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Villager News

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:22 am
by JesusIsLord713
Welcome to the official villager news page! Villager News originated from a series of the same name created by Element Animations, who actually made animations concerning villager news and posted them on Youtube. After watching these villager news episodes on Youtube, I became inspired to create a villager news of my own (in the form of text, I don't know how to animate and it would take to long :lol: ). So I decided to post an entry on the spam forums of Ccgr! However I did not expect how many sequels I would make to the villager news series (and, they aren't spam :D ). The first few were just revisions of the ones on Youtube (though changing quite a few things), later though I started to create villager news that were not part of the series on Youtube at all. So, as a result I decided to create a new topic here just for villager news! Enjoy my series of villager news! I will post new ones from time to time (sometimes more quicker and other times slower, depending on how busy I am). For now enjoy my past entries of villager news. :D

One more thing to note, for new entries I will actually create a name for the episode aside from "Villager News". Something I haven't really done with previous entries.

Re: Villager News

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:27 am
by JesusIsLord713
Villager reporter comes in saying, "Welcome to Villager News!"

Villager child comes in and interrupts the reporter, the reporter throws a block to the other side of the room saying "go play with some blocks child!"
"Cough Cough, sorry dust in my mouth. Anyways BREAKING NEWS! We are at war with our arch rivals, the zombies. They seem to be stronger than we imagined! AAAAAHHH!! Breaking news! The skeletons, spiders, zombie pigmen, slimes, mag..."

Villager 51 runs in asking the reporter for a glass of juice. He replies with "um EXCUSE ME! I am trying to report the latest news here. And you're not helping!" Villager 51 runs out crying.

The villager reporter continues with saying "magma cubes, and every other hostile mob in the world! Villager number 10, what do you have to say about the war?"
"Thank you villager 100! (villager 100 is the reporter) War is not good so far. The zombies are stronger than we thought. They are carrying TNT with them and blowing them up in our beautiful homes!" (he mumbles under his breath) "...and the iron golems we hired have REALLY terrible services...charging us 100$ an hour for killing 5 hostile mobs..."

Villager 100 says "Thank you villager number 100! As you can see we are losing the war. AHHHH this can't be!" (runs out of the room screaming)
Villager number 32 comes in with a chocolate bar and then notices the camera is focusing on him. He is shocked and drops the chocolate bar. He then says "Is this how villager news normally ends?"

And that is day 1 of villager news! See you guys tomorrow! The camera villager says under his breath "If we can get the reporter back"

Re: Villager News

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:34 am
by JesusIsLord713
Villager news! Day 2

(Reporter) "Welcome to Villager News! Sorry I ran off stage yesterday...was extremely hyper." "BREAKING NEWS! One of our houses is to high above the ground due to a badly generated world!" "Let's go see villager number 9 on the scene and see what he has to say about this terrible generation."

"Thank you villager number 100!" "As you can see this the world was badly generated and we are stuck in this 30 block high house!" The police have not come yet to evacuate us and 2 villagers were really dumb and fell out of the house!" AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! If we can't get down how did we get up?!?! This is to much to process in our villager minds!!!" (All villagers run around the house screaming)

"umm...thank you villager number 9. That was very...interesting. Anyway I wonder who would be so cruel as to generate a bad world! (Video camera runs out of battery) "Hey! How come the camera isn't working!?! Nooooo!!! The batteries are dead!

Everyone in the room says "awwwww"

"Well let's grab a new camera and see what villager number 18 has to say about the house."

"Thank you villager 100!" As you can see behind me a scientist villager is setting up some creepers next to the house. I think he is planning to..." (interrupted by explosion sounds) "...well that is what he was planning. And the house is blown up. 1 villager died during the explosion. The others are being taken to the hospital for zombie WAIT! VILLAGER treatment!

"Thank you villager number 18!" "Well this raps of today's villager news! See you next time!" (villager child knocks out villager 100's microphone) "Sorry Pa!"

"Oh son! Why do you always have to knock out my microphone?!"

Re: Villager News

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:35 am
by JesusIsLord713
Welcome to Villager News day 3!

(Reporter) "Hello and welcome to Villager News!" (talks to villager 11 in secret) "WHAAAAT!! Are you serious?!?!"

"Yes, I am serious! How have you not noticed by now?!"

"BREAKING NEWS! Somehow our village well spawned in the desert! This caused all our houses, farms, and roads to be built out of sandstone! Despite our houses being in the plains! Villager 77 what do you have to say about this terrible well?"

"Thank you villager 100! As you can see the well has definitely spawned in the desert." (random villager falls inside the well) "HOW many times do I have to tell you villagers!?!? No matter what, don't look into the well!...Am I still on camera?" (Camera zooms in on the villager inside the well) The villager says "hello! It's cool, just taking a quick bath."

"Thank you villager 77. We should take out this disastrous well immediately! Villagers 50 through 60! Take out your pickaxes and destroy the well!"

The villagers look at him with fearful looks. Villager 56 says "um...hate to say it...but...we don't know how to mine blocks."

Villager 100 looks at them shockingly, yelling "I THOUGHT YOU GUYS KNEW HOW TO MINE!

"Wwww.wwwee a.a.a.are s.s.s.soooo sorry!" Then they all run out of the room crying.

"Does anyone in this room know how to mine?" 1 villager raised his stick. Since they can't really raise hands. Villager 100 then said "Well if you can do it then DO IT! I will pay you 5 emeralds for your work."

(10 hours later) "pant I done yet?"

Villager inspector 1 says "hmm lets see." He inspects and says "Ok are you seriously asking me if your done after only mining 3 blocks? The Villager sighs and breathlessly goes back to work. Finishing in like a week.

"Well that's it for today folks!" 3 villagers come in and say Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun VILLAGER NEWS!"

(Few seconds later) Villager 100 angrily says "That wasn't part of your script villagers! Aarrgh!!!" Camera turns off and then the sound of glass breaking is made.

The villager child said "Sorry pa! I broke your window!" Villager 100 angrily says "Grrrrr!! Child! Stop fooling around and get back to doing your schoolwork!"

Re: Villager News

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:36 am
by JesusIsLord713
(Villager reporter) "Welcome to another great day of villager news! Ah the air is so fresh, isn't it villager 5?"

Villager 5 just stares at him like he is so dumb. Villager 6 comes up to tell him that the air is not fresh and the zombies have placed lava around the village like a moat.

"WHAAAAAT!!!!???? BREAKING NEWS ONCE AGAIN! Our rivals, the zombies, have done something terrible! They have surrounded our precious village with icky, stinky, hot lava! Villager 82 what do you have to say about this terrible lava?!"

Thank you villager 100! As you can see the zombies over here are by the minute increasing the amount of lava there is!"

A zombie then sneaks up behind the villager and pours lava right behind him. "AAAAHHHH why are my clothes on fire?!?! You terrible zombie! I will tear you to shreds!"

Villager 82 attempts to catch up, but burns up in the process. The zombie then touches him and transforms into a zombie villager.

"Oh no! Villager 82 has turned into a evil version of us! We have nowhere to evacuate...THIS IS THE END!!!"

Everyone in the room says "awww"

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Villager 17 answered and said "hello!"

The villager didn't seem interested to chat, instead he was interested in the reporter up on stage. The interesting visitor then took off his disguise and groaned. "Oh no it's a zombie!" Villager 17 said "I should've known! EVERYONE EVACUATE!"

"Are you ridiculous?! We have nowhere to run remember?!"

"Um hello we have a well don't we?" Villager 100 responded with "Oh right duh! Villagers 10-15, take these buckets and take out all the lava immediately!"

They did so, however at the time 50 zombies were waiting to turn the villagers into zombie villagers. The zombies saw their chance and entered the village in huge numbers. Afterwards all the villagers were screaming "AAAHHH!!!"

The reporter states "Until next time! See you next time for villager news!" A zombie then chases the reporter. To which the reporter says "No! Not another zombie!" Then starts running back and forth in the studio fleeing from the zombie.

A villager child then peaks out of his room saying "Was that my pa that just said a zombie was in here? Well I don't see any zombies! So there must be none, YAY!" Then he goes back into his room to continue playing with his blocks. Going unnoticed by the zombie.

Re: Villager News

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:37 am
by JesusIsLord713
(villager news episode)

(villager reporter) "Aaaaahhhhh!!! Helicopter hurry!!" Once on the helicopter he says "Oh! Welcome to villager news! I hope you didn't see what just happened prior to getting on this slow moving helicopter...I should of asked for a plane instead."

Villager 60 (who started recording) gulped. Villager 100 noticed and said "Does that gulp mean...YOU RECORDED ME RUNNING FOR MY LIFE?!?!?!?!"

Villager 60 says "yes sir! I am handing the video camera to you now sir! I am now finished sir!" Villager 60 then does a flip and falls out of the helicopter and is taken to the emergency room due to bones breaking. ""

"............................Oh! I am still recording! Anyway this episode of villager news will be different from the last one. My studio unfortunately got ruined by the zombies and are taking over. So I will have to do this episode on a helicopter."

A villager that is part of the helicopter says "Hello! I am a helicopter!"

Village 100 is annoyed "I know that! You wouldn't be if you weren't part of it! Now please...GET MOVING FASTER!!!"

"cough cough, excuse me...anyway our village has gotten over runned by zombies. We are currently looking for a new place of residence."

Villager 15 looks down and says "Hey everybody! I think I see some buildings!

The helicopter lands and the villagers start to inspect the village. They find no one lives in the village so they take residence. Villager 100 says "ahh...such a great place to be. I think I actually prefer this place than the previous village."

(1 week later) 1 night. The villagers go inside their homes as normal. Around midnight, new mobs come to the village. The villagers are asleep but wake up to the sound of strong footsteps. "What's that sound?!" One villager calls, "I can't sleep with noise like this!"

"Go back to sleep!" The villagers mate smacks him with a stick to make him go back to sleep.

The creepy mobs come closer and start banging on the doors. The mobs look a lot like iron golems so the villagers head out. Only to realize they are the iron golems evil twins! The ZOMBIE golems!!!

Villager 100 shouts "I SHOULD'VE known!!! Not again!!!" Everyone panics once again and run throughout the village. Fortunately, just like the iron golems the zombie golems are really slow. The helicopter veeery slowly comes back. "Can't you come quicker helicopter?! That's it! I am hiring a plane!"

Villager 100 then dials the plane phone number and gets an answering machine that says "I am sorry but we are currently all out of available planes."

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Such bad timing!" Villager 100 exclaimed loudly. He then throws the phone on the ground and it breaks. The helicopter then comes and everyone comes aboard. With 3 villagers that eventually become the golems snacks.

"Villager news is over for today! Next time, don't you DARE start another recording without my permission!!!"

All the villagers said "awww"

Meanwhile at the other village that got over runned by zombies. The baby villager was continuing to play with blocks until finally a zombie notices him. The baby eventually notices the zombie is looking at him. He screams and tries to run away, screaming in the process "DA HELP MEEEEEE!!!"

Re: Villager News

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:38 am
by JesusIsLord713
(Villager News)

(Reporter) "Do do do do much longer will this take villager helicopter?!?!"

"Ah, only a couple more minutes! Which, to us, means a couple more hours."

"WHAAAAAAAT?!?! Ugh! Well anyways...wait a minute...someone turned on the video camera..."

All the villagers looked at him blankly. "Was it you?" villager 100 said "or you? SOMEONE turned on the video camera WITHOUT my permission!!!"

"I don't know who it was" villager 37 said "what I DO know is that the camera is recording, which means you should probably start villager news."

"Ah yes villager news! Well welcome to villager news everyone! We will not be recording in the studio again unfortunately. This is due to the horrible experience at our last village. Where we got terrorized by zombie golems, the iron golem's evil twins. We are currently looking for ANOTHER new place of residence."

"I see another village!" Villager 4 said. Everyone looked over and everyone yelled "That place isn't a village! All it consists is a well, farm, and hut!"

"I see another one right next door!" This village is actually a village. The village is actually a decent size. "Ok helicopter!" Villager 100 said, "We found our destination and we would like to land over at that village!"

The villager who was controlling the helicopter pointed to the hut village and said "that village?"

"No no! THAT village!" villager 100 said, annoyed.

"Sorry" the villager controller said "I have bad eyesight." The helicopter landed and everyone went to the new village. Villager 100 immediately said "Before we do ANYTHING in this village, we will need to build security in case of another terrorizing night."

Everyone went straight to work, they went and mined minerals for armor and weapons, built iron golems, and built defensive walls with dispensers that shoot after crossing tripwire. "This is perfect security!" Villager 100 said

A few days later, their defensive skills get put to the test. 50 zombies and 3 zombie golems spawned outside the village. The zombies said in a groan like way "Let's...kill...the...villagers in...that...village...groooaaan..."

The zombies don't notice the tripwire and step on it. Triggering the dispensers and killing around 20 zombies and severely damaged a golem before the dispensers lost all of their arrows. "Hooray! This is working!" The villagers cheer.

The other zombies break the wall after a few minutes and break into the village. The villagers stand inside their homes shaking uncontrollably while they wait for the zombies to start banging on their doors. The iron golems step in and 2 golems face off against the zombies and the other 3 face off against their evil twins.

The normal zombies get smart and split into 2 groups of 10 zombies and manage to defeat both golems. The golems however made great progress and knocked down the zombie count to 6 zombies. "Crud!" Villager 100 says "This villager news might be the craziest one yet! Get prepared to fight!"

The iron golems face off against the zombie golems. The iron golems say "Your going down! Evil clones!"

The zombie golems exclaim "Sure...try...and fail..."

Then they fight, each golem taking on another. In the 1st part of the battle the iron golem manages to defeat the severely weakened zombie golem. Due to being damaged from the dispensers earlier. The next part of the battle the 2nd iron golem manages to barely defeat the zombie golem. The 3rd part of the battle the zombie golem defeats the iron golem. The other 2 iron golems then team up on the zombie golem. The zombie golem defeats the severely weakened iron golem. However, the other iron golem manages to defeat the zombie golem.

Meanwhile, the normal zombies bang on the villagers doorsteps. The villagers open the doors and fight. 1 villager dies in the process and all the zombies die. "Hooray!" exclaimed all the villagers "We defeated the zombies and their golems!" The villagers then continue to leave peacefully in the village afterwards. Villager 100 says "And that concludes this villager news! Until next time! And no doing the dum dum dum thing villagers!"

"Dum dum dum dum dum dum VILLAGER NEWS" 3 villagers sing.

"ARRRRRRRRRRGHH!!! I told you not to do that!!!"

All the villagers say "awwww".

The baby villager runs away from the village. Eventually reaching the village the other villagers previously evacuated due to the zombie golems. The zombie golems notice and slowly go towards the baby. The baby villager screams "DAAAAAAAAAA HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!"

Re: Villager News

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:39 am
by JesusIsLord713
Villager news!

(Reporter) "Ok, finally we got a nice place...peaceful place for once. Great defenses...and lovely air!"

Villager 53 says "here is the microphone sir! It is time for your villager news report!"

"WHAT?!?!?! How can it be time?! I report at 6:00pm every TIME! Oh well...sigh...fine." Villager 100 coughs and then says "Welcome to villager news! This episo..."

Villager 39 comes up to report something to villager 100, and by the look of villager 100's face, he doesn't look happy.

"Breaking news!!!!! Today my fellow villagers found a great source of food not far from here! However, a dangerous, deep, and scary river lies between the village and the food!" Villager 44, what do you have to say about this?

"Thank you villager 100! As you can see there is a lot of water blocking the area between us, and the food!" Without this food...we CANNOT BREED!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" The cameraman turns off the audio so villager 100 doesn't hear his wailing.

"We must do something about it!" Villager 76 raises his stick. "Yes? Do you have an answer to this difficult situation?"

"Let's build a tower! So that we can fall out of the tower and land on the other side!"

Everyone looks at him like he is crazy. Eventually villager 100 breaks the silence. "Ok, if YOU want to build a tower and fall off of it to the other side. Go ahead! We will not be responsible for any injuries/death that happens."

Villager 76 actually builds a tower. Spending all his emeralds on building materials and spends a week building his tower. He is very proud of his build. He then says "Here I go! I shall prove that we can make it to the other side this way!" He then falls out, he successfully reaches the other side, however he didn't realize that falling from great heights is dangerous for your health and shortly after landing he died.

Villager 100 says "Thought that might happen...sigh, HOW DUMB CAN VILLAGERS BE!?!?!? cough cough...sorry about that. Anyway any other ideas?" Villager 72 raises his stick.

"Yes?" Villager 100 said.

"How about we build a bridge! That way we can reach the other side safely!"

"Good plan!" Villager 100 says, "Everyone! Start building! You will not get paid."

Everyone booed at him and threw their sticks at him. Eventually he said "Ok ok FINE! 5 emeralds for each player who works!"

Everyone agreed and went to work. Eventually finishing in a couple days.

"Great job everyone! Now villager 31...make sure this bridge is sturdy enough for us to walk on it."

Villager 31 gulped and started walking. Only for the bridge to fail and collapse. He then fell into the water below. He managed to live, but was so cold that he was almost as frozen as ice. He went to the emergency room.

"Sigh...I guess I better wrap up this villager news! This bridge idea was a total fail. I will have my villagers build a new one and tell you what happens next villager news. Take care!"

"Dun dun dun dun dun VILLAGER NEWS!!!" Everyone says.

"AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!! STOP DOING THAT!!!...anyways until next time!"

The baby villager runs into a new village. The same one his dad is at! Though he has to past all of the security to get in the village. Do you think he will make it? We shall see next time...

Re: Villager News

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:40 am
by JesusIsLord713
Villager News

Villager 100 was just taking his afternoon walk around the village when suddenly a villager fired a paintball at him! He ducked just in time and yelled "Hey! Can't you give enough respect for a villager reporter?! hmm?"

Just then, villager 5 came up to him with the microphone and told him it's time to report! Villager 100 says "Oh, ok. Well BREAKING NEWS!!! Just a few moments before I started reporting I was taking a walk and suddenly..." he got fired at again! This time it hit him right in the face!

".....ARRRGHHH THAT HAPPENED! I dodged the last one, this time not so much...where is he?!?!?!"

The police drive at full speed after the villager. After an hour they finally catch him. They find out he is villager 31. He says "I was throwing paintballs so that we can trigger a paintball match!"

Villager 100 thinks about this and says "I accept your challenge, I shall go home and formulate my own team of villagers! Each team shall have up to 7 villagers, including the leader.

Villager 31 says "Alright then! The paintball duel will take place a week from now starting at the well. See you then..."

The villagers go home and formulate their teams. Villager 31 got all his members in less than an hour. Villager 100 was having minor difficulties though.

"Great...breaking news! I cannot seem to get enough members to sign up to be my partners! Currently I have 5 members, including myself for the paintball match! I need 2 more villagers!"

Just then villager 53 comes in with 2 villager children and says "These 2 children would be happy to be members of your paintball team!"

Villager 100 looks down at the children and is not happy with the option he has. Figuring he has no other choice, he accepts the children, in which he trains them to be good paintball shooters.

The day finally comes, and the coach villager comes out and explains the rules. One major rule is that once you take 3 hits...your out! Once he finishes explaining the rules he says "Good luck and have fun!"

The battle begins. Villager 100's team frantically run around the village trying to dodge the paintballs. Due to this 3 of his team members get beat up and out of the game (all adults).

Villager 31's team, feeling confident, says "Try to take out the paintball master!"

Villager 100's team fires and dodges the paintballs. Managing to take out 3 of villager 31's team!

Villager 31 starts to get angry, saying "I must win the position to reporting villager news! Time to bring out ultimate weapon! The paintball cannon!"

Villager 31's team fires the cannon. Villager 100 and the 2 kids barely dodge the blast. The others weren't so lucky and were easily taken out. One of them says "Where are my glasses! I can't see anything!"

Villager 100 says "Crazy villager news eh? Well your about to see the reporter take everyone out!"

Villager 100 runs in and fires, taking out 2 more of villager 31's team. The remaining members so far on villager 100 is villager 100 himself and the 2 kids. On villager's 31 team remains villager 31 himself and 1 other member.

The kids prove useless as they just fire at flowers, grass, and buildings. So villager 31 takes advantage and easily takes the 2 kids out. At the same time villager 100 takes out villager 31's remaining team member.

The 2 remaining villagers meet back up at the well. Villager 31 says slowly " I can take you out and take over your job...which was the main purpose I did this paintball challenge. Goodbye villager 100, I hope you enjoy your last few minutes of reporting your final villager news!

Villager 100 said "I don't think so, my job is my life. Nothing will take away my job...EVER!!! You will go to prison for your crime!"

The 2 fight, villager 100 AND villager 31 suffer 2 hits. Villager 31 laughs loudly as he pulls out his paintball cannon to fire at villager 100. He says loudly "My career as the villager reporter starts...NOW!!!!" He then lights the cannon on fire, laughing in the process. However the cannon malfunctions and during it's countdown it points straight up. With villager 31 standing next to the cannon. The cannon fires the paintball goop straight up and before villager 31 can move completely out of the way he gets hit by his own paintball goop. "Wow...all that just to get himself out." villager 100 said.

The coach villager says "Villager 100 wins! Congratulations!"

Villager 31 then is taken to jail by the police. His term in jail is 3 years. He exclaims "Noooo! My job! My wealth! My future! Gone forever!!! Noooo!!!!"

"That wraps up this episode!" Villager 100 says "I'm glad I get to keep reporting villager news! Until next time!"

"Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun VILLAGER NEWS!!!" Everyone exclaim loudly.

"Sigh..." villager 100 says "I guess I'm just gonna have to live with this VERY annoying ending!!!"

Meanwhile the villager child is almost killed by the arrows from the dispensers on the walls of the village. He is then not recognized by the iron golems that he is a baby villager and mistake him for a baby zombie villager. So they chase after him. Saying "Nooo!!! Da help me please!!!!!" Do you think he survived? We shall see next time...

Re: Villager News

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:41 am
by JesusIsLord713
(Villager News)

Villager 100 is again taking a nice walk through the village. And once again is attacked though this time it's a little different... Villager 100 says "Attacked...AGAIN!? WHY am I always targeted?! Especially in the face??? .......................... OH!! Welcome to villager news! I have terrible news, I just got attacked! Who did this horrible attack?!"

10 villager helicopters come flying in, along with a battleship. The battleship aims for villager 100 and lands next to him. It's the testificates!!! Testificate 100 comes to villager 100 and says slowly "Now...I issue a challenge...we shall battle...if you lose...we take over your village and I take over YOUR job...if you take over our...village..."

Villager 100 is angry and says "My villager news spectators shall now that I will win and I will keep my job and village! As I said previously in villager news...NO ONE SHALL TAKE OVER MY JOB!!!"

Testificate 100 is pleased and says "Good, we will meet here at dawn tomorrow to fight, be ready".

At dawn the next morning the villagers and testificates meet up at the village well. Testificate 100 says "The battle...shall begin! Today will be the day I take over this village and job!"

Villager 100 is not used to normal weapons. So he just fires randomly all around occaisonally hitting testificates. His allies are better at shooting and manage to beat half of testificate 100's army. Villager 100 lost 3 quarters of his army. But Villager 100 makes up for it by firing a cannon and hitting 25% of the other army.

Testificate 100 takes this a step further by firing canons from his battleship. The blows aren't good for the villagers and the rest of Villager 100's army is taken out. However... Villager 100 get's a very lucky shot on the canon and kills the rest of the testificates...though of course testificate 100 survives but is injured. The battleship is also destroyed.

The villagers again meet up at the well, testificate 100 says " DARE you! This fight is far from over! This fight will not be finished until you take your last breathe!"

Villager 100 says "I've only been toying with you you will see what I can really do!"

Both villager 100 and testificate 100 go into separate helicopters and fire lasers at each other. They keep dodging each other and get so far away from the village they reach a jungle! This isn't good for the helicopters and they soon malfunction due to them getting stuck in leaves.

Testificate 100 says "Ok then! If that's how you want to play it then I will beat you the old fashioned way!"

Villager 100 gets ahold of his enemy and punches him. He gets punched back and soon enough they are both low on health. Testificate 100 says "pant pant...this...will beat you...once...and... FOR ALL!!!" He gets his ENORMOUS Cannon and fires at villager 100. Villager 100 goes 2 blocks down into the dirt and dodges it. The cannon bounces all across the valley and due to how hot the cannon is it lights up other cannons back at the village.

Testificate 100 gets very unfortunate and gets hit by all of the cannonballs back at the village...eventually including his own. He says "NOOO!!! This can't be! This can't be!" Then Testificate 100 dies.

All the villagers praise villager 100 for a job well done and life continues as normal in the village. Villager 100 says "That wraps up this villager news! Farewell! AND NO SINGING!"

DUN dun dun dun dun VILLAGER NEWS! Everyone says.


"Is he angry?" Villager 45 asks. He never got an answer though.

Meanwhile the baby find all the paint goop from the previous battle in the village. The goop is now poisonous and he will have to jump over all and dodge all of the goop to reach the studio! Will he make it? We shall see...

Re: Villager News

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:41 am
by JesusIsLord713
(Villager News!!!)

Villager 100 was just sitting inside his studio when all of a sudden villager 5 comes bursting in, telling him "Hey! You need to be making a villager news! You haven't in so long, and you were begging to keep your job!!!"

Villager 100 replied "Hmmm??? Oh yes, I remember that time a few months ago, what a lovely! Wait! That was NOT a lovely memory! What are you thinking Villager 100!!! Alright, I'll record"

(Turn on microphone and camera) "Welcome to villager news! I am so sorry we haven't done a villager news in a long time, you see we wer-"

Villager 97 comes bursting in the room, breaking one of his audio speakers in the process. "Hey!" Villager 100 yelled, "Show a little respect for an old reporter eh? Gee, so many children not respective to their elders, so fortunate. Wait! UNfortunate!"

Villager 97 replied "Sorry sir! But this is breaking news! Someone found this odd looking portal type thing, you should investigate."

Villager 100 replied "Ah, I like breaking news! BREAKING NEWS! Someone has found this portal type thing and we don't know what it is or does! Villager 88!"

"Yes sir?" Villager 88 replied

"Show me where this portal thing is, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Yes sir! Sheesh sir! Be less angry at times please! It will help your mood!"

"My mood is perfectly fine!"

Villager 88 sighs and shows him where the portal is.

Villager 100 looks at this frame made of cobblestone and says "This isn't a portal! It just looks like a cobblestone formation! Boring!!!!!!"

Everyone Booed at villager 100 and threw rocks at him. Villager 100 finally said "Ok fine! It looks beautiful!"

Everyone praised villager 100 for his change of heart. Though villager 100 mumbled under his breathe "It still looks extremely ugly..."

Finally villager 57 shows villager 100 where the actual portal is, made of obsidian. Villager 57 said "We are all to scared to hop in this portal! So villager 100! You shall be the first to go in! Then we will follow!"

Then dead silence sat in the area for about 5 minutes until villager 100 finally broke the silence by saying "Um, EXCUSE me! Why do you want me to go in first?!?!?!"

Villager 57 replied "Because it would be good for your health!"

Villager 100 liked this and said "It would be good for my health? YES!!!!!!! Alright I'm going in!" Villager 100 then hops into the portal.

Villager 100 then spawned in this weird dimension called the Nether. Villager 100 commented on this immediately "Man, it's so hot in this place! And where is all the trees, grass, and villages?!?" Everyone else finally came through as well and quickly noticed something terrible.

"Um, Villager 100? I think we are sorta trapped here." And he was right, they spawned onto a little netherrack island in the middle of a lava ocean, with no land in sight.

Villager 100 said "Ok, everyone! Empty your pockets! Does anyone have anything useful?"

Everyone emptied their pockets just to find dirt, stone, feathers, sticks, wood, and coal. Villager 100 replied angrily "Is that all you got! Grrrr...ok then! I DEMAND that all of you go mining and try to get as much stone as possible! With 1 emerald as payment each!!!!"

Everyone booed him again and their there sticks and feathers at him, villager 100 almost fell into the lava but not quite. "Ok FINE! You guys get 6 emeralds each! There, you happy?!?!?"

Everyone was happy, and everyone went to work, eventually finding 20 stacks of stone to work with. So villager 100 started building a long bridge in the nether to land.

"This shall be easy!" said villager 100. (20 days later) "Huff huff puff puff," Villager 100 finally found land and he connected the bridge with the land. Everyone was happy and praised villager 100 for a job well done. Though a couple weren't happy and decided to commit suicide in the lava. Then they proceeded to explore the nether.

Villager 40 decided to bring out a bed and take a nap. He says "Night everyone! I'll catch up with you tomorrow." When he started getting all comfy in the bed, the bed blasted to bits! Killing Villager 40 and a couple other villagers in the process.

Villager 100 brought out his notepad and said "Rule number 1, don't ever use beds, they are uncomfortable and dangerous for your health.

Villager 100 closes the notepad and says "Well, that wraps up this episode of villager news! See you soon!

Everyone starts singing yet again, "dun dun dun dun dun VILLAGER NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Villager 100 by now is very irritated and says "STOP DOING THAT!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!"

Meanwhile the baby villager dodges the golems and paintball goop and finally makes it to his dad's studio, only to find that he isn't there. He leaves the village and finds the portal that his dad and the others used. He enters the portal and almost spawned into the lava! He says "DA HELP MEE!!! PLEASE!!!!! I don't want to fall in lava!!!" Will he survive the long and dangerous journey across the bridge his dad made? We shall see...

Re: Villager News

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:42 am
by JesusIsLord713
(Villager News!)

(Villager 100) "Welcome to villager news! Today we are going to explore this new and extremely terrible dimension called the nether! In our last episode I built a bridge connecting us to land after spawning in the middle of nowhere...sigh..."

Villager 71 sees something in the distance and says "Look reporter! There is something in the distance! It looks super tiny too!"

Villager 100 replies "Tiny eh? Then it's probably not important, let's move on people!"

Everyone is offended and tell Villager 100 "We are VILLAGERS! Not PEOPLE!"

Villager 100 says "Ah well, moving on!"

They travel for some time and eventually just travel a circle. Villager 100 is annoyed and says "This place looks familiar...wait a minute...........DID WE JUST MAKE A FULL LOOP?!?!?!?!"

Villager 67 says "Yes sir! Unfortunately in this dimension my GPS doesn't work, it's just saying random stuff that doesn't make any sense." (10 seconds later an explosion happens)

Villager 67 says after the explosion, covered in dust "'s also just blowing up at random times."

Villager 100 sighs at this and says "Well we are just going to move to that small thing we saw earlier! Villager 71!"

"Yes sir?"

"Lead the way to this probably boring small, ugly thing up ahead."

Villager 71 replies "Yes sir! Come on everyone! Avoid the fire and magma blocks!"

A couple villagers were dumb and ran into fire. Villager 100 says "Easy as pie, I'll just extinguish them with my water bucket!"

Villager 100 tries throwing his water bucket and it does absolutely nothing besides make smoke particles. "Aw dang it!" Villager 100 says "Water doesn't work here either! First beds, now water!"

The villagers that were caught on fire barely survived. And they continued on the dangerous journey toward the thing they saw earlier.

They finally (after a week) came to the strange thing they saw earlier. Villager 100 commented on this "This looks like a huge fortress! Let's go in!"

They travel into the nether fortress. Though the fortress is very dangerous and many almost died. They eventually kill a few blazes and grab some nether wart.

Villager 100 said "I've heard that with these ingredients you can make potions! With potions we can sell them! And when we sell them we get emeralds! And everyone loves emeralds!!!!!!!"

Everyone screams "Yay emeralds! Yay emeralds!" One of them says "Boo emeralds! Boo emeralds! I prefer diamonds!"

After their great victory they decide to head back home. On the way home proved dangerous as well and someone forgot about the beds not working. Villager 100 says "Sigh...dumb villagers, well 1 less villager is alive now, I guess we better do some breeding when we get home."

While traveling on the bridge, they run into this baby villager. Villager 100 inspects closely and says "Is this...MY DAUGHTER?!?!?!"

The baby villager screams "DAAAAA!! I found you! I found you! And I'm your son! Not daughter! You should know that!!"

After their happy reunion, although 1 thought the reunion was boring, everyone heads home. And villager 100 returns to his studio, with his audio speaker still broken. "Sigh...I still need to fix this audio speaker...this is going to cost a lot of emeralds..."

Villager 100 then says "Well that's it for this episode of villager news! We shall be brewing some potions and sell them to make hundreds of emeralds!" Everyone screams "Emeralds! Emeralds!" Though of course the 1 villager that dislikes emeralds says "Diamonds! Diamonds!"

Villager 100 ends with "See you next time everyone!"

Everyone sings "Dun dun dun dun dun da da da VILLAGER NEWS!!!"

Villager 100 says "Hmmm...I actually like the da da da part!"

Re: Villager News

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:43 am
by JesusIsLord713
These are all my past entries, all villager news after this post will be new!

Re: Villager News

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 3:25 am
by JesusIsLord713
Villager News! Some villagers abandon the village...

(Note, this Villager News does contain some a bit of content coming to Minecraft 1.11. So if you don't want to be spoiled AT ALL. Then don't read this entry)

After Villager 100 and his team had a great victory in the nether, they proceed to make potions to sell to the local players who come by to make some emeralds. Aside from of course that one villager that wanted diamonds...

"Alright, we have all the ingredients we need, MAKE THE POTIONS!!!!" Villager 100 said

Villager 71 bursts in and reports to Villager 100 he needs to make another villager news.

"Right! *cough* Welcome to Villager News! Today we are making potions to sell to the players who drop by this lovely village!"

Villager 99 says "Alright, ready to pu---" He is interrupted by a loud explosion noise, he and villager 100 freak out and run out of the lab, they see no explosion around them, leaving them confused. Then they turn around and go back inside to find the brewing stand blown up.

Villager 100 said "Right...1 table spoon to much gunpowder"

Villager 100's son, who he reunited with in the last episode, comes in and makes a new brewing and brews the potions perfectly. "See da? This is easy!" Villager 100 is embarrassed.

They proceed to sell the potions, however this proves to fail when after a month only a couple potions have sold.

"What is this now?!?! How come players aren't buying these potions? Is it because the potion is too dazzling to look at?" They wouldn't find out the answer to this situation until later.

One night, about a dozen villagers were messing around in the markets late at night after the market closed. One villager said to the rest "Hey, there are a ton of potions here! Let's see what they do! They sure don't look like potions I've seen hundreds of times in the past."

He was right, the potions weren't just any normal potions, the baby villager messed up and accidentally added something truly horrifying...

There were 2 different potions, one looked somewhat similar to regeneration and 3 villagers drank that. All the rest drank a potion that looked similar to instant healing. They soon...they soon...

"AHHHH!!! What's going on with my clothes, my skin, and my beautiful nose!?!?!" One villager said.

Soon enough, the potions hypnotized them into believing their fellow villagers abandend them and didn't want them to be there! "Let's call the ones with the iron axe that magically appeared in their hand the Vindcators. While we will call the ones with the black robe the Evokers! Together we will be called the ILLAGERS!!!!" One of the illagers said. "All right, now that we know who we are, we shall go off into the deep dark woods and build ourself a mansion. Yes...a mansion so huge that it will topple any other structure ever created!" All the other illagers agreed and headed off into the deep woods and spent over a year building a huge mansion.

Meanwhile at the village Villager 100 noticed something odd. "Umm, don't know if it's just me, but did 12 villager LEAVE THE VILLAGE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION?!!?!?!?!"

Villager 46 said "Why yes sir 12 villagers have left the village! That's so odd...wait! Just coming in..."

Another villager came in and reported to villager 46 about the events happening the night before.

"Villager reporter!" He then said in whisper to himself "I THINK your a reporter, can't say..." He then said in a normal voice "I just heard that the potions out on the market are no longer there!"

Villager 100 said "WHAT?!?!?!??!! Who could of stolen the potions!?!"

"I think it's quite obvious reporter, I will let you think of who might've possible stolen the potions..." Village 46 said.

After a few days of thinking, villager 100 said "hmmmmmmmm...maybe...the...11 villagers who left the village?!?!

Villager 46 face palmed himself into a nearby block of wood.

"Wait, 12 villagers right?" Villager 100 corrected

"Yes, THANK YOU!!!!" Villager 46 exclaimed in relief.

"There is only one thing we can do!" Villager 100 said "We must find the villagers and bring them back here!!"

"But how?!?!" Villager 46 asked

"Well, by using our villager tracking device of course! You see, as soon as any villager would make residence or is born in this village, they have a special tag put on them so I know exactly where they are at all times!"

"Do you have one for yourself villager 100?"

"Nope! Don't need one since I'm myself, and I know where I am at all times"

Villager 46 smacked him with a stick, then he said "Why how rude! If your going to be putting tags on everyone, you should do so yourself!"

Villager 100 says "Ow! Sheesh, be quiet!"

Villager 46 just sighed.

"YOU MADE NOISE! I TOLD YOU TO BE QUIET, sigh...well they sure seem to be very far away in a deep forest." Villager 100 said "We shall find them at once!"

Villager 100 then says "Well that will rap up this villager news! Next time we shall bring back these villagers who stole the potions AND left the village!"


"..." Villager 100 says

"Da Da Da Da Da VILLAGER NEWS!!!" The baby villager says

"That's my boy! Much better!" Villager 100 says

All the other villager said "awww" because Villager 100 didn't like their end theme.

Re: Villager News

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 5:58 pm
by JesusIsLord713
Villager News! The exploration in the mansion!

"Welcome to Villager News!" Villager 100 says "What are we doing again today?"

The nearby villagers facepalm themselves into nearby blocks.

"Ummm...really, I don't remember."

Villager 46 says "Why we are going to try to find the villagers that deserted the village remember?!?! You SAID that we were going to find them!"

Villager 100 replied "Ah yes! I remember now! So...who will go with me to find these evil citizens that deserted the village?" Twenty villagers volunteer for the job. Villager 100 says "Thank you! You will get paid 10 emeralds each." Everyone praised Villager 100 for the payment.

They start the long and dangerous journey. Villager 100 leads the way but proves to be a little bit of a coward himself. Villager 67 says "Reporter! Stop being a coward please!" Villager 100 replies "I'll...try"

"!!" Village 100 says, the other villagers look as well and are shocked at what is before them.

"Is this...a MANSION?!?! I've never seen something so huge! Our little village looks pathetic compared to this!" Villager 56 says. Everyone booed Villager 56 because he said their village looked pathetic, they proceeded to throw sticks at him.

"Let's proceed with caution!" Villager 100 says.

Of course everyone goes in like they are going on a raid. Everyone rushes in at once, though start becoming scared when they see all the hostile mobs in there. "Umm rushing in here I guess WASN'T such a good idea..." one of the villagers says. Villager 100 replies "TOLD YOU!! It's dangerous in there...sheesh!"

"These hostile mobs are scary!" Villager 56 says. Another villager replies "Let's defeat them!" Villager 56 says "No! I don't want too!" The other villager replies "Yes! We have too!" They argue for 10 full minutes.

Villager 100 eventually stops the argument with saying "STOP!!!! STOP RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!" They obeyed and stopped.

They go in and defeat multiple zombies, skeletons, and creepers. They are worn out from the battles. "Huff huff puff while please?" Villager 100 asked.

The next day (well, according to Villager 100, though in actuality they all slept for a week), they wake up. They gather all the loot they got from the mansion so far and make armor, weapons, and building blocks. They proceed to the 2nd level of the mansion.

"This place is pretty small in my opinion..." Villager 100 says. Everyone booes at him and throw their seeds and rotten flesh at him they found in the chests. "Fine FINE! This place is big!" Everyone praises Villager 100 for his change in heart about how big the mansion is.

They beat the 2nd level mansion and gather more loot and beat the random zombies and other random mobs that spawn (they haven't ran into any illagers yet though). They proceed to the 3rd level.

For some reason the 3rd level just consists of a long hallway. Villager 100 and the 20 volunteers proceed with caution. At the end of the hallway they encounter a door, they open it and...

"Well well well, we knew you would eventually find us!" One of the illagers said "Although we didn't expect you would make it THIS far...I'm impressed."

Villager 100 says "You evil citizens! Why did you drink the potions and abandon the village when YOU DIDN'T HAVE MY PERMISSION?!?!?!?!?"

One of the Vindicators replied "We know nothing of this potion you talk about, but we left the village because WE believe you guys abandon US!"

Villager 100 thinks of this and eventually finds out the horror of how all this happened. "You know...when my son brewed those potions, he added wither skeleton skulls to the mix! This explains everything! And the potions possessed you guys! No wonder the players wouldn't buy the potions!"

One of the evokers says "Stop your nonsense talk! We know nothing of what you talk about, all we know is you abandoned us and we want REVENGE! This mob will truly frighten you as long as you live! As well as eat you..."

“Wait! Before you do! I have to end off this episode!” Villager 100 says

“Will we survive whatever monster these evil citizens will throw at us? Find out next time!”