Need help

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Chozon1
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Need help

Postby Chozon1 » Wed Jul 03, 2013 9:26 am

For reasons I cannot Identify, I'm dealing with some really horrible mental stuff right now. Thoughts that make me nauseous, but I can't seem to control them and I hate my life and myself because of it. I've actually started wondering if I'm mentally ill, or just very depressed, or if it's just some stupid mental game or demonic attack. I'm at a loss, and rather terrified.

Anyway, please pray for me. I've never faced anything like this before. I believe it's depression, as it'll hit for a moment, or an hour, and then go away and I'm fine until it happens again.
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Re: Need help

Postby TripExistence » Wed Jul 03, 2013 2:18 pm

I'm sorry to hear that Chozon... I'll definitely be praying.

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ccgr
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Re: Need help

Postby ccgr » Wed Jul 03, 2013 2:24 pm

Praying and here if you want to talk.

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Re: Need help

Postby ChickenSoup » Thu Jul 04, 2013 2:52 am

Praying, buddy
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Re: Need help

Postby Chozon1 » Sat Jul 06, 2013 8:45 am

Thank you all. I really appreciate your prayers, and just...being there.

I think, or at least at present, I've decided that's it's a wicked combination of fear, serious depression, and despair...It was a really hard day, but it's getting better now...still disgusted at my own mind, and still in trouble, but...better.
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Kwan
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Re: Need help

Postby Kwan » Sat Jul 06, 2013 8:10 pm

I'll be praying for you man.

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Re: Need help

Postby Orodrist » Sat Jul 06, 2013 9:39 pm

Go get yourself a bottle of Jameson and some ammo and find somewhere quiet to go postal man. It helps.
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Chozon1
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Re: Need help

Postby Chozon1 » Sun Jul 07, 2013 8:05 am

The problem is, I don't want to find a way to let go, I want to be healed, or locked away. I can't go on living like this. It's like being trapped in a nightmare. I'm deathly afraid that I'm going to harm someone and make one of the thoughts a reality.

I've asked my parents for help. I can stare at the mirror all I want and tell myself that I don't want to do any of these things, that I never will, that it's just depression and fear, but in the end, I'm terrified that some part of me actually does want to, and will take over.

I realize that sounds theatrical, but yeesh...I'm kind of stunned at the depth of all this. I have no idea where it came from.
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Nate DaZombie
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Re: Need help

Postby Nate DaZombie » Sun Jul 07, 2013 2:03 pm

Praying

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Re: Need help

Postby Sstavix » Tue Jul 09, 2013 4:59 am

I've been there, man. Stay strong, and I'll be praying for you!

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Re: Need help

Postby Bruce_Campbell » Thu Jul 11, 2013 5:07 am

I know you mentioned you talked to your parents; please don't be afraid to ask someone you know for help if you need it, or to seek professional help. I've been there, there's no shame in it. And if you ever need to vent, feel free to send me a message.
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Re: Need help

Postby Chozon1 » Sat Jul 13, 2013 8:58 am

Thanks Bruce. I went for a few days OK, then had two really hard ones. I called a counselor at Bellevue earlier and set up an appointment on Wednesday, and I 'spose I'll see where it goes from there.
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Re: Need help

Postby ArchAngel » Sun Jul 14, 2013 11:34 pm

Hopefully, things look begin looking up soon. They will, but hopefully sooner.
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ccgr
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Re: Need help

Postby ccgr » Mon Jul 15, 2013 1:07 am

Prayin, let us know how it goes.

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Chozon1
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Re: Need help

Postby Chozon1 » Thu Jul 18, 2013 8:28 am

Counseling went good...Feel a little more hopeful, a little more at peace. Not to be unserious, but part of me was hoping for a "SHABOOZY I'M CURED" moment, which didn't happen. :) But...I'm more hopeful, more at peace. A little less afraid. God has been blessing me, and helping me.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. I'll update this as I scootch along, I 'spose.
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