The Joke Thread

[Le_Beholder]

that story though!

[ccgr]

​A man​ and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant.

"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "It's incredible!"

Being a kind hearted man, he thought..
'What the Heck,...I'll treat her!'

So they walked past it again.......

[ArcticFox]

A young boy and his father were in an argument about the weather. His father, Rudolph, was a leader in the communist party and was a very smart man. The mother looked fondly on as they argued.

“Father, I do believe it will snow.”

“No, son, it will rain.”

“You're wrong. It will snow.”

“No, son, it will rain.”

This went for an hour until the mother stepped in.

“Son, listen to your father. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

(Found that joke here.)

[ccgr]

*groan*

[Deepfreeze32]

Which website does the Pope use to make online purchases?

Papal dot com.

[KayneTheBear]

Have you read the book about anti-gravity? I heard it's impossible to put down.

[Dirkdigdeep]

Two painters, Joe and Sam, had a business and were struggling to succeed. One day Sam says to Joe, we aren't gonna pay the bills unless we do something different. Joe says What? Sam replies, we have to thin down the paint and make it go farther. So that's what they did and finally they were out of the red, ... so they thought! One day Joe comes to work to find Sam adding water to the paint. He is white like a sheet and shaking all over ! Sam says< whats the matter Joe? Joe replies: We have to stop! Last night an large angel with a flaming sword stood at the foot of my bed and said: REPAINT YOU THINNER !

[Dirkdigdeep]

The old Jewish farmer crying to his wife, Joseph, was wailing ; "my son My son" ! I sent him away to the best rabbinical school i could afford and he just wrote me back that he has become a Christian ! His wife says; ACHH ! you should go speak with the rabbi about this. So Joseph goes to Jerusalem and find a rabbi and says ACHHH! My son , my son, i sent hims to be a rabbi and here see the letter! He has become a Christan! The rabbi shouts ACHHH YOU TOO? My son ALSO! I also saved and scrimped to send him to the BEST school i could. He told me yesterday he had converted to the Christian faith! Joseph wails; RABBI, what shall we do? The Rabbi says, we should go to the wailing wall and ask G-d what to do, I am ferclumpt! So they get to the wailing wall and place their notes in the crack, and begin to dobbin and wail to God : Our sons our sons, they are converting to Christianity! OH G-d , what shall we do ?! And from Out of heaven come the very VOICE of God ...ACHHH , YOU TOO?

[soulofcaramel]

I guess it has been told many times in here, and it has been mentioned in many Christian talks.... anyway:

Teacher to a little girl in class: "What are you drawing?"
Girl: "God"
Teacher: "But nobody knows how God looks like!"
Girl:"They will in a minute"

[ArcticFox]

I love that one.

[xXDr34dL0rdXx]

3 men are playing golf at a Country Club: Obi Wan Kenobi, Darth Maul and a very old man.
Obi Wan tees off and hits his ball in the sand trap. He mind controls his caddy to mark it a hole-in-one.
Next Darth Maul hits his ball and it lands in the rough. He walks over to his ball and uses the Force to throw it on the green.
Finally, the old man hits his ball over the trees and, into the parking lot, onto a parked car.
The man lifts the car using the Force and brings the car to the green and drops the car on green, the ball then falls of the car and into the hole. Obi Wan turns to Darth Maul and says, "Dang, I hate playing with Yoda!!!"

[SamSlaught]

How does Moses get his tea? Hebrews it.

[Ojara]

How does Moses get his tea? Hebrews it.

That's a coffee joke

A little boy playing in his room starts to grumble and decides to go downstairs, "MOM?! My tummy hurts." The Mother walks out, looks at her son and says, "Have you eaten anything?" The boy shakes his head no. The mother taps her nose knowingly. "Well then, it's because your hungry, your tummy is empty and wants to be fed, follow me." They walk into the kitchen to have some breakfast.

Later on that day, their Church Pastor comes for a house visit, and while playing the little boy overhears their conversation, "I am glad to hear things are going well" the Pastor says. "Mhm, things have been great lately. Hey, Pastor, you keep rubbing at your temples, is everything alright? Do you have a headache?" The little boy overjoyed at what his Mother said, runs downstairs panting wildly, he raises his hand shouting "Ooo, oo, ooo pick me!" The Pastor and Mother look at the little boy quizzically, and the Mother says, "What is it sweetie?" He calms himself down, points at the Pastor and says boldly, "Your head, it's because it's empty, and you need to fill it with something!"

[BlockHeadLewie]

Do you know that The Bible talks about a great comedian? That's right, all the way back in the Old Testament!
Samson brought the house down!

[ccgr]

This is what happens when your child is exposed to too many commercials on TV. A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon.

During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand........

The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor." It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.