jul 08, 2017 6:11 pm

This one is not original, but I think it will give you a laugh...

There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"
(http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/clean-jokes/2)

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby ArcticFox » Tue Jul 18, 2017 4:36 pm

One that I told today that made my eldest daughter hang her head....

I was talking to my son, who was looking forward to hunting Easter eggs. As is tradition, I ask my kids about what they are going to use to hunt their eggs - a shotgun? Are they going bow hunting? But I kicked it up a notch this year.

I asked my son if he at least had a hunting license. He said that he didn't. I tsked at him and told him that he should have a hunter's license if he intends to hunt eggs.

Without a license, he'd be poaching his eggs.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Comotto » Tue Jul 18, 2017 5:30 pm

What did the number 0 say to the number 8 ?


Are corsets back in style?

CARZ


















































Nice belt :D

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Comotto
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Comotto » Tue Jul 18, 2017 5:44 pm

Fish keep up with ' current ' news!

CARZ

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby kittycathead » Fri Jul 21, 2017 8:55 pm

Boston will be celebrating its 400th anniversary in 2030.

So I wondered: will Boston disappear off the face of the earth in 2034?

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby ZanySauce » Sat Jul 22, 2017 2:20 pm

Someone ordered a license plate with his name on it, but when he got it in the mail it said "HISNAME".
AKA ZanyAmoeba :mrgreen:

Ask Amoeba is now officially defunct. Sorry :(

Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 NLT

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My 13th Post

Postby pokernutz86 » Sun Jul 23, 2017 8:44 pm

Why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side.

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My 14th post

Postby pokernutz86 » Sun Jul 23, 2017 8:45 pm

Standing in the door of the cage with no sound except the gentle breeze blowing past and a very long way down, a recruit was heard to ask the R.A.F. Dispatcher, "If the parachute doesn't open, how long will it take me to hit the ground from 800 ft?

The dispatcher calmly remarked, "You'll be about halfway through The Lord's Prayer"

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My 15th Post

Postby pokernutz86 » Sun Jul 23, 2017 8:47 pm

A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.

Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it.

The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."

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Jason397a
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Jason397a » Fri Jul 28, 2017 6:25 pm

Grandma- "Honey, did you behave in chruch today?"
Granddaughter- "Oh, yes, Granny. They passed me a plate full of money, but I said 'No, thank you.'"

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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby Keksikissa » Wed Aug 02, 2017 8:53 am

I do not know joke in english a lot :DD


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