Please pray.

[Blue]

Thanks again fathom, you're really helping me clear my mind with your encouragement and truth.

I have tried numerous times to go back to that church. I will tell you now, I get a lot of respect from people, but I feel it's for the wrong reasons. People respect me because I was the first young person to leave the church, and others think that I'm just a rebellious person and the only way for me to be saved is by going to their church. They view others churches, and ridicule them because they think their church is the only right church. A lot of the young people want to leave, but they are forced to go to the church. They would rather the kids not even be christian, instead of going to another church.

I would attend youth services and choir practices every once and a while after I left. However, eventually everyone stopped going to the youth service and choir practice was more about goofing off and angering the conductor. It also doesn't help that I would get ridiculed for going to an "english" church (I forgot to mention that I grew up in a Ukrainian/Russian speaking church).

I think I have a lot of anger and sadness from my past, and I need to learn to forgive these people and love them. This is one of the things I feel like I'm avoiding, and it's eating me up inside. I will pray more about this tonight, and try to learn more about how to forgive others.

As you can see, I've really tried to stay with them, and I really hope that things work out over there. Really though, I feel like I've moved on and I need to find a church that I can be a part of. I need to work towards trusting God with my life, instead of worrying about what tomorrow will bring. Moving away and learning from my past is something that needs to happen, otherwise I'll end up being more miserable and not going anywhere.

Also, even though I grew up as a Pentecostal, I don't have anything against the other denominations. I would be willing to go to any church as long as they don't attack me for my beliefs.

I will try to explain this to my family, and will try to attend different churches weekly to see which one feels like home.

[Syxth]

http://gatewaypeople.com/sermons On the left hand side, you should see "Crossing into Covenant Thinking". It's really good as well and may help you. Very basic stuff, but really structured and gives a clear picture of some things.

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Thanks ccgr. I'll take a look at it.

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EDIT: From that sermon I just realized what baptism is all about. I heard pastor robert say it did something the other day in the heart, and I was like hmm I need that. And then brady boyd said it was a covenant sign. i never knew this though.

[neilestuye]

http://www.Jesus-is-savior.com/

[fathom123]

Hey Kryate and Syxth,
Its been a few days since the last post on this thread. How's everything going? Any updates or praise reports? Just following up. You guys rock!

[Syxth]

Hey fathom. An update from me. Umm, sometimes I believe I'm saved, but other times I believed I'm lost and there is no hope. I've been having lots of doubt creep up lately. Just continue to pray.

I need lots of prayer. a whole lot of prayer.

[Blue]

Not much has changed because I received a few more games and I have been playing them quite a bit. I also have been spending more time sleeping than doing anything else.

To be honest with you though. I woke up this morning feeling very different. Feeling.. happy. Feeling determined. I'll let you know more about how my day went later today.

I'll be praying for your Syxth.

[ccgr]

prayin guys

[DeadManReedeemed]

I just prayed for you.

And I should also tell you something:

You remember I told you over PlayStation Network how I got my username ? I know how you feel. Even after I gave my life to Christ I still had (and will have most likely in the future) moments of depression. Especially before I gave my life to Christ...... I still can remember locking myself up in my room and never coming out except if it was for food or if we we're going out somewhere. I often lied about my homework saying that I didn't have any so I could just come home and do what I wanted without people looking at me and labeling me. Talking about my future, which I was not really concerned about. Saying I don't need friends (though I made some later on; don't know where they are now though I ran into one of them a couple times) because I didn't trust anyone. Even before high school I was- or at least felt like it 'cause nobody would associate with the likes of me 'cept for a few students- a social outcast. I still have times where I'm in a fantasy world that isn't real but feels real, but not as much as I did then. Those times where I would picture myself as a video game character or part of a TV show and if there was this girl I thought was cute and she liked somebody else I would rearrange it in my mind that we we're the couple even though they did not exist. Still working that out, too. I even pictured having intercourse with those girls and...."ejected" onto my bed cause I wanted it to feel real. Turned my eyes away (and still turning them away) from couples who we're apparently together and there we're times when I had to walk away because if they knew I was trying not to pay attention problems would arise. Where I was hiding myself from possible couples. My grades we're failing and I often fell asleep in class because I just wanted to get through the day and go home. I could go on, but this isn't about me.......

Point is, I know what depression feels like. And I discovered a while back in 2012 this year that I had ADHD, so I was a little troubled at that. So you're not alone. I may not be the best friend you ever had, considering that I never was really good with friends (being shy and defensive and all). But if you need me, I will most likely be on PSN. So message me if you have to. Can't answer all the time, but...............

[Blue]

Thank you Deadman for sharing. I'll be praying for you too bro. If I ever need to talk to someone I'll be sure to message you. Maybe we can play Little Big Planet 2 sometime.

Things have been better since I posted this. I've been able to actually open the Bible and read passages. I've also started rereading a few books that I feel would help me learn some things I may have missed the first time I've read them.

The thing is, I had relatives over for the past week and I pretty much isolated from them during most of their visit. The reason why, is because I didn't have enough courage to take a stand for my belief. My uncle loves to argue and try to prove that he's right all the time, and I was trying to avoid him as much as I could. I don't want to get into detail, but I feel like I should stand up for myself and kick fear to the curb. I was very embarrassed when the week came by, because I felt like I was acting the same way as I would when I wasn't a Christian and had a lot of hate inside towards people who have gotten me mad in the past.

Things have gotten better though. It's a very frustrating struggle for me, because I feel like I'm not myself anymore. Slowly, I'm starting to go back to my happy self.

[DeadManReedeemed]

Dude, I understand. Isolation is something I'm REALLY GOOD AT. But talking to God and others is kind of a challenge.