I could go into a long version of the story, but I will just say Praises for Growth. In the past five years I have learned so much (alongside learning how much I don't know!) and grown to truly want more of God's will than my own. It has been a night and day difference for me, and added so much joy and peace to my life.
The first 30 years on this planet I held onto my own opinions and ways of thinking like they were going to be stolen if I didn't grip tightly enough. I didn't ask questions, even though I had them rolling around inside, and I was so afraid my faith would come crashing down. In one swoop God gently pride my fingers free and took away my fear of asking questions and seeking truth. I asked, I sought, and I found, and what I found was better than anything I could have imagined.
Then in the past few months I've been reading new books and absorbing new ideas that have propelled me even further. I'm allowing thoughts to flow freely instead of putting up walls. During this I've been keeping an eye on the truth and then letting other things just go their own way. It feels like every day is an explosion of growth and it just keeps going.
I share this witness not only to sing praises, but also to let others know that if you are in the boat I was - if you have questions and are worried God maybe isn't strong enough to answer them (or even real) - there are people who will walk gently with you and help you find answers. They may not be the answers you want at times (I still don't agree with some things in Scripture, but I also am not God who gets to make that call because I don't see the bigger picture like He does) but the answers are there. Sometimes they're crystal clear, sometimes they're vague, sometimes you're not ready for them just yet, but they exist. The key is to find people who don't have an agenda, and speak the truth in love. So many sources today have such agendas... whether they be trying to push towards God or away. God doesn't need that interference. Truth can stand on its own. I've been trying to change to do my best to just present truth and get out of the way. I'm blessed to be a part of proclaiming the truth, but the truth doesn't need me. I get to be a participant in it, I don't "have" to be for it to survive or something. For a long time I believed I had to hold it up or it would fall down. Man... Oh well, lessons learned.
Anyways, glory to Him who loves us. It's good stuff.