Skit: FuShob: The Human Conspiracy By: Harold McBroom
Tonight we have a special guest, here with us, ...FuShob, universally renowned best-selling author of several books I'm sure you've all heard of, such as, "Humans: The Coming Catastrophe", "Human: The Conspiracy", and many others.
First off, we would all like to wish you are warm Shob welcome, and I'm so happy that you could make it here tonight to clear up a lot of questions Shobs around the universe are dealing with, concerning Humans; Now, I think we can all agree that there's no other Shob in the known galaxy more familiarized with the subject of Humans, "Do they exist?", "Is it a Shob Conspiracy?", and some even believe it's nothing more than a religious Shob cult. None of us want a repeat of what happened with the last cult Shob we had... Shobs worshiping the great "Empty", Who knows nothing, see's nothing, contains nothing, ...turns out it was just empty air, but it did pave the way for our underlying mathematical principles, by which everything "Shob" is created, the distance between two somethings is most likely nothing, but can contain something, if nothing is unavailable, and nothing has to be something in order for it to be recognized as something; Only the wisest of Shobs can understand these deep secrets!
Ya know, I think your absolutely correct, in terms of the religion thing, that what it means to be human has nothing to do with all the false propaganda you find on the ShobNet, like, humans have living bodies, can think like Shobs... What I believe it means to be human, is that it's more of a state of mind, not physical existence.
Where do you think these conspiracies came from? Some people would argue that conspiracies have to have some degree of truth, I mean, Shobs just can't create things out of thin air, and establish the reasoning behind it, at some level, they say, that humans may actually exist.
...but we all admit, those that understand the secrets of the Shob Universe that without nothing, we would have no space for something... It is the nothing that provides for all things something! Even humans have a place in this formula somewhere, most likely beneath us, ...of course, since we are obviously the more intelligent of the species! Not beneath us where we are now, but beneath us where we were before we got to where we are now, ...never-mind, it's another deep Shob revelation of truth only the select few have access to.
It's going to be really hard to relay any specific definition to the term Human, because the word Human means so many things, to so many Shobs, some Shobs even worship humans. But then you have the non-believing Shobs who argue, "Have you ever seen a human?", ...well nobody has ever really seen a human, I hear they smell pretty aweful, but that's just another conspiracy theory, not all Shobs smell like Shobobs!
There are those that would even challenge your beliefs... Have you ever seen a human, FuShob? Where does all this massive human information come from, if you've never seen a human?
Like I say, to be Human is a state of mind, and not every Shob mind has the ability, or Shob'clorians to be able to see through their Shob eyes, well, not so much see, but FEEL who they are. We've never seen the great ShoBobba, but you know he's there protecting our race. The same thing can be said about humans! We can't see them with the naked eye, but we know they exist and are destroying what was once our toilet. Which left so many Shobs without a place to crap. I guess you could say they've become crapless, get it, my own little human twist on things.
Another thing to consider is the facts, because we can think all we want, but doesn't make it the truth, and there are many fears in our Shob community of what would happen to a human if one ever landed on our planet!
That's an interesting Scenario, I'd have to say with so many Shobs believing so many things, that the human would have a lot of questions to answer! But then again, you also have to consider the Shob Government, who would be more interested in their technology, don't forget we have the Shobits out there who believe themselves to be Elite, and more knowledgeable than the rest of us stupid Shobs.
And we would have to consider the safety of the human, because even in the medical industry, there are some pretty evil Shobs out there, that would love to dissect a human! Imagine the universal knowledge a Shob could acquire from even a fraction of human research!
We're going to take some questions from the Shob audience, because I see some very interesting ones here...
Yes, what do you have to ask?
My mom says the Shob Government created humans to one day lord over us, but they don't know what they are messing with, because that's too much power for any Shob to control, and they may destroy us!
Okayyyy, tell your mom, she's stupid, next question...
I had a relationship with a human once, but then I woke up!
Let's not go there! Humans are disgusting, and I think some Shob has been watching to much Shobporn!
Daddy says, if humans come here, they will eat our faces off!
Is daddy single, just kidding, don't repeat that! Next question...
Is it true that humans are just as afraid of us, as we are of them?
I don't think we have to be afraid of humans, no Shob has ever even seen a human, so how can you be afraid of something you've never seen? In fact, they may just be a myth, that theory has not been ruled out. Some Shobs are STILL trying to figure out how much nothing weighs, so they can put a price tag on it and control the Shob economy! I tell you, that Shobald Shrump guy may just be President one day!
If humans are so smart, why would they be stupid enough to land on our planet!
We'll have to ask them, if any stupid ones land on our planet, until then, next question...
I hear that humans take many forms, shapes, colors and sizes, so it's hard to tell whose human and whose not, in fact, any Shob here, may be a human in disquise, and we'd never know it, until it's too late, like in that ShobCarpenter Movie, "ShobSomeThing in the ShobNothing"
Someone's been watching too much late night Shobvision! Next question...
I heard a rumor that if you bump into a human too hard, they will break and become two or more different humans, and once they break, they can never be fixed again!
Here's a good question....
In our society, it takes a ShoBu and a ShoBa to make a ShoBaby, but in human society, they don't seem to care what they ShoBuka, I don't think humans have any one specifically in control!
I think the previous question summed it up, that humans are so fragile that they break easily no matter what they ShoBuka, so thats why they do not need to be loyal to any particular gender!
...I got bored with the story at this point