Funny DnD stories

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That_Helpful_Guy
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Funny DnD stories

Postby That_Helpful_Guy » Sun Feb 01, 2015 1:58 pm

Alright. As some of you know, I play revised DnD. I've picked up some good stories and thought I'd share a few.

Cast:
Telsarn: Elf Ranger (Party Leader)
Asair and Asazj: Drow Rogues (Twin Brothers in-game, brothers irl)
Lycanor Nightwolf: Human Hybrid-Druid/Cleric (me!)
Khorov: Human Fighter (GM's PC)

So, one of our first encounters was with a band of goblins. I was the diplomat, and immediately starting conversing with the goblins in their own tongue. Telsarn was trigger-happy with his bow. As soon as I start talking, he shoots a goblin in the face, killing both him and the mood. Unfortunately, that was probably Telsarn's best shot.

Later, the party got split up. Khorov and I were out wandering in the wood. I'm known for being inventive, so when a fire-breathing winged snake attacked, my response was, "Create Water!!!" The snake plummeted and was killed by Khorov.

Khorov and I infiltrated a goblin city and were planning to loot the treasury. Neither rogue was with us, so I became creative again when we needed to search for traps. "Summon Monster I!!!" A Celestial Giant Fire Beetle appears and walks into the treasury on my orders. The CGFB helped us during the ensuing combat with goblins. Most epic beetle ever.

Currently, I'm about to kamikaze a whole army of goblins. I'll unleash spells and then resort to magic-assisted melee, while curing myself. I just have to kill their leader...

If y'all have any good TRPG stories, reply to this.

God bless,
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Sstavix
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Re: Funny DnD stories

Postby Sstavix » Sun Feb 01, 2015 11:43 pm

My players have been urging me to write down their humorous stories for quite some time. Several years ago, we had a 2nd Edition campaign set in the city of Waterdeep (a large metropolis n the Forgotten Reams campaign setting - during the summer months, the population would come close to a million people). I was the DM, and was willing to let them shape the campaign world around their actions. Some of their antics were rather memorable.

In one instance, the group was given the job of getting a magical spellbook from a half-elf wizard who had stolen it. They managed to track down the half-elf's house and were trying to figure out how to get in. They thought this wizard would have significant magical defenses and be a scary force to be reckoned with.

The truth is, the half-elf was about the same level as they were, and had very few spells memorized that would be suitable for combat. He did have several magic items, though. However, the players did not know that, and their paranoia was making the situation much worse than it really was.

The building was a simple two-story house in the middle of the street, wedged tightly between two other buildings. There was a door with a window next to it, and except for a second-story window, this appeared to be the only way in or out of the house. The players suspected the front door was trapped. My wife's character, a half-elf fighter/thief, searched the door for traps, but failed to find anything. They figured that she had just flubbed her roll, though, and that the door really was trapped.

So my wife asks if there's a stray dog wandering around. I figured there was a slim chance (15%) that a stray dog was nearby, so I rolled some dice. 8%. I told them that yes, there was a dog nearby. It came up to them, tail wagging, looking for some food.

The minotaur fighter/mage picked up the dog. The elven bard opened the window shutters. They tossed the dog into the house and slammed the shutters. This triggered the alarm spell that was cast on the entrance, causing a bell to ring. (This alerted the half-elf upstairs, who promptly turned over a table in his bedroom and crouched behind it, leveling a magic wand at the door). The players scampered away from the house and hid across the street, waiting for something to happen.

They heard a snuffling sound from the house, followed a few minutes later by a loud barking. They waited a few more minutes, but the dog simply continued to bark.

The half-elf fighter/thief decided that she needed to do something to move things along. She headed down the street and found a wandering food vendor. She bought a small meat pie from the vendor, returned to the house, opened the shutter, threw the pie into the house, then slammed the window shutters again.

The players heard the snuffling sound, followed by some gobbling, slurping sounds. Then the dog started barking again. (At this time, the half-elf is wondering what is going on downstairs and is mustering his courage to investigate.)

Finally, 15 minutes after the party first arrived at the house, they decide to open the door. About this time, the half elf wizard is coming down the stairs to see what the barking is all about. The dog bolts out of the house, nearly knocking over the elven bard and human cleric in the process. Their enemy sees the party, lets off a panicked magic missile from the wand, and flees back to his room. The rest of the adventure went pretty much as I had originally planned from that point. Surprisingly, they even managed to capture the half-elf alive so he could stand trial for stealing the spellbook.

Incidentally, the party never saw that mangy dog again.
"All the miseries and evils which men suffer from vice, crime, ambition, injustice, oppression, slavery, and war, proceed from their despising or neglecting the precepts contained in the Bible." -- Noah Webster

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Re: Funny DnD stories

Postby That_Helpful_Guy » Mon Feb 02, 2015 4:56 am

That was good! The guys I play with are more "If it moves, kill it. If it doesn't move, loot it." they also have no sense of teamwork. Because I'm the only guy who helps his teammates, I'm always the healer. Which kinda stinks. My Cleric's probably about to be butchered for the sake of his friends, so I'm creating a new healer. Got any ideas?

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Re: Funny DnD stories

Postby Sstavix » Mon Feb 02, 2015 2:34 pm

Don't make a healer. :lol: If they don't have that back-up plan, maybe they'll be a bit more cautious and try to work together.

It makes me wonder about the campaign and your DM's approach to the game. Is the flavor of the game one where it's mostly focused on the combat aspects of the game? Or is there some sort of overall storyline and plot that needs to be uncovered and eventually solved? It may be too early in the campaign to tell at this point, but what are your thoughts?
"All the miseries and evils which men suffer from vice, crime, ambition, injustice, oppression, slavery, and war, proceed from their despising or neglecting the precepts contained in the Bible." -- Noah Webster

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Re: Funny DnD stories

Postby Deepfreeze32 » Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:56 pm

I've got a couple good ones.


The very first campaign we played involved vampires and other mystical creatures. There were two main characters you need to know about: A lawful neutral wizard, whose name I can't recall, and a chaotic evil fighter named Havoc. Havoc, a human, worshiped Gruumsh. The entire motivation for this was that Havoc believed Orcs weren't Orc-like enough, so he was cleansing them in the name of the God of Orcs. Yeah...

The wizard was the leader of the party. Havoc had done lots of things most people would find queasy, just because our DM strictly enforced the "Chaotic evil" part. But this, this was all Havoc.

Allow me to set the stage. The party has just been captured by a powerful vampire lord. We're talking Dracula level here. The party plans and executes a daring escape from the vampire's prison. As they are wandering the halls, they encounter several guards. They develop a fairly reasonable tactic: form up on the corners, SWAT style. They use the tried and true "prepared action" technique.

Not sure if this existed prior to 4e. My experience with 3.x was incredibly soured by people who built godlike characters who run the entire game by exploiting broken balance, belittling my attempt to make a fun character. They also circle-jerked themselves about how awesome 3.x is and how "terrible" 4e is. I will take being made fun of for having fun than being made fun of while having an awful time. But anyway. The technique was this: The player says "I prepare an action to do <standard action> when <trigger fires>". The trigger may be anything, such as "An enemy fails a stealth check and I can see them". The way they had been doing it was "I prepare an action to attack the next guard I see when I round the corner".

But this time was different. They found a rather large door, and planned to open it SWAT style. The wizard would open the door, while everyone prepared their actions. Havoc's player decided to say "I prepare an action to throw my spear at the first person I see when we open the door".

That proved to be a mistake.

You see, when they threw open the door, on the other side was none other than the vampire lord himself, waiting for the party with the intent of talking to them. As luck would have it, the vampire lord was the first person Havoc saw. Havoc's player, resigned to his fate, said "Well...I throw my spear at him."

He rolls a 20.

In 4e, a critical hit is a guaranteed hit that does maximum damage. The vampire lord wasn't severely hurt, by virtue of being an elite and higher level than the entire party.

But boy oh boy was he not happy. He flew -yes, flew- across the room at them, and attacks the party. Within a few rounds, we were all bleeding on the floor, and he relented. The DM got the story back on track, but we learned a very important lesson about phrasing your actions.



Another good story involved our abuse of Mage hand.

Our party was trapped in a floating wizard's tower in the Feywild, and we were rather lost. The room we had been teleported into was empty, and had a bunch of mystical devices that neither our Wizard nor I (The Bard) could figure out. As we were banging our heads against the wall, we hear something. We look outside, and see a Kobold rappelling down the tower towards us. Using a saw one of our party had, we had the wizard use Mage hand to move the saw above the Kobold and start severing his rappel line. Meanwhile, I use ritual magic to summon an invisible platform called Tenser's Floating Disc. I use it to catch the Kobold when he falls, and then we quickly subdue him and tie him up with his own rappel line.

It was excellent.


I've got more, but I have to recall all the stories first. XD

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Re: Funny DnD stories

Postby That_Helpful_Guy » Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:56 pm

Plot twist! My cleric changed his mind and alignment. He's becoming NE, intending to systematically exterminate the rest of the party with the help of the goblin army. Word has it the Drow rogues are allied with the goblins, so I'll temporarily help them. Then kill them. I have a Telepath Psion prepared, just in case.

My DM is the kind that loves loot, gp, and xp. Plot doesn't matter as much to him. That means I encounter difficulties with my non-combatant character. Hey, would it possible to join RoA, Sstavix?

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Re: Funny DnD stories

Postby ArchAngel » Mon Feb 02, 2015 11:37 pm

RoA is a campaign run by another member, Fathom, who has been busy/absent lately.

But, you can join me in trying to convince Sstavix to start up a new campaign.
Pew Pew Pew. Science.

RoA: Kratimos/Lycan
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Re: Funny DnD stories

Postby That_Helpful_Guy » Mon Feb 02, 2015 11:42 pm

Well, actually, I'm trying to start a campaign. It's "Creed of the Rebels".

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Re: Funny DnD stories

Postby Sstavix » Tue Feb 03, 2015 4:21 am

P
My DM is the kind that loves loot, gp, and xp. Plot doesn't matter as much to him. That means I encounter difficulties with my non-combatant character.
Yeah, it sounds like a campaign that really isn't focused too much on non-combat or plotlines. While there's nothing inherently wrong with that, a character made for something along those lines (like a bard with high points in diplomatic skills) probably won't do well. Go for a character that you'd like to play that has some decent combat skills.
But, you can join me in trying to convince Sstavix to start up a new campaign.
Maybe I'll have to start a poll to see how many people would be interested....
"All the miseries and evils which men suffer from vice, crime, ambition, injustice, oppression, slavery, and war, proceed from their despising or neglecting the precepts contained in the Bible." -- Noah Webster

My blog: Writing from Idaho

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Re: Funny DnD stories

Postby That_Helpful_Guy » Tue Feb 03, 2015 12:55 pm

Currently, I'm writing up a half-dragon pixie. He's a 1st-level rogue and 1st-level psion (seer). That basically means a +3 6d8+2d6+(possibly more!) weaponless attack from a level 2 guy. The 6d8 is from the breath attack. The first d6 was from the Sneak Attack. The extra d6 was because the DM changed the combat system he could actually understand. I tried and tried to explain it to him... To no avail. Fortunately, this guy can sneak attack most of the time because of Greater Invisibility.

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Re: Funny DnD stories

Postby That_Helpful_Guy » Thu Feb 05, 2015 8:14 pm

Here's a brand new one. It's a homebrew game which a friend DMed.

Important Cast:
Andrath - Dark Elf Ranger (CE)
Rache - Leonin Thief (TN)
Nargul - Dwarf Cleric (LG)

Earlier, Nargul had promised to fight Andrath in order to purge some evil. Well, Rache insulted Andrath (whom nobody liked that much), and Andrath draws his knife. Nargul firebolts him, dropping Andrath's HP to almost nothing. Andrath summons some plant and attacks Nargul, but misses. Nargul smites Andrath with light energy, killing the Ranger. Nargul picks up Andrath's knives and passes out. They were cursed.

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Re: Funny DnD stories (The Talkative Pegasus)

Postby That_Helpful_Guy » Sat Feb 14, 2015 2:28 pm

Ok, another one. I was DMing for some noob friends a week ago. I didn't want to waste time explaining classes, so I just changed a few things.

Party:

Nameless CG Fire Mephit
Jackarius von Stalin Mussolini CE Pegasus
Stowit LG Dwarf
Naedhra Redleaf CG? Nymph

Pegasus was talkative. He continually asked if there would be a McDonalds where they were going. With a playground. And milkshakes. He also said the female fire mephit was "hot" in an attemp to make a pun. We all cracked up when I realized pegasi can't speak. As he attempted to tell everyone they needed to kill the guards in the prince's office, he used bad sign language and whinnying sounds. He then proceeded to one-shot a guard. The nymph then turned two spiders into Monstrous Spiders and killed the other guard.

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Re: Funny DnD stories

Postby Th3_War_D0ct0r » Sat Apr 18, 2015 1:41 pm

About 5 or 6 years ago, me and my friends were playing a DnD campaign where we were at a tavern in a small town after an adventure. I played a Half-Elf Rogue who had the profession of musician (namely with recorders/flutes). The place was too quiet, so she started to play a few songs to liven things up. Little did she know she had a reed on her recorder that had been enchanted with the ability to broadcast emotions (if the person playing the affected instrument played well enough). Let's just say that town did not stop partying for at least 3 days (Rolling multiple 20s can cause all sorts of chaos).


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