I'm feeling pretty miserable right now. I'm about to go to bed, but I figured I ought to post this beforehand. I can give more details tomorrow or whatever if they're needed.
I'm a pretty messed up person. I kind of flop back and forth between not letting people see how highly I think of myself and not letting people see how lowly I think of myself. Earlier today, I was in "high" mode.
Long story short, I got into a discussion with a guy who is a doctor and was a missionary for twenty years, and now no longer believes in the Bible. I told myself that it was all for God's glory that I was talking to him, but who knows. Maybe I just wanted to prove him wrong because it seemed like he might listen.
I made some good points, that he agreed with. But at the end, our discussion turned to evolution. I pulled out all the stops. Thermodynamics, biogenesis, C14 dating, etc. I had a pretty well coated layer of evolution-proof science layed out.
Yeah. I'm 20. He's a doctor. He, very politely and courteously, smeared me. And when I say politely, I don't mean that he was being passive aggressive or pretending to be nice. He really was being polite. But he pretty much showed me that I don't know what I'm talking about. Now, he didn't actually answer the crucial questions. He didn't answer where life, or even matter, could come from without God, for example. But the way he described himself was that he wanted to be a Christian, and sought Christianity, but finally couldn't ignore the evidence anymore. I'm not sure I buy it, since it looks to me like he was in it more for what it would get him than because he loved God (though, I don't even know him, so I'm not one to be making judgements). And I feel pathetic now. I don't even know what to feel. I didn't understand half the terms he was talking about, if that.
I have a friend praying for me. I was talking to her a little afterwards and mentioned it to her on a whim. I'm not sure how strong she is in her faith. She comes to me for help fairly frequently, and I'm not exactly the best guy around to help people. Not to say that she's shallow or anything. She's definitely growing. It's just that I'm not really able to lean on her. And I'm really bad at understanding what people mean when they say to lean on Christ. I want to, but I'm bad at it.
I'm rambling. I've said not half of what I could've said if I were intending to include actual detail in this post that I'm supposedly jotting out before bed. Just... Life is difficult right now. Not more difficult than it's ever been, but still difficult, and this recent encounter has kind of torn a small gash in a healing wound.