Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby Deepfreeze32 » Fri Feb 03, 2017 12:22 pm

Well, the problem I have is not that they are happening at the same time, but after each other.

Let me give you a high level overview of what I've got so far (Obviously this would be spread out over several books):

Guy (Blacksmith's apprentice) has a pretty normal life.
Guy's village is sacked by an evil sorcerer.
Guy swears vengeance, and drags his best friend (Blacksmith's son) to a city to seek training in the art of war.
Guy's friend becomes a skilled sorcerer himself, guy becomes a kind of spellsword (decent at martial arms and magic, but not a master of either).
Guy meets a general who thinks the sorcerer is manipulating events, and they team up to make a raid on the sorcerer's stuff.
Raid succeeds, but now they're public enemy number one, so they flee to the far side of a desert.
There, a palace of a powerful sorcerer that has been sealed for 1,000 years has been re-opened and a sort of gold-rush has emerged.
They get suckered into exploring the ruins (Hoping to get money to hire men to wage war), get trapped.
Meet mercenary, save mercenary, mercenary offers services.
They escape, only for an ambush!
They win the fight, and gain the loyalty of some other mercenary groups.
With a small army, they go and take the sorcerer's tower.
The spell broken, all seems to be well, but the sorcerer escaped.
They hear that the blacksmith is dying from an illness, so they rush home.
The medicine man treating the blacksmith is the sorcerer in disguise, having seemingly-poisoned the blacksmith to get revenge.
Scuffle ensues, results in the death of the sorcerer, but the blacksmith dies anyway.

<Some sort of narrative break>

Some while later, guy has seen some moderate fame for what he's done, but the world has moved on.
Guy gets recruited into voyage across the long ocean by a merchant (Who is unbeknownst to the reader or heroes possessed by the spirit of the sorcerer whose palace was sealed for 1,000 years).
Voyage nearly mutinies, but makes it.
Strange things on the island scare the crew, but guy continues on with his companions.
Find city reclaimed by the jungle, including giant pyramid.
Inside pyramid is a mysterious scepter.
According to inscriptions, scepter is part of a mysterious key to the realm of the gods (this is what the merchant/sorcerer wants, again unbeknownst to everyone else).
Decide to go get the other pieces, only to be attacked by weird not-quite-human figures outside the pyramid.
Party is separated, and lost in a strange land.



....and that's all I've got so far. See what I mean about an abundance of plot threads? XD

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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby Chozon1 » Sat Feb 04, 2017 4:11 am

I usually do it the opposite... I have a whole cake but before it gets baked, we put the jello mix into the cake in tiny wholes. When it gets cooked the jello bakes/expands. I imagine they still taste the same either way.

For Honor?
This is relevant to my interests. O_o Could you explain the cake a bit more? It sounds a lot different than my recipe, and very tasty.

For Honor looks great. From what I've read, the combat seems like it is more complex than just hack and slash. Depends on how grodyly violent it is, whether or not I'll get it...but it's right up my alley.
Get an L Sectional and then you can sleep with you legs and face pointed the same direction!

Monarchies or democracies or dictatorships? (though to be honest dictatorships are similar to monarchies)
I think I would get claustrophobic. Or be deathly afraid that I would fart directly into my own nostrils. O_o

Well, that depends on the leaders involved, yes? Much as the scholastic environment teaches us that Democracy is the only way to be governed...it's not that simple. A monarchy with a leader that cares for the people would arguably be far better than a democracy with corrupt leadership. Same logic with dictatorships; if you had a leader who loved their people and worked only for their good, who cares if the people put him on office?

It's an even more slippery slope when you realize that the reasons we, as Americans, champion democracy are the same reasons we decry one leader systems.

Too much power corrupts individuals! Well, yes it does; it only takes a glance at our own leaders to see that.

The populace has no control over who leads them! Well, technically the electoral college decides the president, and the parties pick their champions, so it's not like we have any control over it. Else the last election wouldn't have gone the way it did.

The people are only picked from an elite class! Well, most of our leaders are rich lawyers, and you need to be loaded to even run, so...

Historically, monarchy's haven't worked out well because the Arthurian king who loves and cares for his people just...doesn't exist in humanity. That much power handed to one individual is almost guaranteed to corrupt them. It's not safe in human hands. And we can look at modern history to see how dictatorships work.

However, a simple glance at our own country would show the same issues and problems spawned from a democratic system, if on a more spread out scale. Because the same problem applied: With great power, comes great corruption.

Save the only real King in existence. He's the only One who can handle the power. So I, in accordance with my first statement, I choose Monarchy.
Well, the problem I have is not that they are happening at the same time, but after each other.

Let me give you a high level overview of what I've got so far (Obviously this would be spread out over several books):

Guy (Blacksmith's apprentice) has a pretty normal life.
Guy's village is sacked by an evil sorcerer.
Guy swears vengeance, and drags his best friend (Blacksmith's son) to a city to seek training in the art of war.
Guy's friend becomes a skilled sorcerer himself, guy becomes a kind of spellsword (decent at martial arms and magic, but not a master of either).
Guy meets a general who thinks the sorcerer is manipulating events, and they team up to make a raid on the sorcerer's stuff.
Raid succeeds, but now they're public enemy number one, so they flee to the far side of a desert.
There, a palace of a powerful sorcerer that has been sealed for 1,000 years has been re-opened and a sort of gold-rush has emerged.
They get suckered into exploring the ruins (Hoping to get money to hire men to wage war), get trapped.
Meet mercenary, save mercenary, mercenary offers services.
They escape, only for an ambush!
They win the fight, and gain the loyalty of some other mercenary groups.
With a small army, they go and take the sorcerer's tower.
The spell broken, all seems to be well, but the sorcerer escaped.
They hear that the blacksmith is dying from an illness, so they rush home.
The medicine man treating the blacksmith is the sorcerer in disguise, having seemingly-poisoned the blacksmith to get revenge.
Scuffle ensues, results in the death of the sorcerer, but the blacksmith dies anyway.

<Some sort of narrative break>

Some while later, guy has seen some moderate fame for what he's done, but the world has moved on.
Guy gets recruited into voyage across the long ocean by a merchant (Who is unbeknownst to the reader or heroes possessed by the spirit of the sorcerer whose palace was sealed for 1,000 years).
Voyage nearly mutinies, but makes it.
Strange things on the island scare the crew, but guy continues on with his companions.
Find city reclaimed by the jungle, including giant pyramid.
Inside pyramid is a mysterious scepter.
According to inscriptions, scepter is part of a mysterious key to the realm of the gods (this is what the merchant/sorcerer wants, again unbeknownst to everyone else).
Decide to go get the other pieces, only to be attacked by weird not-quite-human figures outside the pyramid.
Party is separated, and lost in a strange land.



....and that's all I've got so far. See what I mean about an abundance of plot threads? XD
Eh...over the course of several books, it's a lot...but I wouldn't think it would be too hard to follow. To me, that sounds like a pretty awesome set of fantasy novels. They need to be sorta complex.
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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby RedPlums » Sat Feb 04, 2017 10:46 am

Very well stated my programmable compatriot.

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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby Emwok » Sat Feb 04, 2017 1:09 pm

Fuego Takis?
Spoiler:



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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby Deepfreeze32 » Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:39 pm

Well, I'm glad it's not too complicated. I have a vagueish outline of what happens after that, too:

Basically, sorcerer-possessed merchant steals the completed key, and tries to open the realm of the gods. The gods easily dispatch the sorcerer, but are confused about what to do with our heroes. They reveal that the world they know (the place they sailed from) is the second of two created worlds, and the land they found the key on is the first. The first creation failed because the interdiction of the gods into everyday life. The gods wantonly began doing as they pleased, and the world fell into chaos. They created the second world to start again, this time with no intervention.

But one of the gods did not follow the rules. This rogue god gave the first sorcerers the ability to use magic. The magical talent became part of the human race, and disastrously upset the balance of the world. The head of the pantheon, the god of justice, dilutes the magical power of humanity to stabilize the world. The rogue god instilled one sorcerer (the one whose spirit has possessed the merchant) with power almost rivaling the gods themselves. The god of justice retaliated by sealing his palace, and condemning him to be a wraith who wandered the empty halls (he did not anticipate the wraith learning how to possess someone). But this rogue god took their revenge, by granting the sorcerer who antagonized the village lots of power.

Now, the gods appear to have the problem solved, but they still do not know who among them is the traitor. Guy realizes that he knows who it was. When he was reading the books in the palace, the books mentioned that some servants saw an apparition of the goddess of love. He had dismissed it as drunken hallucinations, but now he wonders if it were real. The god of justice finds this out, and the pantheon erupts into a brutal civil war. The party manages to leave the realm just in time to avoid being killed.

Keeping the key safe, they resupply the ship and return home. Things seem to be going alright (except for a surge of natural disasters and curious changes in the weather), until one of the messengers of the gods appears before the guy. The messenger mentions that the god of justice wishes to see the guy. The guy agrees, and is transported to the devastated realm of the gods. The god of justice is mortally wounded, and is about to die. He is the only one still living amongst the pantheon. The god of justice explains that the world is dependent on the gods realm, and the death of the gods will destroy the world. The god of justice gives the guy the power of the pantheon combined, and asks that the world be safeguarded. He then dies.

With vast power, temptations start to work their way into the guys mind. He thinks of all the things he could do, how he could shape the world in his image. But he hesitates. He remembers the story of the first creation. How the gods succumbed to their power, and destroyed that which they created. The guy thinks of the example set by the second creation, and how even though the gods did not intervene, their avarice is ending the world.

He comes to a better conclusion: he will fix what the gods have ruined. He creates a new world, the third creation, and moves all living in the second creation to it. This third creation is not tied to the realm of the gods, and will be self-sufficient forever. Magic no longer works, as it relied on the realm of the gods to operate. Having created a world for humanity to exist in peacefully, the realm of the gods collapses around him, making him one with oblivion.

The final scene would have a priest talking to a small group of children, telling them that the legend of the great balancer is how the world was created. A child asks "if there are no more gods, then why are you a priest?" The priest explains that the role of the priests is to teach the lessons of the great balancer. He also adds at the end "Besides, who created the gods in the first place?" with a wink.

Fin.

And...that's my outline. A very, very rough one. I think it needs lots of rework, but I'm rather happy with it conceptually.

What do you think of it as a whole?

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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby Chozon1 » Mon Feb 06, 2017 4:41 am

Very well stated my programmable compatriot.

Fixer Upper?
I'm not a huge fan of shows in that vein. I'll watch cooking shows and craft shows from time to time, but DIY/housing shows tend to bother me for some reason.

Fuego Takis?
One of my favorite bagged snacks. <3 I can only eat a handful at a time though. I tend to get the Aldi brand more often too, since they're cheaper.

Well, I'm glad it's not too complicated. I have a vagueish outline of what happens after that, too:

Basically, sorcerer-possessed merchant steals the completed key, and tries to open the realm of the gods. The gods easily dispatch the sorcerer, but are confused about what to do with our heroes. They reveal that the world they know (the place they sailed from) is the second of two created worlds, and the land they found the key on is the first. The first creation failed because the interdiction of the gods into everyday life. The gods wantonly began doing as they pleased, and the world fell into chaos. They created the second world to start again, this time with no intervention.

But one of the gods did not follow the rules. This rogue god gave the first sorcerers the ability to use magic. The magical talent became part of the human race, and disastrously upset the balance of the world. The head of the pantheon, the god of justice, dilutes the magical power of humanity to stabilize the world. The rogue god instilled one sorcerer (the one whose spirit has possessed the merchant) with power almost rivaling the gods themselves. The god of justice retaliated by sealing his palace, and condemning him to be a wraith who wandered the empty halls (he did not anticipate the wraith learning how to possess someone). But this rogue god took their revenge, by granting the sorcerer who antagonized the village lots of power.

Now, the gods appear to have the problem solved, but they still do not know who among them is the traitor. Guy realizes that he knows who it was. When he was reading the books in the palace, the books mentioned that some servants saw an apparition of the goddess of love. He had dismissed it as drunken hallucinations, but now he wonders if it were real. The god of justice finds this out, and the pantheon erupts into a brutal civil war. The party manages to leave the realm just in time to avoid being killed.

Keeping the key safe, they resupply the ship and return home. Things seem to be going alright (except for a surge of natural disasters and curious changes in the weather), until one of the messengers of the gods appears before the guy. The messenger mentions that the god of justice wishes to see the guy. The guy agrees, and is transported to the devastated realm of the gods. The god of justice is mortally wounded, and is about to die. He is the only one still living amongst the pantheon. The god of justice explains that the world is dependent on the gods realm, and the death of the gods will destroy the world. The god of justice gives the guy the power of the pantheon combined, and asks that the world be safeguarded. He then dies.

With vast power, temptations start to work their way into the guys mind. He thinks of all the things he could do, how he could shape the world in his image. But he hesitates. He remembers the story of the first creation. How the gods succumbed to their power, and destroyed that which they created. The guy thinks of the example set by the second creation, and how even though the gods did not intervene, their avarice is ending the world.

He comes to a better conclusion: he will fix what the gods have ruined. He creates a new world, the third creation, and moves all living in the second creation to it. This third creation is not tied to the realm of the gods, and will be self-sufficient forever. Magic no longer works, as it relied on the realm of the gods to operate. Having created a world for humanity to exist in peacefully, the realm of the gods collapses around him, making him one with oblivion.

The final scene would have a priest talking to a small group of children, telling them that the legend of the great balancer is how the world was created. A child asks "if there are no more gods, then why are you a priest?" The priest explains that the role of the priests is to teach the lessons of the great balancer. He also adds at the end "Besides, who created the gods in the first place?" with a wink.

Fin.

And...that's my outline. A very, very rough one. I think it needs lots of rework, but I'm rather happy with it conceptually.

What do you think of it as a whole?
I think I like it. I only hesitate because I am very much a Disney kid; I like happy endings. XD

Outside of that...I like it. Quite a bit. It's very much high fantasy, and I honestly couldn't predict how you were planning on ending it. It's also reminiscent of Lloyd Alexander (not the plot, but the general feeling of the world and its machinations) in some way, or even Tolkien, which is probably the highest compliment I can pay a work of fantasy fiction.

I'd read it. Probably twice, once I knew how it ended and wasn't so stressed. XD
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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby micah211 » Mon Feb 06, 2017 7:02 am

I think For Honor looks pretty cool too.

As for the cake, I'm not sure. My mom always makes it but I can try to explain.
She makes the normal cake and bakes it about 3/4 the way through, she pulls it out and pokes holes randomly through it, then she pours jello in the wholes.
After that she bakes it until it looks ready and all the jello sort of melts to the cake so it tastes like jello, but isn't in a gelatinous form.

That weird moment when you see somebody you haven't seen in 10 years at work?
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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby RedPlums » Mon Feb 06, 2017 9:51 am

The broadway show Hamilton?
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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby Deepfreeze32 » Mon Feb 06, 2017 10:16 am

Well, good to know I haven't completely made a terrible story there. XD

I'll admit part of me wants a "disney" ending, but I don't think it thematically fits all that well. Plus, Disney endings rarely happen in real life. :P



This is one of the easiest songs I know how to play on Guitar, but I still kinda like it. What about you?

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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby Chozon1 » Tue Feb 07, 2017 1:51 am

I think For Honor looks pretty cool too.

As for the cake, I'm not sure. My mom always makes it but I can try to explain.
She makes the normal cake and bakes it about 3/4 the way through, she pulls it out and pokes holes randomly through it, then she pours jello in the wholes.
After that she bakes it until it looks ready and all the jello sort of melts to the cake so it tastes like jello, but isn't in a gelatinous form.

That weird moment when you see somebody you haven't seen in 10 years at work?

Interesting. It sounds amazing, and I think I'm going to have to try that. It the jello powdered when poured onto the cake, or is it liquid?

That...is the moment when I become a ninja. I am bumbling and slow on any given day, but when I see someone that isn't on my "I don't mind saying hello" list...I am ninja. Fat ninja...but still ninja. There is a split second between the moment people see you and the moment people recognize you. You have that time to decide your action: If I have any kind of time, I immediately try to remember what I looked like when they knew me, and do my best to distance myself from that appearance. I have long hair, and if I change from my normal style (I wear it in a tail, so I can drop it loose) I will. Or simply remove my glasses: I look radically different without them, to the extent of my own sister not recognizing me once. If I take off my glasses and characteristic over shirt, I can pass for any one of a dozen fat nerdy white guys. Especially if I slouch. Or press my face against some sort of display.

It's tricky when you are at work, and cannot necessarily change locations easily. Then, you tend to have to rely on your employee uniform to give some sort of camouflage. When I'm at a store, it's easy enough to duck between an aisle, and use the time when you are out of sight to dash madly for the other end (I have done this; I am not ashamed. >_>), and hope you turn the right direction. Or duck into a clothing rack and hope no one (especially an employee, which raises awkward questions) saw you. I also never let the spark of recognition blaze in my eyes: if I don't act like I know them, it'll make them uncertain that they really know me. Just keep staring forward, pretending they are another individual in the crowd, and run like I've got diarrhea coming on.

If I fail, and cannot escape...well, I just tend to grin and bear it. :P For all my running and hiding, it's usually hugs and smiles, and polite conversation, which isn't all that terrible, in the end. :D Certainly not worth hiding behind the eye glass rack, I guess.

I guess. >_>

Truth is, if I was a bit more successful in my ventures, I probably wouldn't mind talking to individuals from my past. It's a bit tiring to keep saying "Picking my nose in low-earth orbit" when inevitably asked "So what have you been doing?" -_-

The broadway show Hamilton?

I don't tend to like broadway...and I never looked up what the big stink was a few months ago. Seems though, if actors want to preach to the crowd, they should get over themselves.
Well, good to know I haven't completely made a terrible story there. XD

I'll admit part of me wants a "disney" ending, but I don't think it thematically fits all that well. Plus, Disney endings rarely happen in real life. :P

This is one of the easiest songs I know how to play on Guitar, but I still kinda like it. What about you?
Es true, es true. But for me, that's part of the magic of writing. Especially in a fantasy setting: it's not real. It's fiction, so I can craft a happy ending where it would never be in real life. Bad guys can die horribly instead of going on to rule empires, and good men and women don't have to fall to corruption. They can be the wall that doesn't fall, a dream which rarely happens in reality.

But like I said...disney kid. :P

I think I liked it. Sorta funkier than I normally listen to, but I liked the bassline. XD
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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby micah211 » Tue Feb 07, 2017 7:00 am

I sort of messed up the context.... BUT I know exactly what you're talking about. I can't change my appearance... I dress like maybe 10% of my states population.
I saw him at his work, didn't recognize him, and would've said hi anyway XD. It was still... when he somehow recognized me I was stunned. My hair is a different color and style, and I wasn't smiling like usual. This kid took an accurate guess.

As for the jello, it's the liquid stuff.

Best jello flavor?
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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby RedPlums » Tue Feb 07, 2017 9:43 am

The perfect snack?
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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby Deepfreeze32 » Tue Feb 07, 2017 10:26 am

I mean, in the grand scheme of things, I feel like my ending isn't the uber depressing "AND THEN THEY HAD TO GO GET A REAL JOB AND DIED ALONE" thing that real life tends to throw at you. My intent with it is to illustrate that change requires sacrifice, that the needs of the many may outweigh the needs of the one. The theme I also want to highlight is the corrupting nature of power to all mortals. Be in power long enough, and it will corrupt you. So the only way a heroic character can avoid the corrupting influence of power is to either lose the power after "good" deeds (Which might inspire a craving for power), or to die in a self-sacrificial act that creates a change that elevates them to true legend status. So even though the hero dies, they have done one of the most noble things a heroic character can do: lay down their life for others.

Anyway, here's some music for you:


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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby Chozon1 » Wed Feb 08, 2017 3:34 am

I sort of messed up the context.... BUT I know exactly what you're talking about. I can't change my appearance... I dress like maybe 10% of my states population.
I saw him at his work, didn't recognize him, and would've said hi anyway XD. It was still... when he somehow recognized me I was stunned. My hair is a different color and style, and I wasn't smiling like usual. This kid took an accurate guess.

As for the jello, it's the liquid stuff.

Best jello flavor?
That's when you say, "No hablo francaise, senor. Guten tag!" and run from the scene singing 'A tout le Monde'. >_>

That's cool though. XD

I haven't encountered a bad one, if we don't count sugar-free. And those aren't bad, I guess.

I like blue-raspberry and watermelon a lot. Cherry too. Not a huge fan of lime, I guess.
The perfect snack?
A question from the ages. And the answer will always be cold pizza. Hot pizza is great for a meal, but it get's finicky for a snack since most of the time you're watching a movie or playing a game, and trying to handle hot pizza is a bear. Cold pizza is a solid mass, it isn't greasy, doesn't drop a lot of crumbs, and is delicious. <3
I mean, in the grand scheme of things, I feel like my ending isn't the uber depressing "AND THEN THEY HAD TO GO GET A REAL JOB AND DIED ALONE" thing that real life tends to throw at you. My intent with it is to illustrate that change requires sacrifice, that the needs of the many may outweigh the needs of the one. The theme I also want to highlight is the corrupting nature of power to all mortals. Be in power long enough, and it will corrupt you. So the only way a heroic character can avoid the corrupting influence of power is to either lose the power after "good" deeds (Which might inspire a craving for power), or to die in a self-sacrificial act that creates a change that elevates them to true legend status. So even though the hero dies, they have done one of the most noble things a heroic character can do: lay down their life for others.

Anyway, here's some music for you:
Wow. As bad as it would be, now I kinda want to read a fantasy novel that ends with "and after defeating the Lord of Darkness, the Paladin got a real job, worked for 50 years, and died alone." XD

I understand that. And you're right, and it's a good message that people probably need to hear now. Especially in America.

But for me (and I'm just chattering. Not telling you how to end your story...because it's pretty epic and heart pulling)...I want the hero that doesn't become corrupted by the power. The one man or woman who actually manages to shoulder the burden despite all the odds. The hero that is handed the universe, and sacrifices their life for others by living it as a force for good despite their own inclinations. It's impossible, it's not real...but what if it could be?

The song...it was kinda depressing, even though it had a great sound. XD
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Re: Behold, the body of Adonis and the brain of a squirrel.

Postby micah211 » Wed Feb 08, 2017 7:00 am

Blue-raspberry is the best!!! I used to get mad all the time at buffets because they'd have red and blue, but blue was always sugar-free. Following that is grape in my favorites, then lemon.

Why does chocolate pudding and ice cream not actually taste like chocolate?
I am currently a top tier Destiny 2 player on PC.
I stream randomly here https://www.twitch.tv/keter_1
And this is my Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQrL-I ... _moOs0Ua-g
Both are family friendly!


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