I've been struggling with depression lately. I think I know the cause but there isn't much I can do to stop it.
It's not like I am contemplating suicide but I am just really frustrated and a little more than just sad.
I have a very difficult time talking to new people in person. Thing is though, I hate being alone with no one to talk to. I mean, sure I have God to talk to, but I mean as in people, like classmates.
I can't stand being alone but I panic when I am surrounded by strangers in class. I know their names, but I can't talk.
It's different when it's online with you all, but, I am a coward and afraid when outside.
I have friends, (well more of a friend) that I am really close to and I can chat with. I only see him, however, on Wednesday nights for youth group. I have "friends" on Facebook, but when I message them, post something, or talk to them in person, I am pushed aside as though a tool not needed for the moment.
I say that because, well I excel in almost all of my classes (except Government), and people only come to me for aid, assistance, thoughts, answers, etc. But when it comes to talking outside of that or hanging out, I am nothing but garbage to them. In Church I am just plain unnoticed.
The so called friends I do have in school are complete jerks; inconsiderate, crude, and so on. Completely mock my beliefs and choices. I have, literally, no support in any shape or form from these "friends".
When I talk to people from Church like by texting, I am ignored. When I talk to them in Church (not during service), I am glanced at but meet nothing but an empty gaze.
I know as the Bible says (I don't remember exactly where or what the exact text was) "As you grow closer to Him, your ties to the world become bitter" and "a servant cannot serve 2 masters for he will love one and despise the other or he will praise one and kill the other". I'm not saying that a social life is a master to me, but isn't a Church a place to support each other, help each other out, and build stronger ties? Aren't friends supposed to help one another, have each other's backs, or even support them in a tough decision?
If not then what I have for a home has been feeding me nothing but filth!!!
You guys are friends to me, but I don't know you.
My true friend is normally busy (not God but an actual buddy I know who might actually join this server btw) and I hardly ever have the chance to talk to him.
This isn't much of a prayer request but more of a plea for someone to talk to. My name is Randall Lawrence, please take notice of what I have to say.
"I will cut off your horns! We were born to fight! We are children of Fire! We are Lions!"
-Christian metal band "Oh, Sleeper"-