The Joke Thread

[Deepfreeze32]

Why do Eningeers mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because 31 OCT == 25 DEC.

[ChickenSoup]

It didn't particularly bother me, I just don't think it has a place here.

Previous political jokes that have been posted here have felt pretty disrespectful to me as well, which is why I tend to avoid this thread.

That joke basically says that Democrats don't "get" Jesus' love/forgiveness/grace because they're "exploiting" the economy and the system.

That feels really disrespectful and contrary to the message of a Christian site.

I'm sorry, but I cannot believe that you're an admin when you take that kind of position and can't even manage to respond to a serious post in a like manner.

first I was like



then I was like

[ArchAngel]

Why do Eningeers mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because 31 OCT == 25 DEC.

Boom. Pregnant.

[epsons]

A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked
the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the
restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a
cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He
shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a
cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that
Jesus, over here?"

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot
tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He
hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! ,How's
about getting me a cold glass of wine?" He too looked across the restaurant
and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?

The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass
of wine. "On my bill," he said loudly.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said,
"For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come
back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness,
you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he
raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the
door.

Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.

The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ... I'm collecting
disability."

[Frank]

Longest joke i ever saw (u guys know which one)

[ccgr]

Senior Golf


Beverly is 90 years old. She's played golf every day since her
retirement 25 years ago. One day she arrives home looking sad.

"That's it," she tells her husband, Gus, "I'm giving up golf. My
eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where
it went."

Her husband makes her a cup of tea, and says, "Why don't you take
me with you and give it one more try."

"That's no good" sighs Beverly , "you're a hundred and three. You
can't help."

"I may be a hundred and three", says Gus, "but my eyesight is
perfect."

So the next day Beverly heads off to the golf course with her
Gus. She tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.

She turns to the husband and says, "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" replied Gus, "I have perfect eyesight".

"Where did it go?" says Beverly .

"I don't remember."

[Deepfreeze32]

Albert Einstein, Blaise Pascal, and Isaac Newton are hanging out. Einstein is bored, so he says "Let's play a game of hide and seek. I'll be it first!" The others agree, and run off.

As Einstein is counting, Pascal runs of and hides. Newton takes out some chalk and draws a mid-sized square. Right as Einstein finishes counting, he steps into it.

Einstein shouts "Ready or not, here I come!" and turns around. he spies Newton and shouts "Found you Newton!"

Newton responds by saying "No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found pascal!"

[ArcticFox]

Boo.

[ChickenSoup]

Albert Einstein, Blaise Pascal, and Isaac Newton are hanging out. Einstein is bored, so he says "Let's play a game of hide and seek. I'll be it first!" The others agree, and run off.

As Einstein is counting, Pascal runs of and hides. Newton takes out some chalk and draws a mid-sized square. Right as Einstein finishes counting, he steps into it.

Einstein shouts "Ready or not, here I come!" and turns around. he spies Newton and shouts "Found you Newton!"

Newton responds by saying "No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found pascal!"

Oh man. You would love my physics professor. Not only does he sport Aperture Laboratories shirts/gear (which makes him an amazing physicist right off the bat ), he works in jokes to the equations.

"...minus g[y(not)]. Hahaha. Anyway."
"Did you just... say gee why not?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."

[Deepfreeze32]

Oh man. You would love my physics professor. Not only does he sport Aperture Laboratories shirts/gear (which makes him an amazing physicist right off the bat ), he works in jokes to the equations.

"...minus g[y(not)]. Hahaha. Anyway."
"Did you just... say gee why not?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."

I like him already. XD

My EE professor would always pronounce "Watt" the same as "What". Made for some interesting conversations. "You have how many whats?" "20." "yes, but 20 whats?" "Yes, you are correct."

[ccgr]

[Chozon1]

Apple built the Deathstar though.

[Pheonix]

Apple built the Deathstar though.

Wouldn't be surprised if both sides use Apple.

[Chozon1]

I'm pretty sure Han used PC.

[Deepfreeze32]

I'm pretty sure Yoda uses Linux.