Please pray.

[Blue]

Lately it feels like I have lost control over myself. Instead of being so interested in reading the Bible, learning and living for God, I've been spending more time pleasing myself. I came to this point because of past stress and many other things. I feel like I'm living in a bubble, and I'm isolating. I've been having many depressing thoughts.

I was dealing with panic attacks and depression since I was 18. When I got to know God, all of these problems went away and I became a much happier person. Right now, I feel like I'm going back to being my old depressing self.

Please pray for me.

[JOJ650s]

I will be praying for you!

[neilestuye]

He's got ya.

And I'll be praying.

[aslanswarrior]

You are in my prayers!!!!!!

[ccgr]

praying, I'm here if you want to chat

[ArcticFox]

Don't give up. Life isn't a straight road but a series of hills and valleys.

[neilestuye]

And God don't make no mistakes!

[Syxth]

I agree with neilestuye.

I don't know specifically what to say, but I do know I'm going through something thats probably similar. I get confused doctrinally and feel completely messed up in the head some days without hope, like a lost cause. Hebrews 11 has been thrown at me a lot lately and maybe it would help you, but I don't know if this even pertains to my problem. The only thing I can get from it is that people who had faith keep pressing on regardless of how much they lose themselves in the process. In fact, doesn't Jesus say that whoever loses his life for His sake will find it?

I know lately he's been trying to deal with me in a certain area that I don't want him to touch on. To the point where I've been "self-stimulating" to the max just to not sit down and feel dead in certain areas of my life. I cleaned out my car, washed it, and cleaned my entire place, throwing out all my junk, selling stuff on ebay, and organized everything.

I don't feel loved as much as I want by him. I have a lot of wounds that need his love in there, but I'm too afraid to go into the wounds with Him to allow Him to do heal them. But I do have the faith that He will lead me out eventually.

------------------

Is there something that's been eating at you lately that you can share? Or is it too personal? If it's too personal then it's cool. I'm pretty sure what your going through is a good thing, not a bad thing. He is with you though. I want to recommend this http://gatewaypeople.com/ministries/fre ... ros/media1 It's freedom ministries. I would recommend going through the foundational classes first, but then look into "Dying to Self".

Please correct me if I'm wrong about Hebrews 11.

[Blue]

Thank you everyone for your prayers and encouragement. I feel a lot better now and I'm starting to feel that spark where I want to spend more time learning and living for God.

Syxth, my situation is similar to yours. I feel like there are major things I need to change about my life, but I'm very worried and overwhelmed by it. I feel like I'll be safer if I continued doing these things, and in turn it makes me more anxious and more stressed. So I spend time making myself busy by playing video games, cleaning up my room, cleaning old game cartridges, fiddling around with my NES, and worst of all... I spend a lot of time on Ebay as well, trying to get a good deal on more video games that will keep me even more busy.

The truth is, I look at my life and I can see that if I continue doing things my way, I won't be happy. I could sit around, play video games and only talk to my friends and family through text messages or on Steam, but I'm honestly robbing myself from a true life for God.

Reading Hebrews 11 felt like something I honestly needed to read at this time. Same with Romans 7:7-25.

Part of the reason why I'm afraid to change is because of my past. There were moments where I made drastic changes in my life, and it caused me to be even more miserable than I was before it. I think I really need to trust God with this, and to really believe that everything will go the way He has planned it.

Thanks for that Syxth. I'll be watching those Sermons. Starting with the first class.

[fathom123]

Hey Guys,

How often are you guys plugged into your local church/body? Do you guys have people who you can talk to that disciple and guide you right where you are?

I know for me personally, I have a few people who I can go to and unload my burdens on that will give me sound godly advice. If you don't have anyone like that right now, pray to the Lord for Him to bring someone. Trust me, it's better than floundering in confusion and the voice of the enemy trying to cloud your thoughts at the same time.

Having a physical christian community does a few things.

1. It provides a buffer, filter, and sounding board for thoughts that are confusing or deceiving.
2. It provides encouragement. When you hear that someone else is going through the same problems and they are walking through your problems with you, it's strengthens you (Proverbs 27:17).
3. If you notice that God is a Triune God, three people existing as the same person. When He said, "Let's make man in our image" (Genesis 1:26) He did so. Adam was made in the image of community. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit continually fellowship with one another. That's why Jesus prayed in John 17 that they (the body) may be one as We are one. The necessity for community is essential to personal growth and essential for life as a believer. Consider a vine, if you cut off one branch from the vine can it exist alone? No, it withers and dies. Understand that an online community can do only so much.

There was a priest that my Master's Commission would go visit for classes. His name is Father Kurt. He said that sometimes, you need someone with skin on them. The words you glean from the forums are genuine and the heart behind them I'm sure is one of love, understanding, and wisdom. However, it is no substitution for a face to face encounter with the rest of the body.

4. When you are in community, it removes opportunity for the enemy to strike. Consider the phalanx, if you have other brothers and sisters in the faith as your shield bearers, there will be no room for the enemy to strike a vulnerable spot.

I hope this helps, I'm praying for you guys.

[Syxth]

I wish I could wrap my head around Romans 7. I come from a really legalistic law Baptist Christian background. No offense to any Baptists on this board. I get stuck between law and freedom in Christ a lot. Get caught in the trap between whats right and wrong. I thought I had it once, but was too scared to stick with it. Thats whenever I was up in Princeton and there was a spirit teaching me things from the bible and things that were happening around me. I also am almost 100% sure angels called my name to snap me out of confusion in a mall too. This was only about a month and a half ago and its really when I was seeking God more than I think I ever have.

The doctrine that I was taught according to what the spirit showed me according to Romans 13 and 14. And maybe a couple of other verses I would have to dig up again. Was that freedom in Christ is basically based on our own conscience by faith. Absolute freedom as long as it doesnt go against the law and man's law or somebody else's conscience. Lets say "long hair" for example or going to church with shorts on or a baseball hat. I dont believe any of these things are problem. If I had a church I wouldnt care if a dude came in having all 3. But for some they would might get so offended and walk out or actually have the nerve to tell the guy that he needs to do this or that to please God.

Im sorry if I offend you or anyone on here with what ive said. I just have huge bone to pick and it is one that seems like ill have to do myself. I think Paul even says that right? Work out your salvation on your own for the most part, but not to forsake the assembly. Paraphrasing and mixing two passages there I think. At least I would say thats the gist of what hes saying.

After reading my own statements above as somewhat arrogant as they may seem. My own reaction to these stumbling blocks put in front of me was my fault, because of my own lack of diligence in knowing the scriptures. Its hard for me to even trust myself or a spirit for that matter in understanding the scriptures. I do think this was the holy spirit.

Anybody want to comment or elaborate on Romans 7? Also is anybody Pentecostal or have a deep relationship with the holy spirit?

Fathom. I get what your saying. the church I went to was not warm at all. No genuine seeking for God. Ill be attending it though here shortly, getting baptized this Sunday, actually. The former pastor died and for awhile they didnt know what to do, but they have a new preacher and I hear its getting better. The last pastor didnt really have the anointing and this other guy, haven't met him yet, might actually have. I think the main reason though was not just a lack of anointing, but the flock was out of wack. They did the best they knew how though.

[ccgr]

Syxth,

Maybe this will help, it's our Romans Bible study.

http://www.christcenteredgamer.com/phpB ... =37&t=8920

[fathom123]

@Syxth-Legalism is the curse we as people face daily. We get law. If you do something wrong, something else happens. What is hard to grasp is grace. Genuine grace is an empowering force that enables you to walk apart from our own ways. As far as what you said regarding Baptist churches, I understand where you are coming from (I am attending a baptist church at the moment). It's not just in Baptist though. The spirit of law or the lack of love can be seen all around. I grew up Assemblies of God (Pentecostal) and a lot of churches looked down and even openly spoke against the liturgical churches. Their legalism was out of what they understood grace to be. They assumed that if you prayed a prayer from a book or sung an old hymn you were considered legalistic. Instead I've seen and do know many individuals who are in the liturgical (catholic, orthodox, episcopal, etc.) who are on fire for the Lord and love Him deeply.

Our battle is not with one another. Each faith has a different approach but the same core. Now separate religions and cults are another matter entirely.

Syxth, you are an amazing child of the Most High God. He loves and cares for you more deeply than you could ever possibly imagine. His heart is abundant to say the least and His desire is FOR you, not against you.

The best thing you could do is spend some time in prayer and be open to His love. Let his Spirit wash over you. He loves you so much!

Regarding community, the Lord can open doors that will blow your mind. Sometimes the best people who offer words led by the Lord are the ones most unexpected. Ask the Lord to bring such people into your life and ask Him for a discipler, someone who will come alongside you with wisdom and be a guiding voice in times of confusion or trouble.

[Blue]

Thank you fathom.

I'll admit right now, I haven't been attending Church much, and I haven't been engaging in a community for a very long time because of my past fear of growing up in a Pentecostal church, a very judgmental one. Parents weren't teaching their kids about the Bible, but more forcing it onto them and telling them what they shouldn't do. Instead of showing them how much God loves them, they would point out every sin in every small thing that kids would do, and punish them by spanking right inside the church. It was common to see a parent smacking their child on the back of the head just because they wouldn't sing a hymn, or because they wanted to go to the washroom during church. When I grew up, my parents were the only ones who didn't do this and I love them for it to this day. Our family was always considered to be the "rebellious" group because of a lot of disagreements. Of course, kids became rebellious once they became teenagers. They don't know God, and they don't know how to live for Him, and they would act out by drinking, dealing pot inside of the church and getting into fights during choir practice.

Guess what? Fingers were pointed right at me. They were saying that it was the influence of my parents that these kids were acting out. It was because of my semi-long hair and jeans in church that caused their kids to be this way. I've left the church and never looked back.

I'll admit, I haven't really researched much about things like this. I have friends who grew up in a similar environment and it really helps talking about it, but most of them haven't left the environment yet and really, I'm all alone. I feel like I need to be involved in some sort of a community, but my past haunts me. I wish I could list every single detail, but I don't want to go back to thinking about those days. I also don't want to paint this image like they're bad people. I think they're just very misinformed and need a lot of help as well.

I've never really prayed about finding a community, or friends that could help me through this. I'll admit, I was just always afraid to bring it up. Now, I honestly see that this is what I need.

Thanks.

[fathom123]

@Krytae-You know it's ok to go and just check out churches? If the one you are attending is unhealthy then go to another. Also, don't be constrained by which denomination it is. The truth is that you need to be plugged in where they are teaching sound doctrine, living it out, loving one another, and loving the Lord. When you find a place that is family, then you stay there.

I am a big fan of growing where you are planted. Just because things get a little rough, you work through it. The only difference is is that the community I am in is healthy and capable of working through it. If that is not the case for you, you need to pray for them and ask the Lord where He wants to pant you. Once there, become part of the family. Attend all of their functions, feel awkward, tell stupid jokes, laugh, cry, everything a family does. That's how the body is supposed to be. Messy but beautiful. The Lord is with you!